Toujours Pur
by Kimmimaru
Summary: Sixteen year old Sirius Black makes a huge mistake which leads to a decision that could break him. Will he choose the Light or will he be forced to choose the Dark to protect the one's he loves? A Re-Write of the original Toujours Pur this time with Slash! (Pairings: LE/JP and SB/RL) AU.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a Re-write of my old story Toujours Pur. I will leave the previous one up for those of you would prefer to read that one as this version will have Slash in it. The pairings for this story are; Remus/Sirius and James/Lily. I hope you enjoy and I will warn you now that the updates will be slow due to the fact that I have a 3 month old baby and her needs (obviously) come before my urge to write. I apologise but please be patient, thank you.**

Toujours Pur: A re-write

The door slammed loudly making Sirius jump a little, he looked up and saw his brother hovering outside his door. "Reg?" He asked as he slid off of his bed and stood up. He put aside the book he had been reading and took a step forward, Regulus turned to him and smiled. "Dad's back." He said softly and Sirius couldn't help the moue of distaste from twisting his features.

"Great." He muttered and straightened out his robes, he turned to view himself in the full length mirror that hung on the inside of his wardrobe door. His robes were a little crumpled but they would have to do as he heard the loud, coarse shout from downstairs; "BOY'S COME DOWN AND GREET YOUR FATHER!" Walburga called. Sirius huffed and watched his fringe flutter before turning around and striding out of his room, he closed the door and followed his brother down the stairs. It was a week before he was due to return to Hogwarts for his sixth year and he was awaiting it with a desperate longing. He couldn't wait to see James and Peter again but most of all he was looking forward to seeing Remus. They had all been exchanging letters as often as possible, Sirius would sit up until late into the night and await the familiar tapping of Remus' tatty owl on his window, he would throw it open and tear off the letter to read avidly beneath his duvet. He smiled to himself as he stepped out onto the landing and turned towards the drawing room, their letters were always heated, filled with well wishes and thoughts that Sirius would die before telling anyone else. The drawing room door opened to reveal the room in all its miserable ostentatious glory. Sirius' jaw tightened as he swept into the room after his brother who ran to their father and shook his hand firmly, Sirius hung back, avoiding having to greet his father for as long as possible.

"Boy, come here." Orion demanded and Sirius stepped forward obediently but with the usual hard hatred in his deep grey eyes. "Have you been good for your mother?"

Sirius glanced at Walburga who stared at him with disdain down her nose. "Yes, Father." He said quietly and returned his gaze back to Orion.

"I don't want any lies now, boy." Orion's deep voice rumbled through the air making it vibrate with tension, Sirius felt it and his spine stiffened in response, his hands clenched into fists at his sides and he stared directly into his father's eyes.

"I haven't done anything wrong." He said firmly and Orion smiled grimly.

"For now." He said acidly before dismissing Sirius with a wave of his hand and turning to Regulus. "I bought you something back from Bulgaria, Regulus." Orion said and brought out a small velvet box, on it was printed a seal of some sort, Sirius couldn't see it properly over his father's shoulder. "Your Aunt has left me a little money and so I went out and brought you a charm from an old gypsy Warlock, he told me it will enhance any spell you do if you wear it around your neck…a load of poppy cock if you ask me but it is pretty and worth more gold than he sold it to me for. Here…" He lifted out some kind of pendant with a delicate silver chain and a serpent with a Moonstone for its eye.

Regulus' eyes widened as he took the necklace reverently, he lifted it up and it caught the light, flashing and glittering mysteriously. "Wow, thanks Dad…it's beautiful."

"Yes, I thought so." He ruffled Regulus' hair and sat down heavily in his usual seat by the empty fire place. "Boy, bring me some Fire Whiskey." He demanded and pulled out a long ivory pipe which he stuck between his teeth, Sirius bowed his head stiffly before turning on the spot and walking out of the room.

It was never his name, always 'Boy'. He was never brought any gifts, not even chocolate. He was always forced to fetch and carry like a bloody trained animal. He took a shuddery breath through his teeth so it hissed loudly in the silent hallway; he took a moment to steady himself before moving towards the kitchen to get his father his drink.

_~Always Pure~_

The door seemed to be moving away from him each time he attempted to tap the surface with his wand, it was like he was looking at it through water. He stumbled a little as he nearly fell sideways into the bushes that separated his house from next door, he giggled a little insanely before tripping on the top step. He stumbled and went sprawling, his head hit the door with a loud crash and he lay still groaning as pain rocketed through his brain. For a moment he was convinced he had cracked his skull open and now his brains were sprayed all over the peeling black paint, but when he looked up he found himself staring at a pair of very shiny shoes. His eyes travelled upwards and he found himself looking up into his father's furious eyes. He grinned and giggled before abruptly evacuating the contents of his stomach all over his father's neatly polished shoes. He groaned and tried to get to his feet but instead a large, calloused hand came down from somewhere high above him and grabbed him by the back of the muggle t-shirt he was wearing. He felt it tear with a loud noise that sounded like a fart, this made him giggle even harder until tears were streaming helplessly down his face.

"Drunk…" His father hissed through his clenched teeth, he yanked his son roughly through the door and threw him onto the hall way rug. Sirius lay there, still laughing manically as he tried to regain his feet again. "You've been out with them again, haven't you?!" Orion growled.

It was always 'them' never 'your friends', as if James, Peter and Remus were little more than the trash his parents thought they were. Sirius managed, somehow, to defeat gravity as it tried vainly to pull him back down to the horrible green rug. He blinked up at his father blearily from his knees and grinned drunkenly. "Yeah…'m prop'ly sloshed…" He muttered, swaying on the spot as his father's face danced back and forth. "_Absoluuuutely_ sozzled…Mashed…very, _very_ pished…" He burst into more mad hysterics, he knew he was pushing things but he had imbibed enough alcohol to kill an Erumpent and his impending death by furious father seemed rather amusing. "Dad…You got…puke on your robesss…" Sirius muttered, hoping to be helpful. But his crappy attempts at calming the situation down only seemed to be making everything worse, a hand descended once again and this time it tangled in his hair. He was yanked roughly up, his feet leaving the floor momentarily until a hank of his hair parted company with his scalp for good, he cried out as he was slammed into the wall. "Ouch…" Sirius gasped as he rolled onto his back and lay still, panting heavily while the world spun in ever decreasing circles. Blood seeped sluggishly from his scalp where his father's fingers had torn his hair out, he closed his eyes and swallowed the urge to vomit again. Slowly, with a grimace of pain he struggled back to his feet, he stumbled into the wall and leaned against it but before he could recover his wrist was grabbed by freezing fingers and he was dragged helplessly into the kitchen. His father deposited him into a chair and began rummaging through the cabinets until he found a dusty bottle of bright blue liquid. Orion pulled the cork and moved over to where Sirius was slumped, he once again grabbed his hair and yanked his head back. The blue liquid was poured down his throat until Sirius began choking, he was released and he began coughing violently until tears streamed down his cheeks. The effect of the potion was immediate, he could feel his head clearing and vision slowly began to return to normal. He groaned as a headache to end all headaches hit him like a freight train. He sat upright and wiped his mouth on his sleeve as he lifted his eyes to meet his father's.

"You utter disgrace!" Orion growled, folding his big arms across his broad chest. "Getting drunk and daring to return home in a state like a filthy Mudblood! You are a Pureblood, you should carry yourself as one. I am reaching my limit with you, boy! If your mother were to see you like this you would have been in even worse trouble. Your brother is very impressionable right now and he doesn't need to see his older brother acting like a complete fool and embarrassing this great family. If you dare to ever set foot on this door step as drunk as you were again I will make sure you never see that useless school again, do we have an understanding?"

Sirius blinked slowly before hanging his head and rubbing at his temples, he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and grimaced as he tasted bile in the back of his throat. "Yes father…" He rasped and heard his father grunt in response.

"Disgusting child." Orion muttered and left him sitting in the kitchen.

_~Toujours Pur~_

'_Yes father' 'of course mother' 'anything you say father' 'I won't do it again, Mother.' 'I'm sorry, Father.'_

It was always the same, their nagging seemed to increase every year. It was a constant stream of hissing suggestions of what he should be doing, where he should be going, who he should be spending his time with.

'_This is supposed to be a family gathering, not a Muggle rock concert…change your clothes at once, Boy.' 'You're not like Regulus, he's a good boy. He never disobeys or makes me angry.' 'Why can't you be more like your brother? His behaviour was impeccable tonight.' 'Eat properly, you're not an animal.' 'Sit straight, don't talk with your mouth full and stop trying to vanish your vegetables.' 'What on earth am I going to do with you, child?! You can't even perform such a simple spell without breaking something; I swear you're almost as useless as a squib!' 'Regulus has always been much more talented than you, why can't you learn from his example? He's never outshone by mere Mudblood's.' _

Sirius lay on his bed, arms stretched out to either side of his body as he stared blankly up at the ceiling. He sighed softly to himself before lifting his hands and scrubbing at his face roughly, he could hear the rasp of new beard growth and feel the stubble beneath his fingers. He needed a shave. He sighed again and rolled over onto his side, he stared mindlessly across his room and fiddled absently with a loose bit of cotton on his bedspread. He could hear his brother humming softly to himself from his bedroom, it was an odd counterpoint to the noise from the traffic outside his window. Sirius huffed and his fringe fluttered as he rolled onto his other side restlessly. It was three days before he would be returning to Hogwarts, he could almost taste his freedom. It was a relief to finally be escaping Grimmauld Place, he couldn't wait to finally be able to be himself again and not have to worry about his parents discovering the secrets that lay hidden in a box beneath his bed. He closed his eyes and pushed his fingers into his hair, feeling it's texture and grinning to himself as he once again rolled onto his back. Soon. Only three days to go. He would be free once again. He sighed and smiled happily as he imagined seeing James, Peter and Remus again. Movement disturbed his thoughts, he opened his eyes and turned his head so he was looking at the door, he saw his brother standing there and gazing in at him curiously. Regulus was in his pyjama's, his hair still damp from his bath and he smelt faintly of roses. "Reg, get out." Sirius snapped irritably.

"What are you so happy about?" Regulus asked, stepping into his brother's room and eyeing the décor with a wrinkled nose. "It can't be because you're going to be seeing Bella tomorrow, you hate each other."

"No. It doesn't matter to you what I was smiling about, now get out before I hex you into next week!" Sirius grabbed his wand and pointed his threateningly at his brother.

Regulus gave him a doubtful look before shaking his head slowly. "You won't hurt me, Sirius." He said with confidence and moved to sit down on Sirius' bed, Sirius huffed irritably and threw his wand back onto his bedside table before rolling over and looking in the opposite direction to his brother. Regulus smiled in triumph. "Is it because we're going back to school soon?" He asked as he picked up the towel he had around his shoulders and began drying his hair absently. "Because I'm pretty excited too, it's my OWL year."

"Yeah." Sirius said, his voice surly as he sulked with his arms folded stubbornly across his chest.

"Are they as hard as they say they are?" Regulus continued, determinedly ignoring his brother's attempts at being anti-social.

"No. They're a piece of piss." Sirius grumbled.

"You did really well, didn't you?"

Sirius attempted a shrug. "I 'spose."

"Mum and dad weren't impressed though, you got a Poor in History of Magic."

"No one pays any attention to Binns, you know that."

Regulus grinned, he liked to force his brother to talk to him, even if he pretended to get all huffy and irritable. "True enough." He said and sighed as he let the towel fall into his lap, his hair was a tangled birds nest. Sirius rolled over to face him, he took one look at his brother's hair and a tiny smile flitted across his face as he sat up and summoned a hair brush from his desk.

"Here, let me brush your hair." He said and Regulus sat still while Sirius tamed his jet black locks. "It's getting long, Reggy." Sirius said quietly, his face a picture of concentration. "Soon you'll look more like me, mum and dad won't be able to tell us apart."

Regulus snorted then winced as Sirius pulled a little too hard. "Of course they will, you're bigger than I am."

"I 'spose so." Sirius said absently, a small frown creasing his brow as he gently brushed out a knot. "So, what you planning to do when you get to school?"

"Well, there's the parties that Professor Slughorn sets up…he keeps bugging me to get you to go to one of them but I told him that you'd rather swallow Buboter Puss."

Sirius sniggered. "And what did he say to that?"

"He just gave me a funny look." Regulus turned around to look at his brother closely. "Siri?"

"Yeah?" Sirius let the brush fall into his lap and cocked his head slightly.

"I…Well…" Regulus paused and frowned, he looked away from his brother's inquisitive gaze as he chose his words carefully. "I heard from someone at school…" He swallowed his nerves and ploughed on. "They said that they'd seen you and…and that Lupin…in…in one of the empty classrooms on the third floor…they said they saw you k-kissing…"

Sirius was silent for a long time, the lack of reaction from his brother made Regulus look up nervously. Sirius' eyelids lowered and he squared his shoulders defensively, Regulus knew this look well, it was one he always wore when their parents confronted him on some wrong doing. "And who said this?" Sirius said softly, his hands stilling on the handle of the brush.

"It was Avery…He said that you were a great poufter who'd shag anything with a cock…" Regulus grimaced at the distasteful words before sighing heavily. "It's true, isn't it?"

"You can tell Avery to shove his lies up his big spotty arse." Sirius said venomously, his eyes turning icy cold. "Tell him that next time he spreads rumours to check his facts, the dirty, useless shit! I was in that classroom with Rebecca Cross from Ravenclaw."

Regulus raised an eyebrow. "The Mudblood?"

Sirius smirked and lay back on his bed with his arms beneath his head. "Yeah. She's a good lay."

"Impressive, she has massive boobs."

Sirius chuckled. "Look, you shouldn't believe all the shit that comes out of Avery's mouth, he's got it in for me and you know he has."

Regulus relaxed and smiled brightly. "Yeah, I suppose he does. That's good, for a moment I thought you were…you know…into blokes. I should have known better." He stood up but as he turned his back on Sirius he missed the flash of pain that flitted across his handsome face, when Regulus turned back it was gone. "Anyway, thanks for that, I'll see you in the morning. Good night, Siri."

Sirius smiled. "Night, little brother." When Regulus closed the door Sirius' face fell and he curled up into the foetal position with his face buried in his knees. He sighed sadly. "I wish I could tell you." He breathed into the silent room.

_~Always Pure~_

"Come back here this instant!"

Sirius' legs carried him as fast they could towards the edge of the trees, he leapt a fallen log, his wand clutched in one hand as he stumbled and somehow managed to right himself. He risked a glance back over his shoulder and saw the three older boys coming after him, he swore roughly and dived through a thicket of thick brambles. They snagged in his hair, ripping his t-shirt and jeans and scratching at his face but he knew that if he took an easier path he would be caught.

"BLACK! GET BACK HERE!"

Sirius' breathing came in great gasps as he pushed his way further into the bushes, ignoring the stinging pain as they tore at his flesh. He knew he would be in a world of hurt if he was caught by Malfoy and his cronies. He gritted his teeth and finally pushed his way to the other side, he stumbled on a fallen log and went crashing straight into a small stream of freezing water. Sirius gasped and struggled out with difficulty. His fingers found the mud at the edge of the stream and he pulled himself onto the shore, he fell onto his back and lay there, panting heavily as shadows chased themselves over his bloodstained skin. He could hear the voices from his cousins as they sought him, they called loudly and laughed when someone promised not to hurt him. Sirius growled deep in the back of his throat as he forced himself up onto all fours, with a nasty smirk over his shoulder thick black hair began to spring up all over his body. His hands shrunk and grew long claws, his face elongated into a snout with a shiny black nose and the growl turned into low, intimidating rumble.

The massive black dog flicked its tail, it shook the water from its heavy coat before slowly padding away deeper into the forest. It left the ever increasing frantic calls far behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: The next chapter. This story is starting slowly because it feels more comfortable that way and it gives me time to establish Sirius' relationship with those around him. I hope you're enjoying and thanks to those few who have faved/followed this story, I would really appreciate any reviews. Thanks.**

_~Always Pure~_

"Boys! Time to get ready for school!"

Sirius' eyes snapped open, he took a breath and grinned to himself as he threw off his blankets and climbed out of bed. He looked at his trunk which was already packed and waiting, the only thing left was the cage that normally held his black and white Little Owl. He searched his room and spotted it standing atop his wardrobe with its head tucked determinedly beneath its wing. "Oi, Squirt, it's time to go…" Squirt raised its head and sent him a glare before shuffling away from him. "You little bugger, get in the cage and be a good boy because we've got to get going soon. I don't want to leave without you." The Owl hooted at him angrily before leaping into the air and dive bombing him, Sirius yelled and ducked with his arms covering his head. He felt talons drag along his hands and swore loudly as he spun around to see Squirt settling into his cage. "Git." Sirius muttered balefully as he shut the cage door and sucked absently on the scratches on his hands. He rummaged out some muggle clothing and threw them on before checking his reflection and running a brush through his hair, he tied it back and turned to the door. "I'll see you after breakfast." He assured his owl who had already gone back to sleep.

"What happened to your hands, Sirius?" Regulus asked as he watched his brother sit beside him at the table.

"Squirt attacked me again." He said and began buttering himself some toast.

"Oh." Regulus returned to his breakfast and said nothing more.

"Good morning Regulus, dear." Walburga said as she swept gracefully into the room and sat down in a spare seat, she eyed her eldest son with scorn as he ate quickly. "Boy, slow down or you'll choke yourself." She reprimanded, Sirius sighed irritably but did as she said. "Good. Now then I want to lay down a few ground rules for this year, Regulus, you are beginning your OWLs and I am sure you will do well…" She looked up and met Sirius' eyes. "Or better than your brother at least." She said and Sirius glared furiously at his toast as he continued to eat in an attempt to ignore his mother. "I want you to do the best you can as I'm sure you will, we want to be able to show the family what a good boy you are."

"Yes mother." Regulus replied cheerily and smiled, Walburga returned the expression. The transformation in her face was astounding, when she smiled Sirius could see himself in her. She was a beautiful woman, but he only ever got to see this side of her when she was around his brother, he felt the familiar soft pang of pain and regret and suddenly lost interest in his food.

"Now, you, boy." Sirius forced his eyes up and he met his mother's glare with a carefully constructed blank expression. "If I hear one tiny rumour of you getting into trouble this year I will take you out of that school and send you to your cousin's in Bulgaria, do you understand?"

Sirius lowered his eyes, his face a careful mask of false humility. "Yes, mother."

"Good. Now then, shall we go?" She stood elegantly and swept out of the kitchen, her two sons following obediently.

_~Always Pure~_

Platform Nine and Three Quarters was packed with students, Sirius immediately began searching for someone he recognised as he pushed his trolley through the crowds. His brother hurried at his side and their mother trailed behind with a look on her face that spoke of disgust, Sirius ignored her continued mutters about what she thought the school should do with filthy traitors and Mudbloods. Finally, as they reached the edge of the platform he spotted one of the faces he had been dying to see. "James!" Sirius called loudly but before he could run off to greet his friend he felt his mother grip his shoulder and hold him back.

"I want you to sit with someone different." She hissed, her eyes flashing dangerously. Sirius pouted, a petulant expression that only seemed to make his mother even more angry. "I warned you this morning that if you put a single foot out of line then I will make sure you never see your friends or your school again, do you understand me?"

Sirius sighed heavily and nodded. "Fine, I'll be a good little boy." He said softly, his eyes darting to the left. Walburga clenched her jaw and reluctantly released her eldest son, she turned her back on him and began a long winded, loving good bye with Regulus. Sirius turned away from them and began making his way onto the train, he pulled his trunk after him with his cage in his free hand. He was joined by Regulus who followed him down the corridor as his brother began checking for empty compartments, he watched in amusement as Sirius was hailed repeatedly by people from different houses and years. He was surprised by how popular his brother was and more than a little envious of all of the attention he gained. Sirius was stopped often by girls, most of them extremely pretty and Regulus sighed as they exchanged flirtatious greetings. He noted that his brother was polite but his manner cold and uninterested, Regulus found this odd considering how he was always claiming he had slept with numerous girls from all over the school. Finally Sirius stopped and a bright, beautiful smile transformed his features. He straightened his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair before yanking the door open, he stepped inside without even a 'see you later' to Regulus who sighed to himself before moving on to find his own friends.

Remus stood up and helped Sirius push his trunk onto the rack above their heads, as they did so their shoulders brushed lightly and they turned to grin stupidly at each other. Sirius had never known how hard it would be to miss someone he cared about so much, he had hung around with James, Peter and Remus only once during the summer but they hadn't had any time alone to continue to explore the relationship they had started two weeks before they broke up for summer.

"Did you have a good summer?" Remus asked as they sat down together, his hand twitched longingly towards Sirius' but neither of them seemed brave enough to make the first move.

"Oh…it was…alright I suppose." Sirius replied with a casual shrug, he leaned back against the seat and looked out the window. Remus caught him casting nervous glances at him and couldn't help the soft smile that spread across his lips, slowly his hand crept towards Sirius' and their fingers entwined. Remus opened the book he had been reading and disappeared behind it to hide the flush of pleasure that stained his cheeks pink, Sirius grinned into the window, hoping Remus couldn't see the idiotic expression. They sat like that in comfortable silence for a little while, each enjoying the company of the other until the compartment door opened with a loud bang.

"Hello my fellow Marauder's!" James cried loudly and before he closed the door they all heard the giggles from the corridor. "I do hope I'm not interrupting anything, you two are looking a little too cosy in here all alone." He grinned at Sirius and Remus who had released each other's hands as soon as the door had opened, Remus lifted his head out of his book and blinked up at his friend.

"Oh yes, Jamie, we were shagging like two Jack-Rabbits in here until you walked in. Please be so kind as to leave again or we may have to involve you, I mean, we could always do with a third to help us in our kinky little sex games." Sirius grinned and James returned the expression.

"Padfoot's over-exaggeration aside, yes you did interrupt something." Remus said softly, putting aside his book and smiling. "I was just reaching the good bit in my book. Hullo, Prongs."

"Moony, good to see you old pal." James threw himself down into the seat opposite his friends and casually ruffled up his hair; he lifted his leg and put his foot on the seat as he gazed intently at Sirius and Remus. "So, how was your last few weeks of the summer holiday?" He asked as he pushed his glasses further up onto his nose.

"My parents and I went down to Cornwall, we stayed in a little B&B and went to the Beach one weekend. It was nice." Remus replied contentedly.

James turned his eyes to Sirius who waved a hand dismissively. "I fought off hoards of evil trolls, I defeated an Infiri and saved a beautiful maiden from being eaten alive by a dragon…you know, the usual."

"Ah Padfoot, I wish you had bothered to include us in your ever intriguing adventures…or at least shared the bloody fair maiden, I could do with a shag." James replied with a long-suffering sigh.

"Not going well with Evan's still then?" Sirius replied.

"No. I met with her in Diagon Alley when I went to get more School robes for this year but she completely blanked me, even when I was calling her name. I know she heard me because her mum asked her if she knew me." His face was a picture of dejection, even his hair seemed to wilt with disappointment, Sirius grimaced in sympathy.

"I'm sorry, mate."

"No problem, I made an oath that I would get her one day and I am determined to fulfil it!" James stared determinedly out the window as the train began to pull away from the platform, Sirius felt a familiar lurch of excitement and smiled happily to himself. He was returning, he was finally returning to Hogwarts, his true home.

_~Always Pure~_

Hogwarts was it's usual glittering, magnificent self. Sirius sat in the Great Hall enjoying the excellent food and even better company as he laughed and joked with his friends. He sat beside Remus and every time their knees touched beneath the table he smirked to himself, his eyes meeting his new lovers and then flicking away as he was caught staring by the object of his affection. James was his usual rowdy self, at one point climbing on the table as he tried valiantly to declare his undying love for Lily Evan's. The only thing that marred his brave and ultimately foolish escapade was the fact that he stepped backwards into a bowl full of acidic green jelly. Lily hid her face behind a curtain of vivid red hair and put her hand to her eyes, she ignored James utterly but Sirius saw the flush of embarrassment on her cheeks. He laughed loudly with everyone else when James made a strange, strangled noise of disgust as his foot squished through the wobbly substance and laughed even harder when he fell backwards with a crash, sending plates and food everywhere. He sat there, his school robes soaking up gravy, chocolate sauce, custard and pumpkin juice with his hazel eyes wide with surprise. Sirius followed his gaze and saw Lily laughing hysterically with the rest, tears of mirth spilled down her rosy cheeks and she was unable to hide her amusement at James' antics. James grinned foolishly and ran fingers through his hair, covering it in bright yellow custard. He hardly seemed to notice as he climbed down from the table and sat back in his seat with an ominous squelch, his expression was one of dreamy happiness and Sirius patted his shoulder.

"You got custard in your hair." He whispered and James hummed absently as he took the napkin Sirius offered him. Sirius adjusted James' dirty glasses for him and heard him sigh happily.

"She laughed…" He muttered dazedly. "She laughed, Padfoot."

Sirius looked down the table and saw Lily recomposing herself with difficulty. "Mate, she was laughing _at_ you not _with_ you."

"Don't care…she has a beautiful laugh…" James sighed again and gazed dreamily into space, Sirius shook his head, completely confused.

Finally dinner was over and they were dismissed by Dumbledore, they left the table and Remus ran off to guide the first years up to the dormitories. Sirius stayed behind with James and they slowly made their way through the secret passages, their feet moving without thought as they walked in silence. Finally Sirius looked up with a frown. "Hang on, where's Peter? Wasn't he following us?"

James stopped in his tracks and blinked. "Oh yeah…I thought he was. Maybe he went to the loo?"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe." He continued on without speaking for a time before it was his turn to stop, he looked at James for a long time in calculating silence. James raised an eyebrow and waited patiently. "James…there's something I have to tell you."

"You know you can tell me anything, Pads." James said and patted him on the shoulder.

"Yeah…I know…" Sirius turned away with a distracted frown, he licked his lips and steeled himself for what he was about to confess. He opened his mouth but before he could speak they heard someone running up behind them, Sirius shut his mouth and smiled as Peter rounded the corner puffing and panting. "Later." He assured James who nodded and frowned a little in concern.

"Guys, I thought you'd wait for me!" Peter gasped, bending over and putting both hands on his knees.

"Er…" James looked away guiltily. "Sorry, Worm."

Peter sighed as he regained his breath. "You weren't paying attention when I said I had to go talk to McGonagall did you?" He said sulkily and James and Sirius shared guilty looks.

"Um…" Sirius looked away. "Sorry about that." He said and Peter lowered his head.

"It's fine, come on, let's go back to the dorm." He muttered and walked off, scuffing his feet as he went.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I hope the few Faves/Follows I have on this story will enjoy this next chapter, thank you for taking an interest and as always any review/comment is always appreciated. We are slowly but surely coming to the big event that sets the story in motion, I hope you can continue to be patient until then. I am trying to inject a little humour into it but my sense of humour is of the more bizarre side so I apologise if it's not amusing, lol. **

_~Always Pure~_

Sirius felt the desk press into the backs of his legs, his body thrummed with deep seated pleasure as Remus' tongue met his own in the confines of their open mouths. He moaned softly and pushed his fingers deep into Remus' hair, slowly he pulled himself closer. Finally they pulled apart long enough to breathe and Sirius smiled sweetly, an expression Remus had come to recognise as one he spared only for him. "Moony?" Sirius muttered hoarsely, his hands shaking a little as he ran his fingers through Remus' hair.

"Mm?" Remus hummed and nipped lightly at Sirius' throat eliciting a soft murmur of excitement from him.

"Do you…do you want to try going all the way?" He whispered nervously, Remus pulled back and stared at him with a small frown. Sirius bit down on his bottom lip as he met his boyfriend's eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Sirius looked down at his hands as he fiddled absently with Remus' tie. "Well, I was thinking over the summer that we could try and um…you know, have sex?" He looked up to evaluate the effect of his proposal.

Remus sighed heavily and kissed Sirius lightly on the lips. "I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that yet." He replied and felt guilty when Sirius gave him a puppy-like pout. "I'm sorry, Siri…I don't want to rush this. Let's take our time, yeah?"

After a beat of tense silence Sirius huffed his fringe out of his eyes and smiled. "Alright, I won't force you."

Remus returned his expression and leaned in for more of those sweet kisses he had learned to love, they continued to kiss long after curfew, neither boy caring about what happened in the world around them as they wrapped themselves around each other.

When they decided it was high time that they return to the dorm they walked back hand in hand beneath James' invisibility cloak which Sirius had borrowed. Abruptly Sirius halted just before they rounded the corridor that led to the portrait of the Fat Lady, he looked at Remus who was hunched low, they had grown so much since their first year it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide themselves completely. "Moony?" Sirius began softly and smiled when Remus squeezed his hand. "I was thinking that maybe we should tell James about us."

Remus looked up at Sirius with a small frown of concern. "Really?"

"Yeah. He's our best mate, if we don't tell him and he finds out he'll hate us."

"But…what if he doesn't like it?"

Sirius chuckled quietly. "Then I'll force him to accept it. Come on, if you think that a guy willing to hang around with a Werewolf is going to criticise us for being gay you're more stupid than I thought."

Remus slowly nodded although his stomach churned at the thought of James discovering his secret obsession, he bit his bottom lip before sighing in defeat. Sirius was right, James would find out eventually and the likelihood of them losing his friendship because they had kept something so important from him was higher than him not accepting that they were a couple. Perhaps it was because he was so used to hiding big secrets or perhaps it was only because he was terrified of what would happen to him and Sirius in the future he didn't know, but something in his head baulked at the idea of telling anyone else about what they got up to on their increasingly frequent trips to 'the library'. Something inside Remus seemed repulsed by the idea of allowing anyone else to discover just how close they were, it was ridiculous for him to be so paranoid but sometimes when he looked at Sirius he wondered if what they were doing was right. It was only when their lips met in the dim classrooms at night, or when their fingers lingered on each other beneath tables that he felt at ease. He pushed these dark musings aside and smiled at his boyfriend, gently he took Sirius' hand in his own and they started off back to their dorms. "Ok, let's tell James tomorrow." He said softly and allowed himself to feel the now familiar (yet still so new) warmth fill his heart as Sirius smiled.

_~Always Pure~_

"Now, silent spells are the most difficult form of magic to accomplish." Sirius watched Professor Slughorn pace up and down before them like an overgrown walrus, his moustache blew as he huffed and manoeuvred his massive bulk around the tables. "Even in the discipline of Potions one will find that silent spells can come in useful, we will be going back to basics this term and re-learning the less complicated potions so that you can practice doing the necessary spells silently." He waved his wand at the black board and a list of ingredients and instructions appeared. "Today we will begin with a cure for boils, please read the instructions carefully." He finally settled down behind his desk and began marking papers while the class room erupted into a flurry of activity. Sirius yawned widely and leaned back in his seat, he stretched his arms above his head and sighed heavily.

"Sirius, are you paying attention?" Remus asked as he began chopping up ingredients.

"But this is kids stuff, Remus." Sirius moaned. "I can do this shit with my wand arm tied behind my back, I don't need to prove anything to anyone."

Remus gave him a look that plainly said he wasn't going to let Sirius get away with doing nothing. "Here," He said, pushing the mortar and pestle towards his boyfriend. "Grind up some of these." He dumped a load of ingredients in front of Sirius who whined loudly, he sounded exactly like his canine counterpart. Remus hid his smile as Sirius began mashing up the ingredients with an angry glare.

"Remus being a slave driver again, Siri?"

James' voice made Sirius jump, he was stood so close behind him he could feel his breath tickling the back of his neck. He shivered involuntarily and looked up. "Yes, yes he is." He muttered mulishly and poked his tongue out at Remus who studiously ignored him while he bent to light the fire beneath his cauldron.

"I know something that will cheer you up, Padfoot old friend." James said and a wicked grin appeared on his face, Sirius lifted an eyebrow in curiosity.

"And what, pray tell, Mr. Prongs, would such a plan involve?" He asked.

"Well, Mr. Padfoot…I have been doing some calculations and according to my rather large intellect I should think that if we added these…" He rummaged around in his pockets and withdrew a fist full of magical firecrackers. "Into Snivelly's potion at exactly the right time we will be in for a bundle of laughs."

Sirius' face broke out into an evil smirk. "Oh Prongsy, I do so love how you know me so well."

"Of course, how could I call myself a friend if I allowed you to suffer through this morbidly boring lesson without helping to ease it with some form of light entertainment?"

"You'll end up in detention again." Remus said quietly but without much conviction, he had long ago given up attempting to really dissuade his friends from doing stupid things. It was his lot in life, apparently, to end up dragged into their various schemes even if he tried not to be. He sighed as James patted him on the shoulder lightly.

"You're right, we probably will but I'm sure I can speak for Sirius as well when I say that I will have no regrets."

"Too true, Prongs. Too true." Sirius said gravely before breaking out into soft giggles.

Remus decided to take his usual tactic and ignore the pair of them until after they had completed their intended prank, he stirred his potion carefully, his lips pressed firmly closed as he tried to avoid whispering the incantations. It wasn't until Snape was adding the final ingredients to his potion that the room suddenly seemed to explode. Students screamed in terror and many of them tripped over their own cauldrons causing more potions to spill across the floor. The whole class was soon covered almost head to foot in green, thick liquid. It dripped off the ceiling slowly as an ominous silence descended, Sirius and James were bright red in the face as they fought hard to stop themselves from breaking out into hysterics. Calmly Remus picked up a nearby cloth and began wiping the Cure for Boils off his face, he was one of the few lucky ones who hadn't managed to accidentally ingest some of the nasty tasting fluid and he could see many faces turning green as people began to retch.

Snape stood perfectly still, his black eyes wide behind his coating of thick potion, his mouth was slightly open, frozen in surprise like a fish out of water. He took a long, shaky breath before slowly turning around to stare at the back of the class room. He was unsurprised to see Sirius Black and James Potter bent over in a silent fit of giggles, his eyes narrowed as fury nearly overwhelmed him. Before his mind could catch up to his body he had reached into his pocket and withdrawn his wand, without thought he sent a powerful spell flying across the room.

Sirius felt something hit him in the chest, he was thrown backwards violently across the desk he had been stood in front of. All the breath was knocked soundly out of his lungs as he crashed to the floor scattering ingredients and his favourite pair of golden scales everywhere, there was a clang as the scales met stone and he felt a strange burning sensation deep in his lungs. He curled up into a ball as pain lanced through his heart and he realised he was unable to draw in air. James' eyes widened behind his glasses before they narrowed in anger, hazel met black and both boys glared at each other.

"That was uncalled for!" James shouted across the room as people began to turn to see what all the noise was about, their reactions were slow as they recovered from the shock of being sprayed with potentially dangerous substances. "How dare you attack anyone when they can't defend themselves!" James shouted, his wand appearing in his hand, he lifted it but then Slughorn dived in between him and Snape, effectively blocking his view.

"Mr. Potter!" Slughorn gasped. "I think that's quite enough of that!"

"Sir, did you see him? He threw a hex at Sirius!" James replied, waving his wand vaguely in Snape's direction and causing little sparks of crimson to fizz into the air.

Snape sneered viciously. "You two put firecrackers in my potion, did you think I wouldn't retaliate?!"

"We weren't aiming to hurt you, you little shi-"

"ENOUGH!"

The shout went through the room like a banshee's scream, utter silence descended as all eyes moved slowly to the class room door. Slughorn went pale and he removed a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed nervously at his forehead. "Professor McGonagall…I say, I didn't expect you until later."

McGonagall looked more furious than even the Marauder's had seen her, James flushed and quickly stowed his wand away, his eyes darting around to see Remus knelt at Sirius' side. Sirius was lying still, wheezing horribly as he clutched at his chest, his face was as white as parchment and his lips had a worrisome blue tinge to them. "Now then…" Minerva stepped cautiously into the room, she eyed the devastation with narrowed eyes and they landed on James who was standing like a guard beside Sirius. "Who started this?" Snape, James and Peter all began to speak at once until the formidable witch lifted her hand and silence fell yet again. "Potter, please begin your side of the story."

James stood straight, his eyes on the floor and told her that Snape had hexed Sirius. McGonagall turned to Snape who was the colour of curdled milk, his wand still gripped in a tight fist as he glared death at James. "And you, Mr. Snape? Why did you decide it would be a good idea to start throwing potentially dangerous hex's around a busy classroom?"

"Potter and Black put firecrackers in my potion, it exploded and caused mayhem…as usual." He hissed, his eyes never once leaving James'.

"P-Professor…?"

McGonagall turned to Remus who was on his knees in a big green puddle, his face was white with worry and his mouth trembled a little. "Lupin, what is it?"

"Sirius…I-I think he's really hurt!"

McGonagall went straight to Sirius' side and crouched down, she looked carefully at him, her hand moving to check his chest and she found a great burn mark in his robes right above his heart. She pursed her lips, which were white with anger. "Take him to the hospital wing immediately, Lupin and ensure Madam Pomfrey is made aware of the situation."

"Yes Professor." Remus helped a half conscious Sirius to his feet and helped him slowly out of the classroom. When they were gone Minerva turned to James and Snape.

"Mr. Potter, fifty house points will be taken from Gryffindor for your potentially dangerous stunt and for daring to draw your wand in a class room." James sighed and put his hands into his pockets, he hung his head. "Another seventy points will be taken from Slytherin for actually using a spell to intentionally harm another student." Snape put away his wand with a shaking hand, his mouth taught with anger. "Both of you will attend detention every night for the first month of this term, I expect you both to able to conduct yourselves with more maturity at the end of it. For now, this class is dismissed so that you may all clean up before lunch. If I hear of anymore stupidity of this nature again I will suspend everyone involved." Without another word she spun on her heel and exited the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Another chapter my dearies. I hope you're enjoying and this one is leading up to the action, soon my loves, soon we will have fun. Lol. Please be so kind as to leave me any comments or reviews, constructive criticism is welcome as always, be aware that I know that I have made some stupid mistakes in the spelling of names (Evans being turned into Evan's, being a prime example) and it annoys me mightily that for some unknown reason this managed to completely escape my attention until AFTER it was posted. I'm sorry. Anyways, I like this chapter very much but must point out that Sirius is not evil, he is emotionally unstable (as he is in canon) and so his ideas of 'Revenge pranks' differ greatly from everyone else's. He will be much darker in this story as he is slowly dragged into the world of Dark Magic but he won't ever be truly Evil like Voldemort or Bella, this is because Dark Magic is said to be very addictive and at home Sirius is basically powerless so at school and other places he would naturally want to regain some of that power so that he doesn't feel quite so helpless.**

_~Toujours Pur~_

Remus sat beside Sirius' bedside as Madam Pomfrey began looking Sirius over, her mouth was drawn into a fine line of disproval as she muttered a near constant stream of condemnations about reckless students trying to use spells they didn't understand. Finally she drew away and shook her head. "He was extremely lucky not to have been hit with the full intention behind the spell." She said and turned to Remus who bit down on his bottom lip, he was having great difficulty in preventing himself from taking hold of Sirius' limp hand which dangled over the side of the bed. "If he had been he would have been dead in minutes. What kind of student dares use such a spell?!" She shook her head and picked up a potion with a red label.

"What spell was it?" Remus asked.

"_Asphyxia Mortem_, a spell designed to shut down the functions of the lungs and heart and ultimately result in suffocation. It is a spell that, while still legal to use, many have campaigned to have made illegal. Some would argue that it is a very dark spell and should be put under the same status as the Unforgivable Curses."

Remus paled visibly. "But Sirius will be alright?"

"Yes, yes. You got him to me in time and the spells effects were a lot less than if a fully fledged wizard had used it, Mr. Black is very lucky."

"I'll make sure he knows it." Remus replied with a relieved smile. Pomfrey returned his smile with one of her own.

"Lupin, I hope that this month you will not push yourself too hard." She whispered after closing the curtains around the bed, she looked at him in concern. "I really don't want you in here a week before the full moon barely able to function like last time."

"I will be careful, I promise."

"Excellent." She straightened and moved away from Sirius' bed. "I will just get a potion that will ease Mr. Black's breathing and heal whatever internal damage has been done and then, when he has taken them, I want you to go to lunch. You need to eat."

Pomfrey woke Sirius up long enough to make him take some potions before allowing him to lie back down again, as soon as his head hit the pillows he fell into unconsciousness again. Remus sighed softly and stood up, with a gentle, lingering touch of Sirius' limp hand he left the Hospital Wing.

"Move over, Moony." James muttered darkly as he took a seat beside Remus, Peter joined him on his other side and began pulling a plate of food towards him. "Bloody bastard!" James hissed angrily, he slammed his hand on the table, causing several students to turn and stare. "He could have killed Sirius!"

"But Sirius isn't dead, he's fine." Remus said and met James' gaze. "Pomfrey says that he'll recover, try not to get too worked up."

"How can I just let this go? He attacked Sirius without even any warning! It's disgusting."

"Well, I'm not condoning Snape's actions but to be fair you did humiliate him."

"So?! When does that mean you should try to murder someone?" James snapped.

"I said I didn't condone his actions, James. Please listen to what I'm saying before getting angry at me."

"I wasn't…" James stopped and sighed heavily, he pushed his hand into his hair and looked away. "Alright…I'm sorry, Moony."

Remus smiled. "That's quite alright."

"When can we visit him?"

"Later this evening. Pomfrey said she didn't want to overexcite him so we won't be able to stay long."

James nodded and pulled a large plate of treacle tart towards him before helping himself to a huge slice, he tucked into it with gusto and ignored Remus' raised eyebrow.

"Aren't you going to eat something a little more nutritious?"

"No. Are you my mother?" James retorted around a mouth full of tart.

Remus shrugged and continued eating his lunch in silence as he let the noise of the Great Hall wash over him like a gentle, familiar wave.

_~Always Pure~_

Sirius was sat up when his friends came to visit him, he was topless and wearing a thick bandage around his chest to hold on a poultice of healing herbs. When he saw Remus, James and Peter he grinned happily. "Hey, how were lessons?" He asked smugly, his smirk was almost insufferable until Remus returned it with an evil one of his own, he lifted his arms and Sirius saw, with mounting horror, that they were filled with books and various pieces of parchment.

"Homework." Remus said with sadistic glee as he dumped the pile on Sirius' bed.

"You bastard." Sirius grumbled, he picked up the first book and read the title before throwing it back on the pile. "I thought you'd at least allow me to get away with one day's worth of homework…I'm a sick man, Moony."

Remus snorted derisively. "You're well enough to sit up, therefore you're well enough to catch up on the lessons you missed."

"Bloody sadist." Sirius pouted, his eyes sparkling in the dim light of the Hospital Wing and Remus chuckled before pulling up a chair and sitting down, James sat on Sirius' bed and dumped a pocket load of chocolate onto it. "Ohh, yum! At least James cares." Sirius said and pulled open a chocolate frog, squashing it flat with a book before it could hop away from him. Remus uttered a strangled noise of horror which made Sirius smile evilly.

"So, do you remember what happened?" James asked, helping himself to a packet of Berty Botts Beans.

"Yeah, I was hit by a spell that nearly suffocated me. Probably the _Asphyxia Mortem _curse, which would explain why I couldn't breathe and why my heart wasn't working properly."

"You were awake when Madam Pomfrey was explaining that?" Remus asked in mild surprise.

Sirius looked confused. "When did she explain that?"

"If you weren't conscious then how do you recognise the spell?"

"Ah, well, when you've got a cousin who has used such spells before you soon get to learn the symptoms." Sirius said dismissively, yet Remus caught the way his eyes moved away from his and knew he was lying.

"You've used that spell before?" Remus asked with a frown of concern. "Pomfrey said that it was basically borderline Dark Magic!"

Sirius shrugged. "I read it in a book somewhere and tried it out…I didn't know what it'd do, did I?"

Remus' eyes narrowed in suspicion but he kept his worries to himself, James seemed to blithely accept the explanation and continued to eat his way steadily through the sweets he had brought for Sirius. Remus made a mental note to get Sirius to tell him the truth later.

After a moment of silence Sirius looked up with a dark frown on his face, he put his chocolate aside thoughtfully before absently rubbing his chest. "Pomfrey said I'd have a scar." He muttered absently.

"Wow, your first battle wound!" James said with a grin. "The girls'll love it." Sirius let his eyes drift to Remus who looked away, James continued, oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. "You might want to change the story a bit, you know to make it more dramatic…add a few Death Eaters and stuff to make yourself sound more powerful."

"Or make him sound like an idiot." Remus said quietly and James ignored him.

"What are we going to do to get revenge, Pads?" James asked suddenly, his eyes brightening behind his spectacles. "We should come up with something really good…it might take a little planning."

Sirius' face twisted into an expression none of his friends had ever seen on his face before, his smile made shudders of fear run up Remus' spine and James looked a little surprised. "Oh, I have a plan, Jamie. Don't you worry about that…just leave the planning of my little prank up to me, we'll be laughing about this for the next ten years, trust me." Sirius' eyes glinted beneath the soft glow of the gas lamps, his twisted smile remained firmly in place as he lifted a chocolate frog and snapped it casually in half. He lay back on the bed and put one arm beneath his head and began chewing casually on his sweet. "Our old pal Snivelly won't know what hit him." He hissed and the deep anger in his voice made fear and worry twist at Remus' heart.

"Pads, are you feeling alright?" James asked in concern.

"Of course. I'm simply grand, Prongs. Snape only managed to humiliate me in front of the whole class and send me to the Hospital Wing, he only nearly killed me…I'm absolutely. Fucking. Perfect."

Silence descended and Remus and James looked at each other with worry reflected in both their eyes, Sirius' declaration seemed strangely ominous and neither of them liked the rage that they sensed bubbling just below the surface of Sirius' calm demeanour. After a minute or two Madam Pomfrey came bustling out of her office with a stern frown on her face. "Alright, visiting time is over now boys, you can come see him tomorrow when I release him."

Remus leaned over Sirius on the pretence of filling up his glass of water, he pitched his voice low and whispered into his ear. "Don't do anything stupid, Sirius, please."

Sirius smiled brightly at him and Remus was glad to see the return to his usual self. "It'll all work out, Remus. Don't worry." He said softly and Remus saw deep wells of affection in his eyes, an emotion he had never seen there before except when Sirius looked at him. He grinned and tried to hide the flush that brightened his cheeks as he turned away and followed James and Peter out of the Hospital Wing.

_~Always Pure~_

A week after Sirius had been released from the Hospital Wing Sirius was lying on his bed as evening deepened around Hogwarts castle, he stared up at the canopy of his bed until the door to the dorms opened to reveal Remus looking exhausted. Sirius sat up with a frown of concern as Remus dropped his books and moved to Sirius' bed where he crawled onto the crumpled covers and lay down with his head resting in his boyfriends lap. "How did it go?" Sirius asked softly, running comforting fingers through Remus' hair.

"Those potions taste like crap and never really do anything to help." He whispered hoarsely.

"But Pomfrey reckons they should ease the tiredness at least." Sirius replied, hoping to cheer Remus up a bit.

"They don't." Remus muttered, turning his head so he was snuggled deeper into Sirius' warmth. He gave voice to loud yawn and Sirius noted how his canine teeth had sharpened to dangerous little points. Soon Remus would be a massive, hairy, howling beast and Sirius would once again be by his side to make sure he kept himself sane. He smiled as he remembered his plan for revenge against Snape, he had not told anyone of it and didn't plan to until it had come to fruition. He tugged lightly on Remus' hair and gently pulled him up so he could plan a loving kiss on his lips.

"What's that for?" Remus whispered tiredly, he blinked slowly at Sirius who saw the now familiar amber rings surrounding the usual dark chocolate brown of his irises.

"For being you, Moony." Sirius replied and Remus smiled, he pushed his fingers into Sirius' hair and pulled him in for another probing kiss. Their fingers entwined and Remus pushed Sirius back into the pillows, they shifted against each other moaning softly into each other's mouths as they dragged the kiss out for as long as possible. "Remus?" Sirius began slowly as they paused to breathe.

"Yes?" Remus asked, kissing Sirius' throat and making him groan heavily.

"You're turning me on." Sirius hissed sharply. "Don't tease, it's not fair."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to I-mmm…" Sirius cut Remus off with another deep kiss, he was rolled over onto his back and Sirius ran an exploring hand up Remus' thigh and pushed his robes to his waist. "Sirius…Sirius what's got into you all of a sudden?"

Sirius paused and gazed down at his boyfriend. "I just wanted to…well…I dunno, take things a little further…" He bit his lip nervously and slowly slipped off of Remus, he sat on the bed and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you off."

"No…no that's not what I…" Remus sighed and rubbed tiredly at his eyes. "Let's talk about this after the full moon, I'm just too tired at the moment."

"Yeah, sorry…I was being an idiot." Sirius stood up and adjusted his trousers where Remus couldn't help but see the bulge. "I…I-er…have to go take care of something." He smiled guiltily and Remus giggled as Sirius walked to the bathroom with an odd gait.

After relieving some tension Sirius stared at himself in the cracked mirror hanging on the bathroom wall, he sighed sadly to himself and washed his hands slowly. He liked Remus, perhaps he even loved him, he wanted nothing more than to experience sex with him but every time he tried to pursue the matter Remus always made some excuse. He was becoming tired of it, each night after long hours of intense kisses and gentle touches he came away with a raging hard-on and it was driving him insane to hold Remus so close and yet not be able to penetrate the barrier of their clothes. He desperately wanted his first time to be with Remus, there was no one else in the entire school he would rather be with but he was finding it increasingly difficult to turn and walk away when their snogging sessions became too heated. He would never have admitted it but each time Remus turned him down it hurt. His heart ached as he wondered if Remus was really as into him as he said he was, he needed physical confirmation that their relationship was more than just curiosity. He dried his hands on a towel and glanced back at his reflection, it wasn't because he was unattractive, if he wanted he could take any person he wanted as lover and the likely hood of him being refused was slim to none, so why was Remus so reluctant to take their relationship to the next level? He pouted and ran his fingers through his dark hair before finally turning away, he re-entered the dorms and found Remus curled up on his bed fast asleep. Sirius smiled brightly, his eyes softening as he tip-toed over to his dorm mate and curled up at his side, he wrapped his arms around Remus' warm body and buried his face in his hair. With a smile he let himself drift off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hi, this is where things begin to change, although the basic story of this is mentioned in Canon I have embellished it for my own purposes and promise you that this is about as canon as it gets from here on in. This chapter is nice and long as there's a little bit of action in it and we get to see a bit more of Sirius' darker side, I hope you enjoy and if you could leave feedback it would be muchly appreciated. Thank you.**

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius watched the last dredges of the sunset disappear behind the castle, he had his hands pushed deep inside his pockets as he hid in the shadows cast by the castle's wall. He smiled to himself as he watched Madam Pomfrey appear followed by Remus, they cast quick looks around before striding off in the direction of the Whomping Willow. Sirius yawned widely, he was alone this evening because James was in detention and Peter had homework to catch up on but he was looking forward to this night none the less. He remembered putting his plan into action a few hours earlier…

_He spotted Snape coming out of the Great Hall, his head bowed and his back weighed down with books. James was complaining loudly that he was already sick of his detentions while Remus frowned irritably at the floor, Peter followed them looking morose as he considered the pile of homework up in his room. Sirius stopped and his friends paused, looking back at him questioningly. He smiled. "I'll be right up, I've just got to pop to the loo." He said and James nodded before leading the others away, Remus took one last lingering look back with a small frown before returning his eyes forward again. Once they were out of sight Sirius followed Snape down to the dungeons, just as they reached the wall where the Slytherin common room was Sirius reached out and tapped Snape on the shoulder. The boy spun around in surprise, his eyes widening briefly before his hand dived for his wand._

_Sirius grinned wolfishly and leaned against the wall with his arms folded across his chest, his eyes glittered eerily in the light from the torches. Shadows chased themselves across his face making him look gaunt and a little frightening, Snape realised Sirius hadn't drawn his own wand and allowed his to fall to his side, but he didn't dare put it away, everyone knew Sirius was a fast drawer. "Well hello there, Snape." Sirius hissed softly. "I'm glad I managed to catch you before you went to your dorms…" He paused and ran his fingers through his hair before smirking again. _

"_What do you want, Black? I don't have time for your pathetic little games."_

"_I only wanted to give you some rather important information." He said slowly, eyes boring holes into Snape's. "I thought you'd be very interested."_

_Snape was silent for a while, suspicion written all over his pallid face and his black eyes sparkling like twin pieces of jet. "And what is this information?"_

"_Tonight go to the Whomping Willow. When you get there levitate a stick to press the large knot at the base and that will still the branches, beneath the roots is a tunnel…I'd recommend that you follow that tunnel. There's some very interesting stuff in there that may interest one such as yourself."_

_Snape frowned. "And why would I follow those instructions when you're not going to give me anymore information? I'm not stupid, it sounds very much like a trap to me."_

_Sirius shrugged. "Well, if you don't want to see what James and myself get up to at night then don't bother. I don't really care to be honest, I just thought you'd like to see something really cool." He turned his back and began walking away, he smirked to himself and when Snape's voice finally reached him his smile widened._

"_Alright but if it's some kind of stupid prank, Black, I promise you I'll get you expelled once and for all."_

_Sirius chuckled quietly to himself before turning around. "Oh, trust me, Snape, you're going to enjoy it. I'll see you at the Willow." He lifted his hand in farewell and moved on down the hall._

Sirius waited until Madam Pomfrey had left the Willow and returned to the castle before breaking away from the shadows and moving off to join Remus. He smiled happily to himself and hummed a little as he removed the Marauder's Map from his pocket and searched for Snape. He found him hovering in the Entrance Hall and grinned before stuffing it back into his pocket.

Remus turned at the sound of someone scrabbling through the tunnel, he smiled when he saw a head of pitch black hair appear and Sirius climbed out of the secret entrance to the Shack. Sirius stood and brushed himself down before walking over to Remus and pulling him close, their lips met in a passionate but brief kiss and Sirius pulled away to brush his fingers gently down Remus' spine. "We got the place to ourselves tonight, Moony." He breathed softly, his breath brushing Remus' skin and sending shudders of excitement through his body.

"Yes but that doesn't give you carte blanche to do what you want, I'm still going to turn into a mad, hairy beast when the moon rises and you're going to be a big black dog…we won't have time to do anything."

"No but we can kiss now and in the morning…maybe…?" He looked so hopeful Remus wished he could simply say yes but as always he felt something deep inside him refuse stubbornly.

"Padfoot I…I just can't…" He muttered, his fingers fisting in Sirius' robes. He closed his eyes and felt Sirius stiffen against him, slowly he pulled away and left Remus feeling cold and alone.

"Ok. Fine." Sirius said, his voice full of pained anger. "I get the message…you don't like me enough to fuck, fair enough but you could at least have the bloody decency to be honest with me! What's the point in lying and giving me hope of ever moving this relationship forward…?" He paused before letting out a humourless, nasty sounding bark of laughter. "Relationship…that's a good one, isn't it? What kind of relationship is it where the people involved don't even take it further than kissing? What kind of lover doesn't even want to seal their love with any kind of physical act?" He sneered viciously and Remus looked away, his eyes going dark with some unknown emotion. Sirius was too angry to think about it, he strolled across the room and turned his back on Remus with his arms folded stubbornly. "You know, I'm not pushing you just because I want to lose my virginity…" He said his voice softening as he vented a deep sigh. "You're the only person in this whole damned school I want to sleep with…of all the people who have tried to get into my pants you're _the only one_ who could actually get somewhere! Remus, can't you see how much I care about you?" He turned around, his eyes glittering softly in the light from the only candle and Remus felt his heart skip a beat. "I really, really like you and I honestly think that I could love you if we give this thing a chance but…but I can't and won't be in a relationship with no physical contact. I'm sorry, I'm only human."

"Sirius…I'm sorry…" Remus said quietly, he was surprised by the passion in his boyfriend's voice. He had never known just how much Sirius actually felt about him and now he understood his constant suggestions that they take the next step, but he still couldn't do it. He was still finding it hard to adjust to the fact that he fancied men, let alone that he held a deep, burning passion for his best friend. It had happened so quickly that he hadn't really had time to process it all and, unlike Sirius, he wanted to take his time and explore these new things carefully. He wanted to examine every aspect of his new relationship and for the moment he couldn't allow himself to give into baser desires. "I just…I just can't…not at the moment. I'm sorry."

Sirius gritted his teeth before looking away. "Ok…fine." He said in a hard voice. "Let's discuss this later, after the transformation."

"Thank you."

"I'm not going to let you get away from it this time, Moony." Sirius promised just as the first rays of Moonlight appeared on the horizon, he watched with deep pity and sadness in his eyes as Remus gasped and doubled over. With a soft sigh he moved over and knelt before Remus, gently he took his head in both his hands and kissed him deeply. "I won't leave you, not tonight."

"Sirius…" Remus hissed through clenched teeth, he fell forward onto all fours and lowered his head as agony began tearing itself up his spine.

"It's ok, Remus…I'll stay by your side." Sirius whispered as hair began to sprout all over Remus' body, he closed his eyes and willed his own transformation.

_~Toujours Pur~_

James finished his detention with bad grace, McGonagall dismissed him early because she had another matter to attend to but he now had to add two more hours onto his next detention. He sighed heavily and began making his way straight to the Whomping Willow in the hopes of being able to join Sirius and Remus. He walked as fast as his legs would carry him, down secret passage ways and finally into the entrance hall. At the bottom of the stairs he paused when he spotted Severus Snape walking into the grounds, he had a determined frown on his face and was muttering something under his breath. James bit his lip in confusion before taking out his invisibility cloak and throwing it over himself; he followed Snape at a distance to hide his footsteps.

The moon had risen above the trees but James only had eyes for Snape, he watched him as he stopped just out of range of the Whomping Willow's dangerous branches, he lifted his wand and whispered something under his breath. James watched a stick rise from the ground wing its way to the knot just above the secret entrance to the shack. James held his breath, shock and fear had rooted him to the spot and he felt a sick swooping sensation in his gut. How on earth did Snape know how to get into the secret entrance? How did he know that there even _was _a secret entrance? James watched in horror as Snape ducked under the still branches and stood before the entrance to the tunnel, even from where he stood he heard the low, forbidding growl that emanated from the tunnel. He heard Snape's sharp intake of breath and then he gave voice to high pitched scream that echoed horribly around the grounds, James broke his paralysis just as he saw two glowing amber eyes appear within the darkness. He threw the cloak from him and drew his wand as his feet took him towards Snape's frozen form, he could see the beast now, crouched low and ready to pounce. He took a deep breath and with the speed and dexterity accumulated from years of Quidditch practise he dived.

Snape felt something heavy and hard hit him in the side, he was driven to the floor where all the air rushed out of his lungs. He found himself staring up into the face of a terrified James Potter, his lips parted as if he was about to speak but he froze and his hazel eyes widened. Snape watched all the blood drain from his face and looked over his shoulder, he saw a massive hulking shadow looming over them both and blocking out the silver orb of the full moon. A loud growl shattered the silence and Snape felt another scream rise to his lips but James clamped a hand firmly over his mouth with a frown, slowly James turned his head and felt the heat of the wolf's breath on his face. Slowly so as not to scare the wolf into attacking them James lifted his wand, he swallowed as he stared into the eyes of death.

Then, as if from no where, a blur of jet black fur shot across their line of vision and slammed violently into the wolf's side. There was a yelp and a furious growl, James rolled off of Snape and hauled him to his feet. "Come on. Run." He gasped and grabbed him by the wrist, he pulled Snape back towards the castle, behind them they could hear the evidence of a fight. Yelps, animalistic screams and growls echoed across the grounds and James had time to briefly be surprised that no one had yet awoken in the castle. Finally he came to halt, his chest had a painful stitch and he was badly winded. He doubled over and began panting, trying to catch his breath as Snape did the same. Slowly James lifted his head and glared at Snape. "Get out of here!" He hissed. "Get back to the castle."

Snape looked back at the tree but there was nothing to see, the darkness covered all with a shroud and an eerie silence had fallen over the grounds. "What…" He gasped, still unable to get his breath back and form a proper sentence. "What was…that?"

James shook his head. "Nothing. It doesn't matter. Just go…go before-" James froze, his face draining of the last of its colour as a howl rent the still night air. He felt all the hairs on his body stand on end and slowly turned back to the forest. "Sirius." He muttered under his breath, the fear evident in his eyes. He tightened his grip on his wand and made to run back to the forest, a hard hand gripped him and he stumbled but caught his balance. "What?!" He snapped at Snape who looked grey with terror.

"It's Lupin!" He hissed, his finger nails digging into James' wrist. "You're keeping a Werewolf hidden on school grounds!"

James yanked his arm free and turned away from Snape. "Tell anyone and you're fucking dead!" He broke into a sprint and ran off before Snape could retaliate, when his figure had faded into the darkness Snape turned and ran back to the castle. He had to tell the teachers, someone could get seriously hurt or even killed. They had to know what kind of creatures were being hidden right under their noses.

James ran for his life, he could faintly hear something whining and felt fear prick his skin, he only had to hope he made it in time to prevent total disaster. As he neared the forest he spotted a huge shadow, it was crouched low and growling loudly, beside it was another figure, this one only slightly smaller. They were circling each other slowly and when James drew close enough to see details he stopped. He saw Padfoot slinking with his belly close to the floor as he leaned back on his haunches, his teeth were bared threateningly at the wolf who was mirroring his position. James licked his dry lips, without thought he put away his wand and transformed.

The stag thundered towards the wolf, it's head lowered threateningly. The wolf spun around and snapped at the antlers that nearly hit him in the side, he dodged and made to run around it to get at it's legs, when he moved to the right however he was faced by Padfoot who snapped at his muzzle. Moony jerked backwards with a furious snarl and reared onto his hind legs, Padfoot went for his throat with a loud bark but the wolf was faster and batted him aside with a giant paw. Padfoot shook his head but recovered quickly, he turned in time to dodge as the werewolf went for his leg. As he snapped at the wolf's tail he saw Prongs canter towards them and begin to drive the wolf back towards the Willow. Padfoot got the message and followed suit. They worked together to harry and push the werewolf back into the deep tunnel.

As soon as Moony was safely back in the shack Sirius reverted to human form, he gripped his side and slipped down the tunnel wall with a wince. James, who was unable to fit in the tunnel as Prongs, was already human again. "Sirius!" James gasped and fell to his knees at his friend's side, he forced Sirius' hand away from where he was wounded and tore open his shirt. His pale skin was marred by a brutal looking bruise that lay just beneath the puckered scar that Snape had caused, James sighed in relief and fell onto his backside. He pushed his hands into his hair and tried to calm his racing heart. "Fuck…" He said shakily and Sirius giggled. James lifted his head with a frown, something was dawning on him, something horrible, something that should have been impossible but here was Sirius, laughing as if it was all a hilarious joke. Behind them in the shack they heard a frantic scraping, a desperate howl and low growls but neither boy took much notice, they knew the wolf would be unable to get past all the stuff they had used to block the entrance. Sirius' smile faltered a little, he began to frown.

"What's wrong? Didn't you see Snape's face?! It was hilarious." Sirius chuckled again and looked down at his bruise. "I hit Remus pretty hard, huh? Well, at least I didn't get bitte-" Pain exploded in the side of his head, he fell sideways with a cry as his hand went to the bit that hurt. Slowly he lifted his head and saw James sitting on his knees and breathing heavily, his hazel eyes were narrowed in anger and he still had one fist raised. "You hit me!" Sirius exclaimed in shock. "My face! My fucking _face_, Potter!"

"You deserve that and worse!" James growled, Sirius had never seen him so angry at his friends before and the shock of it made him numb to the throbbing pain in his chest and cheek. "What the fuck were you thinking?! Do you even comprehend what just happened here? You stupid, useless idiot!" James lifted his hand again as if he was going to hit Sirius again but before he could Sirius had his wand drawn and pointing at him, his silver eyes narrowed in anger. James stared at his friend and could see the place where he had hit him darkening already, Sirius lifted his chin haughtily and a sneer crossed his face. Black hair fell into his eyes but he didn't brush it away.

"Don't. Don't you _ever_ call me useless!" Sirius hissed, his normally handsome face screwed up in pain and fury. "Not you…never _you_. _You're not fucking supposed to say that_!" His voice quavered and he took a sharp breath, his face cleared and he dropped his wand and put his hands over his face.

James lifted his hand and reached out to him but Sirius flinched away so violently he yanked his hand back as if burnt. "Sirius…?" He watched his friend draw his hands away from his face and lift his eyes to his. "I didn't mean to say you're useless…I was angry. What you did tonight was…well, it was stupid. Stupid and dangerous! Do you understand that you could have got us all killed? You could have got Snape turned for crying out loud! This is not funny. Not funny at all. This isn't a prank, you're fucking with people's lives and it could have turned into a much worse situation."

Sirius looked away, his eyes focussing on a random root that had pierced the tunnel wall. He glared at it and his mouth twisted in anger. "It was supposed to be a joke…I was supposed to scare the little shit…I didn't want anyone killed or…or bitten."

"Thank Merlin no one was." James said with feeling and bit his bottom lip as a thought occurred to him. "I don't know how you're going to make this up to Moony."

Sirius' reaction was, to James, a little over the top. He went white as parchment and his hands began to shake, he looked at James with huge round eyes that imitated the moon outside. "Oh…oh fuck…oh Merlin…what…what have I done?! I…I've fucked everything up! Jamie…He'll never forgive me!"

"I'm sure he will." James assured him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "At the end of the day no one was really hurt, that should count for something. You did save Snape in the end, I saw you tackle the wolf when he was hovering above us."

Sirius grimaced and looked away, he spoke to his knees with his eyes shut tightly. "I was trying to stop you from getting your head ripped off." He muttered. "Snape never even entered my mind."

James paused, he had no idea what to say to that so he stood up and brushed himself down. "Come on, let's get out of here."

Sirius sighed heavily and climbed unsteadily to his feet, slowly he limped through the weed choked tunnel and out into the cool night. As they emerged Sirius felt eyes on him, he jerked his head up and he hissed air through his teeth. "Oh fuck!" He exclaimed and James bumped into him as he froze on the spot.

"Siri, what-?" He followed Sirius' gaze and saw what had scared him, his heart sank right down to his toes as he realised that his detentions were such a tiny thing in comparison to what would happen to them now.

A group of people were gathered around the tall, intimidating figure of Albus Dumbledore. Their worried voices carried to the two boys on the wind and they looked at each other, Sirius looked as if he was going to his execution and James looking genuinely guilty. Slowly they both took a deep breath and moved towards their respective dooms.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: In the previous chapter I forgot to explain why Sirius and Remus are having problems in their new relationship. Well, for starters Sirius is harassing Remus for sex because of the reasons he stated but also because I've always imagined him to be a very physical person so the sexual side of a romantic relationship would be important to him, Remus however comes across as a much more emotional person and so I have made him slightly more reticent and someone who wants to explore the emotional side first before he jumps in with both feet. Also, Sirius is impulsive and Remus tends to think things through. As for the reason Snape acts like an idiot and falls for Sirius' 'joke'…well, he knows that it's a trap but there's a part of him that is curious about what's hidden in the Whomping Willow…or at least that's my thinking. I would have thought he'd be too clever not to work out a trap when he saw it. So, that's that. Enjoy the latest chapter and if any new readers wish to leave me any reviews that would be lovely, thank you.**

_~Always Pure~_

As the two boys approached the group of teachers warily Dumbledore turned to them, Sirius saw the anger written across his face and had to force his back to remain straight and his eyes to meet the headmasters. "What is the meaning of this?" He said softly and Sirius looked at the floor, scuffing at it with the toe of his shoe.

"Professor, it was an accident. Sirius was-" James began but stopped when Dumbledore held up his hand for silence.

"I have heard from Severus that Sirius deliberately led him into a trap, is this true?"

Sirius sighed, still avoiding Dumbledore's gaze. "Yeah." He said quietly. "I thought it'd be funny to scare him."

"Black! Do you know how serious this is? If Snape hadn't have come to us first the whole school could have discovered Lupin's true nature! On top of that you could very well have led him to his death!" McGonagall said in disgusted shock. "I am so disappointed in you, your actions have shown a complete lack of responsibility and a thoughtlessness that I would not have expected, even from you! All of you could have died, you could have been bitten! What your parents are going to say I don't know."

Sirius went white, his stomach twisted itself into knots and he bit down hard on his lip. "Y-You're not…you're not going to tell them, are you?"

"Of course I will! I'm bound by my contract to alert parents to any mishap that their children are involved in. You're our responsibility while within these walls and while we will punish you ourselves the parents must be alerted so that a suitable punishment may devised at home as well…of course, something of such a serious nature may even result in expulsion."

Sirius felt a wave of dizziness make his vision go grey, he swayed on his feet and grabbed James' shoulder for support. "…E-Expulsion?" He whispered hoarsely, his terrified eyes moving from one teacher to the next. "Really?"

"Really." McGonagall replied shortly, her mouth pressed into a hard line. "We may be able to keep this out of the hands of the Ministry but the Governors will have to have a vote on what path to take next, don't expect any leniency from them. You will be expected to stand up before them and make your case and, depending upon your motives, they will decide your fate…if you truly had no other intention other than to scare Snape then perhaps they will only consider expulsion but if there was any hint of something more malicious then I will warn you that they may decide to take it to the Ministry and involve them."

Sirius' breathing became rapid as panic constricted his throat, his fingers dug painfully into James' shoulder but he was unaware of it as his vision tunnelled and his mind buzzed with the myriad of terrible consequences for his actions. "No…" He breathed and felt his knees threaten to throw him to the floor, it was undignified but he was having incredible difficulty in keeping himself upright until he felt a warm, reassuring arm slip around his waist to hold him up.

"If it hadn't been for James, Severus could have died, Sirius." Dumbledore said gravely. "All of you could have ended up before a court and potentially sentenced for murder. That is how serious the situation is, detention is not enough to placate those who will mete out your punishment. I am most disappointed, I would have thought you would have had more concern for the fate of your friends."

Sirius felt bitterness sting his tongue and he swallowed the dry lump in his throat, his eyes burned horribly and he rubbed at them roughly. "I'm…I'm sorry…" He muttered thickly. "I never meant for anyone to get hurt! I just…I just thought it'd be funny."

"Sometimes it is with those kinds of intentions that plans can go horribly awry." Dumbledore replied and turned away. "I have to alert the Governors to the situation, I have, fortunately, sworn Severus to secrecy about what happened here tonight. The only thing the student body and the Governors will be made aware of is that you led Severus into a very dangerous trap involving a wild animal, for now that is all I can do. I am sure that in the morning you will wish to see Remus and he will want explanations, I only hope that you can hold on to your friendship." With that he returned to the school while McGonagall stood there staring at Sirius with a dark frown and complete disappointment in her eyes.

"I honestly thought better of you, Mr. Black…Obviously I gave you far more credit than you deserved." She too turned away but paused and sighed softly. "Return to your dorms and try to get some sleep, Mr. Lupin will want some answers in the morning, I'm sure."

Sirius' mouth trembled a little and he turned wide eyes to James who shook his head slowly. "I can't help you this time, Sirius." He said quietly but put a reassuring hand on his friends shoulder, he pulled him to his side and sighed heavily. "This might well be the end for the Marauders."

That morning Sirius was sat, picking morosely at his breakfast when a familiar owl flew down to his table. It was much later than the other post owls so when it arrived many people turned to stare, Sirius gazed at it through a haze of exhaustion as he plucked the letter from its scaly leg. The owl hooted at him before taking wing again and flying back out into the early morning fog. The letter was made of thick, expensive parchment, the writing was neat and officious looking and when Sirius turned it over he saw that it had been sealed with black wax and he could clearly see the family crest stamped firmly into it. His fingers trembled as he ripped it open, he felt James read over his shoulder but made no move to stop him.

_We have been informed of what happened last night by your headmaster. I am writing to tell you that we will be removing you from the school; we have simply had enough of your continued rebellion. You have the rest of the week before we will come to collect you directly, your Headmaster has attempted to dissuade us from this course of action but we believe it is for the best. From now on, until you turn seventeen, you will be home tutored so that we may keep an eye on you. From now on you will do nothing that we do not approve of, you will conduct yourself with proper pureblood pride and we will ensure that you will never again go against our wishes. As our eldest son you are our heir and heir to the powerful name of Black, if you do not begin to act like it your freedoms will slowly be restricted one by one. I hope you now truly understand your situation and we will see you this weekend. Your parents._

Sirius crumpled the letter up in his fist and stood up, people turned to look at him as he shrugged off James' hand and walked out of the Great Hall. He made his way up the Marble Staircase and through the secret passage ways back to the Common Room, when he entered it was empty so he threw himself down into one of the squashy arm chairs and stared into the fire. Regret was the emotion that filled his heart, regret that he had messed up so badly, regret that he had allowed himself to put everything he cared about in danger. He felt guilt weighing him down as well, guilt for what he had done to Remus and guilt for the pain his actions had caused. He sighed heavily and pushed his hands into his hair as he bent his head. His parents were, for once, true to their word. He would be removed from school, be publically humiliated and punished when he got home. He felt a small twinge of fear but forced it aside, fear would help no one. He would be forced to leave the only real place he had ever called home and he would once again be stuck in Grimmauld Place, this time there was no escape for him in Hogwarts. He was alone in the room and so he allowed a little emotion escape through the cracks, he bent his head and covered it with his palms, his shoulders shook as he hid his tears behind his fingers.

James entered the common room with Peter at his heels, he spotted Sirius slumped despondently by the fire and moved to his side. "Hey, are you alright?" He asked softly, Sirius nodded and as he raised his head he wiped his eyes angrily.

"Fine." He muttered, his voice catching only a little as he looked away from his best friend. "I'm…alright, Prongs."

James bit his lip and sat down at his side, he put a hand on Sirius' shoulder and squeezed gently. "Maybe…maybe there's some way around this." He said quietly.

"Don't bother." Sirius replied. "My parents won't change their minds…all this time I was convinced they weren't serious…now I know different."

James had no idea what to do or say, he fiddled awkwardly with the sleeve of his robes before smiling a little. "Hey, why don't we go down to see Moony after our next lesson? He'll like to see us."

Sirius turned away and shook his head, he walked towards the stairs that led towards the boys dorms. "No. I'm just gunna go straight to lesson…I-I'll see you there." He left James and Peter alone, they exchanged looks and James shook his head slowly.

"This is completely unfair." He said and stood up. "Sirius made a stupid mistake but he doesn't deserve to be taken out of school."

"I suppose it's better than Azkaban for attempted murder." Peter said brightly in an attempt to lighten James' sour mood, instead all he earned was a glare that made him flush bright pink.

"Shut up, Wormtail." James growled and stalked away.

_~Toujours Pur~_

"So…Where's Sirius?" Remus asked as his friends settled down around his bed, his voice was stiff and his shoulders tense, his eyes gave nothing of his inner thoughts away.

James smiled weakly. "He's…he's busy. He had to sort some stuff out, don't worry I'm sure he'll visit."

Remus looked away with a frown, his fingers scratching absently at his bandaged arm, he had earned himself a nasty scratch from his transformation. "Uh-huh." He said, still he didn't relax and James shared a worried look with Peter.

"It's true. He's trying to talk his parents out of taking him out of school." Peter piped up.

Remus turned to them with a surprised expression. "His parents are taking him out of school?"

"Yeah." James' face crumpled and he slumped in his chair, his fingers fiddling with a stray bit of thread as he glared at it as if it had done him some great wrong. "They said that his latest…erm…mistake was one too many. He's leaving this weekend."

Remus blinked as he digested this information slowly, he let his hands fall into his lap and rest on the white coverlets. "So…so he's never coming back? He'll be…gone for good?"

"Yeah." James rubbed at his face with both hands. "Life's not going to be the same." He said softly and Remus saw pain written clearly across his face, he tended to forget just how close Sirius and James were and it hurt him to see his friend in such distress. "I-I'm…I'm gunna miss him."

"I know, James." Remus said and put a soothing hand on James'. "I'm sure he'll miss you too." His expression softened and he closed his eyes. "Although I don't want to see you hurt, I can't help but think that he deserves it."

James looked away. "I understand, you're angry but…but can't you forgive him? I mean, it ended up being perfectly harmless in the end, didn't it?" He looked up with painful hope in his eyes but Remus shook his head, James was shocked to see tears sitting, unshed, in the corners of his eyes.

"It's…it's just not that easy." Remus whispered and slowly removed his hand from his friends. "He betrayed me, James. He as good as told Snape what I was, he gave my secret away! It's not as if it's something as trivial as some secret crush either, it's my _life_! It's…it's what I am! I-I'm a monster, and if people find out…well, it'd be the end of me…" He bit down hard on his bottom lip and put his face in his hands. "I can't forgive that so easily, I'm sorry." He avoided saying that it wasn't even just the betrayal of a friend but a betrayal of someone he had been rapidly falling in love with. He would now never tell James what truly lay between Sirius and himself, he would take that secret to his grave. He felt the ground in which he was stood upon begin to crack, his trust in his friends had been shattered and now he couldn't trust anyone.

"If I hear you call yourself a monster one more time I'm going to smack you one." James snapped angrily, he folded his arms across his chest and glared at Remus. "You're not a monster. How many times do I have to say it before it gets through your thick skull? Don't let your furry little problem define you! You're not the wolf, you're Remus John Lupin; my book-worm friend and fellow trouble maker. Now just you think about _that_ instead of doing the whole self-pity routine you and Sirius seem to have down to an art."

Remus couldn't help himself, a smile broke out across his face and he giggled softly. "Mr. Moony would like to inform Mr. Prongs that he is an idiot but that he is a lovable idiot none the less."

James gave him a big, wonky grin and ruffled up the hair at the back of his head. "What can I say? I'm just an epic friend." His face fell as his thoughts turned inevitably to Sirius and his predicament. "I don't know what we can do to help Sirius." He said quietly and watched Remus turn cold abruptly, he sighed heavily. "Will you ever forgive him?"

Remus frowned and looked away. "I don't know, James…I just…don't know."

_~Always Pure~_

The weekend approached with the rapidity of a train, Sirius soon found himself waking up Saturday morning with a headache and a heavy, sick feeling in his stomach. He reluctantly got out of bed and stared at his packed trunk, his fingers dug into the mattress and he lifted his head to look about his dormitory. He saw James and Peter sitting on their beds, there was no sign of Remus who had been avoiding Sirius as if he had Dragon Pox.

"So…breakfast then?" James said in an attempt to bring some form of normality to the unusually sombre mood in the room, Sirius shook his head and grimaced.

"Nah mate, I'd better not." He said croakily and cleared his throat. "I reckon I'll stay here and see if I can find anything I-I might have missed…" He stumbled on his words and closed his eyes. "I'll be alright on my own, you guys head down to breakfast, I'm sure Mo-Remus will be there."

James climbed off of his bed and went to his friends side, he sat down at his side and looked across the room. There was silence for a long time, Peter watched on avidly as James reached up and patted Sirius awkwardly on the shoulder. "I-I…I reckon I'll go have some breakfast." He said finally and stood up. He avoided Sirius' eyes and moved back to his bed to get dressed, Sirius sighed and went to the bathroom. As he showered he dwelled absently on all the years he had spent at Hogwarts, of the times he, James, Remus and Peter had got themselves into trouble, of all the laughter and joy that had filled the dorms. He was suddenly glad that the water was falling onto his face because it hid the embarrassing tears that began to fall when he thought of Remus.

_~Always Pure~_

Sirius stood at the foot of the Marble Staircase, his suitcase lying at his feet and his hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his muggle jeans. His hair hung into his eyes as he gazed longingly around the hall, he had it tied back in a rough ponytail that fell to the nape of his neck. He saw people had begun to gather and gawp at him so he let his shoulders straighten a little, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing him leave the castle looking upset. He spotted his brother standing by the entrence to the dungeons and watched him sigh and shake his head, he turned away and saw James standing at the top of the marble stair case. The two boys gazed silently at each other as Sirius' parents appeared out of the castle grounds. James abruptly jumped down the stairs, he grabbed Sirius by the shoulders and yanked him roughly into a tight embrace, Sirius felt a small smile touch his lips and he wrapped his arms tightly around his friend. "I'll miss you mate." James whispered tightly. "Write to me, won't you?" His voice took on a hopeful edge to it and Sirius' face fell.

"I'll try, I can't promise anything though."

James pulled away and dug his fingers tightly into Sirius' shoulders. "If you don't write, I'll visit and I know you'd hate that." He grinned shakily and Sirius returned it. "Good bye."

"See you around…old friend." Sirius reluctantly pulled away from James and gave a small wave as he picked up his trunk and moved away, he walked towards his parents but paused when he reached their sides. He turned on the spot and a huge smile broke out across his face. "Give 'em hell for me, Potter! I'll know if you don't!" He shouted so his voice echoed around the hall, James lifted a hand in a salute and laughed. Sirius felt his father's fingers dig painfully into his shoulder as he was steered away, he turned automatically towards the Great Hall where he had been sorted and his life had truly begun and he saw Remus standing in the shadows, he lifted his hand half way into the air before letting it drop to his side. He hung his head and allowed himself to be steered away from the Hall, away from Hogwarts, away from happiness. He felt his heart break in his chest as he saw Remus' expression in his mind's eye, the pain on his face had been so open it had made him look so vulnerable. Sirius lowered his head in shame, _Fucking coward, _he thought and it echoed through his head like an insistent ghost and wouldn't leave him, even as he tried to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: New chapter, seriously I would really appreciate any comments you may have on it. Thank you.**

_~Always Pure~_

"Happy Birthday, Sirius." Sirius stared blankly at his reflection in the mirror inside his wardrobe, he sighed heavily and scooped his hair back and tied it with a band. He shrugged on his robes and let them fall elegantly around his feet before turning away and walking out his room, he shut the door behind him and walked down the stairs.

"Ah! There you are, you have to eat quickly this morning we have so much to do." Walburga said as he entered the kitchen, she was frowning down at a sheaf of papers as Sirius sat down and pulled some toast towards himself. "We really should invite Bella, she will want to be there for your coming of age ceremony." She took a delicate sip of her tea and lifted her eyes to see Sirius' face twisted in disgust. "I won't have you ruining this, you know how important the ceremony is."

"It's old fashioned." Sirius grumbled and held out his cup for Kreacher to fill. "I don't want to spend my birthday stood up in front of a bunch of people I hardly even know and do all that ridiculous ceremonial bullshit."

"Language!" His mother snapped and Sirius rolled his eyes. "It is a tradition! Your father did it, your uncles, cousins and _grandfathers _did it! You will stand there all night as is proper and not a word of complaint will escape your lips or I will ensure you never leave the house again. Every male heir has had his Coming of Age ceremony; you _will _go through with it."

Sirius slumped and added sugar to his tea before taking a sip. "Fine." He said quietly, his mother nodding absently as she ticked off something with her black quill.

"Ah yes, your brother has finally got permission from school to come home for it. That is excellent news. He's doing ever so well in his studies, it's just a shame you'll never have his intelligence."

Sirius looked away from the smug look on his mother's face, he pushed his half eaten breakfast away from himself and stood up. "I'm done." He said and turned to leave.

"One last thing, if your friends continue to send you letters I will have to seal your windows. Please stop writing to them, they're hardly suitable correspondences for one of your position."

Sirius felt a violent, sick rage wash through him. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, his nails dug deep into his palms and he turned his back on his mother and walked away in silence. When he reached his bedroom again he slammed the door shut so hard it almost broke, he leaned against the wood and tipped his head back with his eyes screwed tightly shut. His nails left long gouges behind in the paint and he gritted his teeth against a scream that wanted to tear itself free of his throat.

_~Always Pure~_

The hall was filled with people, all family members and most of them Sirius had never met before. He stood beside a pedestal that held gently shifting water, he was supposed to stand vigil all night and already his legs ached and he had only been there for an hour. He hadn't eaten or drunk anything for a long time and his stomach was rumbling in angry protest, he shivered and silently damned whoever had decided that wearing clothes to a coming of age ceremony was wrong. If he met that person he would gladly wring his neck. He stood, naked and blatantly visible for anyone to see at the head of a large, rectangular hall in a mansion of his Aunt's. It was freezing cold and he could feel goosebumps erupting over his flesh, his soaking wet hair dripped steadily down his face and the water got into his eyes every time the officiator of the ceremony decided it was time to drench him. Sirius knew that this was all supposed to be part of becoming a man but he would much rather be at home with a nice hot drink and a good book or, he thought sadly, he would rather be at a raucous party with his friends. He would rather end the night curled up beside Remus' warm body, their fingers tangled and his face buried into Remus' hair. He closed his eyes and shivered violently. He wondered vaguely what would happen if he just decided to step down from the dais and go home, he suspected the consequences would be disastrous and so he continued to stand as still as possible with chattering teeth and shaking hands.

"You're doing very well."

Sirius turned to look down at his brother who was smirking in such a way it made Sirius want to punch him in his smug face. "Fuck off, Reg." He growled.

Regulus grinned. "Come on, after this you get to officially become a man…if you don't wuss out that is. Bella told me that the boys who don't make the whole night in the cold get removed from the family tree, apparently in the Olden Days they were executed! Be glad we can't do that anymore."

"I suspect it irks our parents every day that we've had those kinds of laws changed, I'm sure it would give them never ending pleasure to watch me burn at the stake."

Regulus' face fell. "Don't say that, Sirius. They're only doing it because you're so rebellious and difficult, if you weren't then maybe they'd leave you alone."

"I doubt it." Sirius said and watched his mother speaking to the Malfoy's. "I've seen the look in their eyes, they think I'm a worthless piece of junk and if they could get rid of me they would."

"Alright, think what you like but when you're always fighting with mum it hurts her, I've seen it." He walked away leaving Sirius alone once again, he shivered and managed to catch himself before he wrapped his arms around himself. He wasn't allowed to show any weakness, he had to stand still and slowly grow colder as the officiator occasionally poured more water over his head.

_~Always Pure~_

Remus stared out the window, he watched the wind bending the branches of the trees of the forest far below. His breath steamed up the window pane, he lifted a finger and absently drew a little smiley face, he felt his lips twitch as he remembered Sirius doing the exact same thing. His smile faded and turned into a bitter twist of his lips, he was stupid to still be dwelling on Sirius, even after all these months. He should have moved on, perhaps found someone else to fall in love with, maybe even someone who would be as accepting, as loving as Sirius had been. He sighed and pressed his forehead to the window, it was cold against his brow and felt good against his too hot skin. The dorms were empty because James was still doing detentions and Peter was stuck in the library as he worked on his latest potions essay, somehow the dorms had become too quiet after Sirius' departure. James had suddenly become quieter, he spent more time gazing into the fire instead of being the irresistible centre of attention that he had been before. He was no longer a chatterbox and only answered questions with a single word if it could be helped, he was broody where once he had been happy and outgoing, he had a nearly constant frown on his forehead and he rarely smiled as much. Sirius' absence had destroyed something vital within the group of friends, it seemed that without one of their number they no longer worked, like a clock without one of its cogs. Remus was forced to admit that he missed Sirius desperately, he woke up and found himself yearning for the touch of his ex-boyfriends hand, the feel of his breath against his neck and the soft press of his lips. He found himself wishing he could get his hands on a time turner and prevent the whole disastrous episode from happening, he wanted to write to him and apologise, he wanted to find a way to get him back…but then a part of him was unable to forgive him. He couldn't help but imagine what could have happened and it made him sick to his stomach when he thought about how Sirius had been capable of such a betrayal. He was torn in two and unable to decide where his feelings currently lay, he lifted his hand and wrapped his arms around his knees. He only wanted to regain that feeling of wholesome happiness he had gained when he had been around Sirius, he only wanted him to come home.

"Hi." The door opened and miserable looking James entered, he threw himself down on his bed and sighed heavily.

"Hi. How was your detention?" Remus asked as he stood up and put away the book he had been trying and failing to read.

"I think that if I have to do one more line my hand will fall off, if I so much as see another bottle of ink I'm going to go insane." He put his hands over his face, his fingers stained with black ink.

"Well, it'll soon be over." Remus said with a small smile. "You've only got one more week to go."

"I suppose." James huffed again and stared up at the canopy of his bed. "Sirius hasn't written back since my last letter…I hope he's ok."

Remus pointedly turned his back to hide his pained expression, he put his book down on the bedside table and began rummaging out a clean pair of pyjama's. "I'm sure he's fine." He said stiffly.

James sat up and frowned. "Are you going to tell me what the hell was going on between you two? Other than the fact that he played a stupid prank that is. I'm not stupid, I know something was going on, you two changed towards each other before the end of last year."

"Nothing was going on James, don't be silly." Remus replied, trying to sound casual but knowing he was failing.

"Come off it, mate. Sirius was acting weird for months and then suddenly there's this weird tension between the pair of you. Look, I know that Sirius was…" He paused with a frown as he attempted to put his words delicately. "…not as interested in the opposite sex as he liked to make out. I know he was struggling with his identity for a while, I just didn't know how to bring it up without making him angry, I was waiting for him to tell me but then all this stuff happened and he left before we could talk. I don't want you, either of you, to think that my friendship is so shallow that I would ditch you for who you fall in love with. I just wish you could trust me enough to tell me these things, isn't that what friends do?"

Remus forced himself to turn around, he saw James looking at him with a slightly hurt expression and his resolve to never speak of his relationship with Sirius crumbled. "I'm sorry, James. We were going to tell you, I swear we were, but we never got the time." He sat down heavily and pushed his hands into his hair. "Do you remember that night after Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup?" James nodded and his eyes widened, his mouth formed a little 'o' of surprise. "Yes. Sirius had got me drunk and after everyone had left the common room we played a little game of truth or dare, it was just us, alone and by the fire and when I asked Sirius the question he asked for truth and so I…I asked him who his secret was and he smiled…" Remus' own face broke into a sweet smile of his own as he remembered. "You know that smile, the one he gets when he's trying to be charming? Well, he smiled and before I knew it he had his hand on the back of my neck and we were k-kissing…" He flushed bright pink, he could feel the heat coming from his cheeks and had to avert his eyes from James' smirk. "He drew away and whispered in my ear that he'd liked me for months but had never had the courage to confess his feelings, he was afraid that I'd not feel the same and it would ruin our friendship. I was so shocked I think I said something stupid but finally I managed to tell him that actually I did like him as well and from then on we decided to give it a go." His smile fell and he rubbed at his eyes. "We never did get a proper chance to be a couple, he ruined it."

James didn't know what to say, he looked at Remus and felt pity in his heart. He knew how awful it was to be constantly rejected by the person you loved but he had yet to experience a break up, he had had plenty of flings himself but he was uninterested in a long term relationship with anyone but Lily. "He must have really liked you, he seemed devastated when he realised his prank would affect you too…I…I hit him for it, if that makes you feel any better."

Remus looked up and smiled weakly, he shook his head. "It doesn't but thank you anyway."

_~Always Pure~_

"No! I refuse! Absolutely not! I would rather have a bunch of pissed off firecrabs stuffed down my pants than suffer through that!"

"Watch your language, boy!" Orion growled from where he was sitting and reading the paper, his pipe clamped firmly between his teeth. "Listen to your mother and do as your bloody well told, you're a man now and have a man's responsibilities! It is high time you got married."

Sirius felt sick, he glared at his parents furiously. "I don't want to get married! I've never wanted to get married! I don't want that kind of commitment especially to some vapid bimbo I've never even met!"

"We don't care what you want, you will have your bride chosen for you by us as is traditional and you will marry and produce some heirs. The family line must not become extinct. We expect you to shut up and do as you're told for once, stop acting like a petulant child and shoulder your responsibilities like an adult."

Sirius stood up abruptly, his eyes flashing with fury. "Go fuck yourselves! I'm not getting married! I'm never going to have children and I will never, ever take a woman to bed!" He turned and flung open the door, it crashed into the wall with a loud bang and he left a stunned silence behind him as he stormed furiously up the stairs and into his bedroom. It was not until he had thrown himself onto his bed that he suddenly realised what he had said, his face went white and he put a hand to his mouth in horror. "Oh…oh fuck…" He whispered as dread filled his chest. He could only hope that his parents assumed he had messed up his wording in anger rather than work out the real meaning of his words, he sighed heavily and pushed his hands into his hair. "Oh Sirius…you've really fucked up this time." He breathed into the darkening silence of his bedroom.

A little later there was a knock on his door, Sirius glared at it. "What?!" He called and watched as it opened to reveal his mother, she looked down at him with disgust.

"Your father has contacted your cousin Bellatrix, we will be sending you stay with her for a few months. We are hoping that she will be able to change your ways, through whatever means necessary. I know what you meant by your words and frankly I am disgusted. How do you expect us to allow you to continue…" She paused, her nose wrinkling in distaste before she found the right words. "…to _fraternise_ with other men? You are a Black and we will make you act like it! You will marry the woman we choose for you, you will let Bella train this taint out of you and you will come home a better person. We will not allow our heir to debase himself or destroy this family's honour, if you ever so much as touch another man in any intimate fashion again you will be sent out of the country, you will be removed from the family tree and be forced to live with nothing and no one to help you. I know you do not have the skills that will allow you to look after yourself, all your life you've had Kreacher to cook and clean for you, without money you will starve. Think about it." She turned and walked out of the room, the door closed behind her and Sirius slumped back onto his bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Please enjoy the latest instalment of this story, if anyone has any comments/questions please feel free to review. Thank you for reading.**

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius gasped in a deep breath of fresh, night time air and stumbled forward as he appeared in a small copse of trees. He heard a soft pop as his father apperated beside him, Orion turned cold eyes onto his son and put a hand on the back of his neck. Sirius was steered irresistibly towards a little winding path, his father's hand was hot against the bare skin of his neck and he could feel his fingers pinching as they walked. "I can walk on my own, I know the way." He hissed into the quiet.

"I don't trust you, boy. Now get moving, I have things of my own to be getting on with." He guided his errant son down the path until they stepped out into a moon lit garden. Sirius looked up at his cousin's house, it was dark and almost smothered in Ivy, if it hadn't housed two of the people he hated most in the world he would have considered it to be rather pleasant. No flowers grew in the garden, only a large herb garden and a plot full of pants used in potions. "Now then, I want you to be good for your cousins, I don't want to be told you've been an embarrassment. Remember your manners and do exactly what Bella tells you to do, understand?"

"Yes father." Sirius sighed as they reached the small door, he eyed the knocker warily and grimaced in distaste as his father lifted it and knocked firmly. He knew he was going to hate every second he spent here and for the millionth time in the months he had been away from Hogwarts he felt a pang of emptiness as he thought of his friends. After a moment the door was opened by a timid house elf, she was wearing little more than a filthy rag that Sirius assumed had once been a dolls dress. She raised large, petrified eyes to the newcomers and bowed very low.

"Bring your mistress." Orion ordered and the elf squeaked a barely understandable reply before running off. "That house elf will soon be worked to death." Orion said conversationally, he shifted on his feet and cleared his throat.

"Well, I suppose work is what they do." Sirius replied softly, his eyes lazily scanning the rapidly dying plants beside the door.

"A proper wizard should always treat their servants well or they will become too sick to work and that defeats the purpose of them, it baffles me why Bella allows her own elf to become so scruffy…it doesn't look well for the owners of such a creature. People will make assumptions and it will cause rumours, that is not good for one's reputation."

"Mm." Sirius kicked absently at a clod of dirt on the cracked paving stone beneath his feet.

"Stop that." Orion snapped irritably. "Straighten up, you're supposed to be a guest here, you should show some dignity."

Sirius reluctantly straightened his shoulders. "Yes father." He sighed and stifled a huge yawn.

"Orion!" Bella's cool voice made Sirius' back straighten as it flowed softly out of the dark corridor beyond the door. "It's so wonderful to see you." She appeared dressed in sweeping robes of midnight blue satin, her hair was piled atop her head and pinned with a glittering pin of what Sirius assumed were real diamonds. She took hold of her uncle's hand and gripped it in both of hers, slowly she turned her dark eyes onto Sirius who gazed at her through his fringe. "Sirius, dear cousin!" She cooed and smirked, it was an expression Sirius had learned to hate and he had to fight hard with the urge to draw his wand. "How nice of you to come and visit, I'm sure the time you spend here will be fruitful…please, come in, both of you. I'll have the Elf make us some tea and-" She paused as Orion lifted his hand.

"I apologise, Bellatrix, I must be going. Walburga sends her regards and wishes you well."

"Thank her for me, will you?"

"Of course, I thank you for taking in this one…he is…in need of some training."

"I will do what I can with him, I'm sure that by the time he returns to you he'll be a changed man." Her smirk widened and Sirius sneered and looked away. "Well, good bye." She took hold of Sirius' wrist in one elegant hand, her long nails dug into his skin and made him wince slightly.

"Good bye." Orion turned and without a second look back he left Sirius alone with Bella.

"Now then Siri, let's get inside and get you some tea. I'll get the Elf to take up your trunk and we can discuss what you're going to learn during your stay." She chuckled and drew Sirius into the hall, he went reluctantly, his feet dragging and as the door closed behind him he took one last longing look back into the night. "I'm sure we'll enjoy each other's company."

Sirius allowed himself to be led through the house, past a rickety old stair case and into a living room that would have been cosy if it hadn't been for the fact that it was only lit by a single candle and the fire place was dormant. Bella pushed him down into an arm chair and she seated herself opposite. "So, where's that husband of yours?" Sirius asked as he gazed around the room with dull interest.

"Oh he's…busy." Bellatrix said carefully. "He will return on Monday."

"I see." Sirius fell quiet and shifted uncomfortably under the intense stare of his cousin, he met her eyes before looking quickly away again.

"So, Aunty Walburga has informed me that you've been a very, very bad boy." Her smile was positively evil as she lounged back in her chair and rested her hands on the arm rests as if she were sat in a throne.

"Has she?" Sirius replied.

"Indeed she has. She told me you were refusing to get married because you have a preference for men…the reason you're here is so that I can supposedly train it out of you." She threw her head back and laughed. "That woman can be so naive sometimes. I will speak plainly for you; I don't care who you decide to fuck." Sirius looked at her in surprise, she smirked in cat-like satisfaction. "Yes, I don't care. Why would I? Everyone has their little kinks and if yours is men, who am I to judge? I only wanted you here because I am interested in you."

"Interested? Why?" Sirius lifted an eyebrow as the house elf appeared and began serving tea with violently shaking hands.

Bella rested her head on one hand, the light from the single candle flitted across her features and made her look eerie. "Contrary to what your parents believe you're a very talented individual." She began slowly, her eyes sparkling with insane vitality. Sirius took his cup automatically when the elf handed it to him, he barely even glanced at her, his attention taken up with Bella and her strange statement. "You and I have not got along very well, I know."

Sirius snorted. "That's an understatement."

"Yes. Let's say that we have had our differences and now, perhaps, it's time we put them aside. I have an offer for you, little cousin…" She leaned forward and smiled. "I want to teach you some extremely advanced magic."

Slowly Sirius lowered his tea and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "I'm assuming that this magic your willing to teach me isn't on the Hogwarts curriculum?" Bella confirmed his assumption with a smile.

"Of course not." She agreed.

"Why would you do it? What am I to you?"

"Why, you're my cousin! We're family, Sirius, no matter what we did to each other in the past nothing will ever change that fact. I want to teach you because I truly believe that you are powerful and clever enough to understand it. I'm going to let you into secrets that not even your dear parents know, I can show you things you've never even imagined in your darkest dreams!" She saw the glitter of interest in Sirius' eyes and felt satisfied that she had him. "How would you like to be able to prove to your parents that you're not as useless and pathetic as they like to make out? How would you like to show all those who have ever doubted you that you are more than they think you are? Imagine how surprised Lucius Malfoy would be when you show him what you can do? No one would ever dare say those things about you again."

Sirius licked his lips and looked down into his tea with a dark frown, he was thinking and thinking hard. Despite Bellatrix's careful words he knew that what she was offering was to teach him Dark Magic, he knew that she was trying to get him to damn himself but he was unable to prevent the wave of curiosity and eagerness flow over him. He could imagine his parents faces when he showed them the spells he could do, he imagined making Malfoy eat his bullying words. He realised that he wanted it. He was sick and tired of being underestimated and treated like less than a house elf, he was bored of his life. He was bored of never learning anything new or interesting, he realised that he had also been extremely bored at Hogwarts. All his exams had been so easy he had rarely even tried, he had passed them all but he had never worked hard to gain the best grades because he had never seen the point in doing something he deemed below him. Slowly he lifted his head, he knew it would be illegal, he understood the risks but what if his new knowledge gave him more freedom? What if he could show his parents that he wasn't a useless waste of space? What if he could actually get them to look at him with pride? What if he could gain their love and respect? He considered these things carefully, examining each possibility like a precious stone.

Bella knew she had won when Sirius' head lifted and he looked directly at her, a small smile spread across his face and she returned it. "Excellent." She hissed softly.

"I'll do it, Bella but on one condition…"

Bella raised an eyebrow imperiously. "And that would be?"

"You don't tell anyone. I mean it. Not even your sister."

Bella smirked again. "Done."

_~Always Pure~_

"Happy birthday James." Remus said with a smile and handed his friend a neatly wrapped package, James grinned at him from his nest of coloured wrapping paper.

"Thanks." He said and ripped it open. "Oh cool!" He exclaimed and lifted out a small golden notebook. "What is it?" He asked and Remus chuckled.

"It's a notebook that can only be opened by the magical password, if someone else does open it they end up with a face full of Belching Powder."

James' eyes lit up in curiosity. "How does it work?" He asked, opening the book and flicking through its blank pages. "This sounds like the epic beginnings of a prank…if only I could find out what spell activates it then I could adapt it on a larger scale…the library would be the place to set the traps…" He paused thoughtfully and grinned. "Instead of Belching Powder how about itching powder? Or…or maybe some sort of spell…yes…something that'll get all the students forced to speak the truth to anyone who asks a question. That'd be really hilarious! What do you reckon Si-" He froze mid-sentence as he realised what he had been about to say, he sighed heavily and closed the book with a soft snap. Remus sat down beside him and lowered his head.

"Sorry, I thought it'd cheer you up a bit."

James smiled. "No…it's fine. I just…well, I miss him." He winced at the girly sound of his voice before staring across the room at the empty bed where Sirius had once been. "It's like he's died or something…It's horrible."

"I know." Remus whispered, his hand coming up to touch his friend lightly on the shoulder.

"The books great though, thanks." James put it aside on top of the massive pile of presents, he had most from his parents who had once again plied him with extremely expensive gifts. He had a golden watch, a set of intricate toy Quidditch players which really flew. He had a new set of real gold scales, a beautifully crafted cauldron and lots of sweets and prank objects. Remus knew that James was a spoiled brat, if he wanted anything he got it, even if he already had the same thing only a little older. He had received a brand new racing broom which was the only one sold in the country for his sixteenth birthday and he had taken it straight down to the common room to show it off. He had, however, generously given his old broom away to a girl who had been an excellent Quidditch player but whose parents had been unable to afford a broom for her. Remus smiled as he remembered the normally shy girl burst into tears when James had given it to her, she had thrown herself into his arms and planted a big, slightly sloppy kiss straight onto his lips. James hadn't shut up about it all through dinner until Sirius got so sick of it he sealed his lips shut with a spell.

"Come on, let's go get breakfast." Remus said and stood up, James followed suit with a nod.

They made their way down to the great hall, Peter following them like a little lost lamb. When they entered they sat down at the Gryffindor table and James began pulling food towards himself, as he lifted a sausage to his mouth to eat a strange hush fell over the Gryffindor's. James felt someone stood behind him and he looked up, he found himself staring into the pockmarked face of Avery. "Well hello there, I think you're lost, mate…your tables over there." He pointed back towards the far end of the hall.

"I know that, Potter." Avery smirked and leaned over him, James recoiled dramatically.

"Ugh! Don't get so bloody close, your breath stinks!" He exclaimed loudly to the sound of sniggers from the Gryffindor's.

"Shut it, Potter." Avery growled, his smile sliding from his face. "I came here to give you a little bit of news…I thought you'd be interested to learn that your boyfriend, Black, is in serious shit with his parents." His smirk was nasty and James let his hand drop into the pocket of his robes where his finger tips brushed the warm wood of his wand. "They're all saying he's been caught shagging blokes!" The boy said with sadistic glee, his eyes glittered as he watched for James' reaction.

"Sirius? Gay?" James laughed brightly. "You're kidding me? Where do you get your information from? He's as straight as I am. I've seen him with girls, your source is obviously sorely mistaken."

"Oh, of course you'd say that…You've probably spent all these years shagging him yourself and you don't want your filthy secret to get out. It's high time you were thrown off your pedestal Potter, watch your back, I'm going to make you regret ever insulting me. You'll learn what happens to filthy Bloodtraitors and Mudblood's!"

James' face twisted in fury and he was about to draw his wand but a strong hand gripped his. Remus calmly looked up at Avery. "I think you should watch your language, there are teachers just up there who wouldn't take too kindly to the filth coming out of your mouth. Now go sit back down where you belong."

Avery sneered angrily and half turned away, before he moved he spoke in a hissing whisper. "I know your secret, Half-breed and if you ever threaten me again so will the rest of the school." He left the table and James felt Remus' hand tighten convulsively on his wrist.

"He was joking, Remus…it's fine." James muttered as he returned his eyes back to his breakfast. "How can he know? Dumbledore swore Snape to secrecy. Half-breed could mean anything, it could be because you're half blood…"

Remus took a shaky breath and forced himself to release James. "Yes…Yes I hope you're right." He frowned a little at James as he began eating again, his eyes glazed as he thought deeply about something. "James…?"

"Hmm?" James looked up at him and blinked.

"If you're planning anything to get back at Avery for what he said I'd recommend you don't."

"Why? He's a slimy shit, you know he deserves it."

Remus leaned close and looked nervously at his friend. "James, remember what happened to Mary Macdonald?"

James swallowed his mouthful slowly and turned to stare back at the Slytherin table, he drummed his fingers thoughtfully on the wooden table top before smiling in a familiar way. Remus felt his stomach sinking rapidly. "All the more reason to do something about it, Remus old pal."

"What he and his friends did was…was…well, everyone knows what he was trying to do! James, please, don't be stupid and get involved with them!"

James waved his hand airily. "Sorry, I can't forgive them for the rumours they're spreading about Sirius, even if he isn't here. Remus, I can't stand it anymore. I'm sick and tired of allowing people like that to walk all over me simply because I don't have Sirius with me anymore, it's time I showed them who's really boss of this school."

Remus shook his head slowly, he knew there would be no dissuading James from his chosen course of action and so he determined to help him avoid serious trouble instead, even if it meant detention for him or, worse, the removal of his prefect status.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I apologise if it feels like I'm dashing around and skipping whole months but I don't want to dwell too much on the Marauder's at school but I also don't want to miss out essential information. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter anyway. Thank you for reading and faving/following and most of all for reviewing. :) I write for my fans and it makes me happy when I know they're enjoying it.**

_~Always Pure~_

It happened too quickly. Remus was too slow. There was a flash of light, a cry of pain and then a sickening crack that made all the hairs stand up at the back of Remus' neck. He gasped and his legs took him automatically towards the commotion, he was in the Entrance Hall when it happened. Students were just leaving the Great Hall after dinner and it was full, he pushed his way through the crowds, ignoring their indignant cries before flying up the Marble Staircase. When he reached the top he found himself at the front of a crowd of gawping students, he found himself staring at a scene of devastation. Three people stood before James Potter who was clutching his wrist, his robes spattered with blood and he wore a snarl of anger. "James!" Remus gasped and ran forward, he paused before his friend but before he could speak another word he felt searing heat shoot past his head and a nearby painting exploded making the occupants scream in outraged terror. Next time he was ready, with lightening fast reflexes he had drawn his wand and created a wordless shield and the next spell went shooting away in another direction, he turned and glared furiously at his attackers. Avery stood at their fore with Mulciber stood just behind him, both were grinning insanely. Stood just a little apart from them was Severus Snape who appeared to not have drawn his wand, Remus lifted his own threateningly. "What the hell are you doing?!" He shouted angrily. "Using magic in the school hallways is against the rules! You could kill someone you idiots! I'll put you in detention!"

"It wasn't us who started it, Lupin." Severus said softly, his eyes sparkling behind his greasy hair. "Your friend tried to attack us."

Remus spun around to stare at James who lifted his pale, blood stained face in defiance. "It was a prank, Remus. I was going to turn their robes pink and before I knew it they had hit me with some kind of spell I don't recognise, it nearly broke my fucking arm!"

"I told you not to do anything stupid." Remus whispered under his breath as he turned back to the Slytherin gang. Before he could speak another voice made all the onlookers turn back towards the stair case.

"What on earth is going on here?" Lily Evans pushed her way through the crowd until she reached the front, her eyes widened in horror as she surveyed the damage. "Who started this? The teachers are on their way."

"They did!" James snarled furiously, he was as white as a sheet and seemed to be swaying on his feet. "They got me with some kind of spell that my shield didn't even deflect! They're bloody psychos!"

Lily spared the Slytherin's a cool glance before turning back to James, she walked over to him and took hold of his wounded arm. "It looks like your wrist has been broken, it's not too bad but we'd best get you to Madam Pomfrey to be on the safe side." James' pale face flushed pink and he stumbled a little but Lily easily slipped an arm around his waist and began guiding him back through the crowd.

"Oi, where do you think you're going, Potter? We're not finished here!" Mulciber shouted and James turned and smirked at him over Lily's shoulder.

"Too right we're not finished, you filthy snake. We'll settle this later…this time I'll show you what I can really do-OW!" He jumped and turned to find his face inches from a very angry Lily Evans, his cheeks turned the colour of strawberries and he grinned guiltily.

"I really don't think you're in any fit state to be making threats, Potter. Nor do I think it's a good idea to continue to duel on School property." She said stuffily and James sighed, he rested a little more weight on her shoulder and groaned dramatically.

"I don't know what I'm saying, Evans!" He said. "I think they addled my brain…I…I think I might be dying…Only your kiss can save me…" He leaned closer to her and puckered his lips with his eyes closed. He felt Lily's breath on his face and tried not to grin in triumph, instead of the plump lips he had thought would meet his, he felt a cool palm cover his face. Lily ducked out from beneath his arm and he stumbled, almost falling forward down the stair case.

Lily giggled and took three steps away so James couldn't grab her again, her smile was bright and mischievous. "If you're well enough to joke, you're well enough to walk on your own." She said. "You'll have to do a lot better than that, Potter." James felt his mouth fall open in shock as Lily gave him a saucy wink before turning and walking away.

Remus ran to his friend's side and grabbed him, preventing him from toppling over. James turned to him with misty eyes and a soppy grin on his face. "I'm in love." He breathed. "Merlin…did you _see_ her? She…she _winked_…was she…was she _flirting_ with me?"

Remus smiled. "I think she may have been." He said as he guided his friend down the stairs, he was limping a little and swaying worse than ever but he didn't seem too bothered.

"Her hair…her eyes…she could inspire poets and painters all over the world." James sighed and rested his head against Remus' shoulder. "D'you reckon she'll go out with me?"

"Give it a little more time and she may be persuaded…James? Prongs?" Remus turned to find that James' weight had suddenly increased, his body was floppy and his head lolled against his shoulder. "Oh…Oh dear…" He said and somehow managed to shift James' unconscious form into a more comfortable position. He sighed and frowned in irritation. "You really need to lose some weight…you weigh a bloody tonne!" He said before slowly moving forward towards the Hospital Wing.

_~Toujours Pur~_

"You're very fast, cousin." Bella said softly, she was a little breathless from their latest bout of nightly sparring but Sirius himself was utterly drained. He sat slumped against the wall with his arms dangling over his knees and his head bowed, his chest heaved as he panted. "Don't worry, the exhaustion will soon pass as you become used to the spells. This kind of magic takes time to become accustomed to, but when you are it is a most indescribably feeling." She smiled down at him for a moment, her eyes sparkling in the dimly lit room. They had been duelling in an underground hall, specifically designed to hold such events. The torches on the walls flickered as Sirius managed to drag himself to his feet, his hair clung to his forehead with sweat and he divested himself of his t-shirt to reveal a chest covered in bruises from the battering he had been taking. He smiled a little and licked at his dry lips.

"We done?" He asked as he moved over to a low basin that was always full of water, he reached into it and splashed water over his head and face with a deep, satisfied sigh.

"For today. Tomorrow I think we will begin learning something slightly more difficult, of course, we won't try the really hard stuff until you're ready."

Sirius turned and gave his cousin a long, searching look. "The Unforgivable Curses?" He asked slowly, a small, unsure frown marring his forehead.

Bella laughed. "Eventually, cousin. Why? Were you thinking we would stop at the small stuff? You're not a child anymore, Sirius, it's time you started acting like it."

"But…you get sent to Azkaban for using them."

"Indeed, but only if you're caught. Come on, I'm sure the elf has prepared dinner for us also Rudolphus should be back soon."

Sirius followed her up the stairs, still wearing that thoughtful, unsure frown. He wasn't entirely certain he wanted to learn the Unforgiveable Curses, they seemed like one step too far as far as he was concerned. He had no intention of actually ever using the stuff he was learning on another human being…well, he thought, except Malfoy…and maybe Mulciber and Avery and maybe Snape. He smirked to himself as they reached the door that led into the main house, Bella opened it and moved into the hall way and Sirius followed.

Bella's husband returned and they both retreated into the living room, shutting the door behind them so Sirius was left alone. He wondered what was so important that they leave him out of their discussion but decided that actually he really didn't want to know, instead he went out into the garden and sat on the low stone wall with his legs kicking up clods of dirt and grass. He gazed up at the sky and watched the stars flicker in and out, the moon was nearing its full and as he gazed at the round, fat silver orb he thought back to what he had done to Remus. Guilt filled his heart and he sighed heavily, he wished with all his might that he could take it all back. He wanted to go back to Hogwarts, he wanted to go back to what he had had before he had decided to make the worst mistake of his life. His fingers dug into the softening mortar of the bricks and he blew his fringe from his eyes, he shivered a little as the air chilled his skin.

"Sirius?"

Sirius turned to see Bellatrix watching him with her usual sly smile, she lifted her hand and beckoned to him from where she stood in the doorway. He stood and moved forward. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Come with us." She said and he suddenly noticed that she had changed her clothes, she had been wearing emerald green and now she wore black. His eyes moved to her hand where a silver mask glittered and her smirk widened. "I want you to meet some friends of mine." Her husband stood behind her, arms folded across his chest as he awaited his wife.

"Who?" Sirius asked in confusion and Bella's fingers closed over his wrist.

"You'll see." She cackled and Sirius felt himself dragged helplessly into a tight tube made of utter darkness.

_~Always Pure~_

Remus walked slowly back to the common room after ensuring James was safely ensconced in a bed in the Hospital Wing. As he walked he passed the Teacher's Lounge and heard a familiar name, he froze, unable to resist the urge to eavesdrop.

"Dumbledore, are you certain that you heard correctly?" McGonagall's worried voice reached Remus' eager ears.

"Of course, Minerva…I am not mistaken." Dumbledore sighed heavily, it was a world weary sound that made hairs prickle on Remus' neck. "Sirius has indeed been spotted integrating with Death Eaters and not simply because they are related to him either. I am afraid for him, if the Ministry discover this they could have him arrested. Times are bleak, we are fighting a rapidly losing battle and cannot afford to allow potential Death Eaters escape…"

"Do you think that Black knew where he was? He could have been tricked or…or dragged there against his will."

Dumbledore was silent for a long time and Remus bit down on his bottom lip in worry. "I think that for now he has not completely corrupted himself, but how long he will remain innocent I cannot say for certain."

"This is grave news." McGonagall replied sadly. "I truly liked the boy, he was bright and an asset to our house…It was a sad loss."

"Hmm." Dumbledore hummed thoughtfully. "Minerva?"

"Yes, Headmaster?"

"What would you say if I suggested that our side do a little…early recruitment ourselves?"

"What do you have in mind, Albus?"

"Sirius' friends: James and Remus."

McGonagall was silent for a long time, she seemed to be choosing her words carefully. "They are far too young." She said finally.

"They are seventeen now, they are legally adults. Don't worry, I won't allow them to join us before they finish their schooling but I will put the idea to them so that they have plenty of time to consider what they will choose. They shall be made fully aware of the sacrifices needed and about the dangers, do not fear."

"In that case then they would be excellent choices. Potter is a little rebellious but his heart is good and pure, he has truly grown up since he first began his schooling and I would easily recommend him for any position of responsibility, his loyalties are obvious. As for Lupin, well, he is already prefect and although he has shown an inability to reprimand his friends he is responsible in every other aspect. He is sensible and keeps his head in a disaster, he is also very studious and thinks things through carefully…unlike Potter and Black." She sighed softly at the thought of Sirius.

"Yes, you echo my thoughts exactly. I shall propose it to them when poor James is fully healed."

Remus forced himself to move away from the door before he was caught, he chewed his lip thoughtfully as he let his feet take him back to the common room. As he walked he was so immersed in his own thoughts that he never saw the people stood in an empty class room doorway, he was unable to fight back when a hot hand closed over his mouth and he was yanked roughly backwards into the dark class room.

He struggled but something hard hit him in the stomach, all the breath rushed out of his lungs and a scolding whisper brushed his ear lobe; "Move and I'll castrate you, filthy mutt."


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: To 'Guest Reviewer': In answer to your statement about Remus being 'weak', all I can say is that ultimately he is human and human being's will be taken off guard. Remus is at school therefore he doesn't feel the need to be on his guard all the time, he feels safe there. Also, as a human being he WILL make mistakes, people do. I refuse to write characters that have no weaknesses as it's not realistic. Remus is not weak, he is human. I really wish you had signed in to leave the review as it is much better to discuss this kind of thing through PM's. I have no problems explaining my thinking to anyone but it must be very annoying for those who wish to simply read the story to see AN's like this at the top of every chapter. I'm sorry that you seem to feel that Remus is weak but in the Books Remus is a thirty-something year old man with years of battle experience behind him, in this he is a seventeen year old boy with no true understanding of war or much life experience. Thank you for reviewing. To everyone else, please enjoy this next chapter.**

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius fell backwards into a nearby tree, he slipped down it and fell to his knees. He was gasping for breath and sweat ran down his face in rivulets, above him the setting sun beat down on top of his head and threatened to make him black out. Bella was stood in the shade tapping her wand impatiently against her palm with an irritated frown on her forehead. "I know you can do better." She snapped.

"I…I c-can't…" Sirius panted, his head bowed and his fingers digging deep into the leafy mulch beneath him. "It's…t-too…hard…"

"It's only hard because you're not used to it." Bella sighed heavily. "Get up, let's try again."

Sirius struggled reluctantly to his feet, he looked up at his cousin and lifted his wand. His arm felt heavy, his limbs shaking violently from the strain of his training and he gritted his teeth as the world drifted in and out of focus. He stared down at the little terrified fox, it was trapped in a cage so it couldn't run and gazed at Sirius through eyes that showed too much of the whites.

"Remember, you must _mean_ it! You have to _want_ to cause pain, you have to concentrate on that desire and put it into the words. Now go."

Sirius swallowed and resisted the urge to throw up, his mouth twisted in self disgust and his wand fell back to his side. "I…I can't. I won't…"

Bella cursed under her breath and casually flicked her wand at the fox, it screamed as a jet of searing red light his it. "Revel in it, Sirius! I know you have it in you somewhere. Enjoy the suffering! You're the one with the power." She flicked her wrist and the spell ended, leaving the poor, wounded creature lying on its side and twitching violently. Sirius stared at it numbly, he could feel a great urge to open the cage and let the animal go. He despised watching it suffer. "If you can't even hurt an animal, how are you ever going to learn to use it on a human being?" Bella sneered. "I never took you for a coward."

Sirius' wand shot upwards, it was pointed directly into his cousin's face and he growled deep in his throat. "Don't you dare call me a coward, Bella!" He hissed.

Bella smiled. "That's it. That's the anger I need you to use! I'm sure your parents would love to see you sitting here and crying over a stupid, weak little animal…" She paused and cocked her head to one side. "I think you have rather a lot in common in that way. Poor little Sirius, too pathetic to even practise a spell on a mere animal. You're parents were right, weren't they? You're little more than a Squib if you can't even perform such a small task. I honestly don't know why I am wasting my time."

"Shut. Up." Sirius growled, his eyes narrowed as fury pounded through his head. His body shook as he tried to suppress it.

"I should have tried Regulus, he's obviously the more talented one." She smirked behind her hand, hiding her satisfaction from her cousin. "He's got far more guts than you. Maybe your friends would like to see what a coward you've turned into? I wonder what they would say if they saw you no-" Something inside Sirius snapped, it was so violent it was almost audible. Bellatrix was thrown backwards and into a tree trunk, she let out a sudden scream that echoed through the small woodland they were in and startled birds from their roosts. Sirius looked utterly deranged, his teeth were bared in a vicious snarl, his hair was a tangled mane that fell into eyes sparkling with all consuming fury. It took a moment for him to regain his control and when his wand fell to his side he felt his knees go weak and he collapsed, his wand fell from limp fingers and he bowed his head. Slowly Bella recovered and climbed unsteadily to her feet, to Sirius' surprise she was laughing. "That's excellent, Sirius!" She gasped, her eyes sparkling with insane joy. "I knew you could do it!" She stumbled a little but recovered before she stowed her own wand away. "Let's go back in and have some tea." She said shakily, still grinning like a maniac.

"I-I'll…be in in a minute." Sirius muttered, his eyes avoiding his cousin's. Bella smiled and moved towards him, she put a hand on his head, smoothing his hair back from his face.

"You're doing so well, Aunty Walburga would be proud if she could see you now." She whispered softly before drawing away and moving off. Sirius watched her leave before climbing unsteadily to his feet and walking over to the cage, he opened it with numb fingers and reached in to withdraw the fox. It lay limply in his arms, shivering as if it was cold. Gently he stroked it's fur and felt it's racing heart, he knew it had gone into shock. He picked up his wand and whispered a healing spell and watched it's ear perk up, it lifted its head and their eyes met. After a moment the fox leapt out of his arms and ran off into the small woodland, Sirius watched it until its white-tipped tail had disappeared from sight. He stood with a heavy sigh and turned back to the Lestrange's cottage.

_~Always Pure~_

Remus struggled but he was trapped by strong arms, someone dipped their hand into his pocket and withdrew his wand. "Damn it! Keep still! Avery, I can't…bloody…hold him…"

"Stop being pathetic, Mulciber." Avery hissed as he stepped out into the light. "Welcome, Lupin. It's nice of you drop by."

Remus glared at the other boy furiously, he was unable to speak as Mulciber had his hand planted firmly over his mouth. It would have been so easy to bite that hand but he refrained, no matter what they did to him he would never risk inflicting them with Lycanthropy. He settled for angry looks instead but still felt impotent.

"Now then, I'm sure you're wondering why we invited you here today." Avery said with a sly smirk as he tapped Remus' wand against his palm. "Well, let me tell you. Your friend Potter has been harassing us for too long, we decided it was high time we put him firmly back in his place before his head gets too big for his shoulders. Unfortunately our tactic of attacking him directly didn't seem to have any effect what so ever, we were told by a secret source that his real weakness lies in his friends. We would have been happy to take Black but unfortunately he is off limits and under the protection of some very powerful people. That leaves you who does not share this immunity, no one will care what happens to you except Potter and that's what we want. I would apologise for this, if I wasn't going to enjoy it immensely." He laughed and raised his wand, Remus' eyes widened as a flash of bright light seared his vision. Mulciber squawked indignantly as blood spattered his cheek and Remus went stiff in his arms.

"You did the spell wrong." A voice muttered from the shadows, Remus opened his eyes which he had squeezed shut and saw Snape standing by the door with his arms folded across his chest. "I explained how to use it."

"I've only just learnt it, give me a break will you?" Avery snapped in reply.

"I knew I shouldn't have left this to you, you're worse than useless." Snape stood straight and sighed. "You do realise, of course, that this act will result in expulsion from school?"

"Of course we're aware of that! We won't get caught, when Potter realises what's happened he won't tell any teachers because he'll be more intent on revenge."

"Yes, but it's not just Potter we will have to deal with, is it? You know the rumours as well as I do. What will you do when Black finds out what you've done to his precious boyfriend?"

Avery paused for a split second, his wand wavering a little before he brushed off his momentary doubt. "He won't be able to do anything to me."

"Who's going to stop him? You're idiots, the lot of you! Black isn't alone in this mess, he's got powerful family. Do you really think that his cousins will intervene simply because your father is high up in their ranks? They'll sit back and watch as Black destroys you. They'll laugh as he does it. You know Bellatrix as well as I do and she doesn't care what becomes of anyone but the Dark Lord. Since she's taken an active interest in Black so has He! You're signing your own death warrant and don't even see it. Fool."

Remus listened to this sluggishly, his cheek burned white fire from the badly performed spell he had been hit with and he could feel his blood dribbling slowly down his cheek. Mulciber stood behind him, still holding him upright but spitting on the floor. "I think I got some in my mouth!" He gasped but was ignored by his companions. He listened intently to the discussion and felt the first stirrings of fear travel to his brain, if what they were saying was true it confirmed Dumbledore's suspicions and Sirius was becoming involved in something very dangerous.

Avery turned to Remus and gazed thoughtfully at him for a long, intense moment. "We could always kill him and make it look like an accident." He said softly, but Remus could hear the note of longing in his voice and almost recoiled in horror.

Snape made a noise of disgust. "You have gone from idiotic to extreme stupidity in mere seconds! Do you really believe that you are more intelligent than Dumbledore?! He would work out what you did in ten seconds flat. Remember; we're unqualified wizards with no real world experience! Look at yourself, you're treating this like a game. We're in the middle of school with no knowledge on how to hide the effects of the curses you are intending to use. I instructed you on my curse purely because you begged me to and it was the only way they would be unable to discover who had done it, no one else knows about its existence except us. However, you failed and now we have no choice but to release him."

Avery spun around and glared furiously at Snape who remained cool and undaunted. "If you know so much _you_ do it!" He hissed.

Snape looked at Remus and shook his head. "I have no reason to." He said softly. "Why would I do something that could jeopardise my own well being? Unlike you I'm not so desperate to leave school with no qualifications. If you want to kill him, fine. Just don't involve me." He turned and strode away, throwing open the door and leaving the room in a sweep of black robes.

Avery slammed the door shut in fury before spinning around giving Remus a furious glare. "We have a little over a year left of school." He said softly, walking over to him and pulling his head backwards by a hank of his hair. "When we leave you'd do well to watch your step, Lupin…you and your stupid friends." He released Remus and glanced at Mulciber. "Let's go, fun's over."

Remus was dropped to the floor as the two Slytherin's left him there, he slowly climbed to his feet and let out a breath. He had come so close to being murdered it hardly even felt real, he shook his aching head before moving stiffly towards the door. As he began making his way back to the common room he realised that in a strange, roundabout way, Snape had just saved his life.

_~Always Pure~_

Summer made it's presence known by flooding the little garden with bright flowers, Sirius sat on an ancient bench and watched the bee's drift lazily from flower to flower and the shadows of great fluffy clouds flow over his face. He sighed softly and took a deep breath of the fresh air. Somewhere, miles and miles away, James and Remus would be chugging steadily home on the bright red Hogwarts Express. They would probably be eating cakes, laughing at jokes and enjoying themselves in the hot train compartment. Sirius closed his eyes, he was tired but he had been improving steadily throughout the past months. Bellatrix was a slave driver but she acknowledged how much he had improved in such a short period of time, she seemed impressed and showed it by smiling a lot more often. She had taken him to several meetings of Witches and Wizards in black, he had yet to be told why he was being slowly introduced to Death Eaters but he knew deep down what his cousin wanted from him. She had taken to hinting heavily that she thought him nearly ready to actually meet the Dark Lord himself, Sirius never replied to them. He had no idea what he wanted any more, he was lost on a sea of new magic, being treated with respect and learning things he had never dreamed of before. He wanted to know more, he wanted to see just how far he could push himself but then he was also hesitant. He didn't think he could actually don the mask worn by all Death Eaters, he didn't know if he could bare the look of disappointment on James' face or the betrayal of all they had once stood for. He sighed and leaned back on the bench with his eyes shut tightly, he felt the heat of the sun on his face and let it relax him. Softly he hummed a small tune under his breath before sighing and opening his eyes again. His mind was unsettled, he knew that very soon he would be forced to make a decision and he had no idea where his loyalties lay anymore. He had never been more confused in his life, even when he had been struggling with his sexual identity.

He sat there for an hour in silent contemplation of his situation before suddenly he heard his name called, he looked up and spotted several people coming down the path. His heart leapt into his throat as he stood and dipped a hand into his pocket to touch the reassuring warmth of his wand.

"Sirius, dear, I want you to come into the living room and greet my guests. They've been absolutely dying to meet you." Bella cried as she walked towards him, she seemed almost to be bouncing on her feet and was exuding an air of barely suppressed excitement. As she reached his side she slipped her arm through his and pulled him inexorably towards the cottage, he had no choice but to follow and he resisted the urge to look back over his shoulder at the others filing silently behind her. "Be nice to him, Siri, he's come such a long way to see you for himself. When you meet him, remember to kneel."

Sirius' feet faltered. "Kn-_Kneel_?" He whispered hoarsely.

"Oh yes, he expects obeisance from all his followers and if you don't wish to incur his wrath then you will have to kneel before him. Don't worry, dear, he understands that you're not quite ready to join us yet, you still have training to do. He only wants to see you and I'm sure he won't stay long. Just stay quiet unless spoken to directly and keep your head bowed, he doesn't like it when people stare."

Sirius was guided firmly towards the living room and as he went he felt a battle raging inside him; curiosity warred violently with terror until he felt sure he would simply collapse. It took a huge amount of effort and sheer will power to remain upright and dignified; he had no choice but to do as he was told even if it made him sick to his stomach.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Now, a little bit of a time skip in this chapter. I apologise for that but I wanted to get to the meat of the story so to speak, now we will really be in business. I hope you enjoy and I love all my readers. :) Thank you.**

_~Toujours Pur~_

The rain froze his skin as he ran down the empty street, he almost slipped up in a puddle but managed to catch himself by grabbing a lamppost. He took a second to re-fill his lungs with air and glance back over his shoulder before breaking into a sprint once again. Somewhere high above him lightening shattered the sky, shortly followed by a deep rumble of thunder. A single car drove steadily past, it's wipers on full as the driver attempted to see through the deluge. Remus spotted the opening of an alley way and dived down it, hoping he could lose his pursuers. By the time he spotted the robed figure standing ahead of him it was too late, he slipped to a halt and sent a wordless spell flying towards the masked figure. The figure seemed to bat it aside with his own wand, Remus took the brief second between his opponents defence and attack, he blasted the figure off his feet so he landed with a splash into a huge puddle. Remus approached him warily, his wand drawn and pointing directly at his face, the man's mask had slipped and the hood of his cloak had fallen from his head. Remus bent down and tore the mask from his face. What he saw stopped him in his tracks, his eyes widened and he almost took a step back.

Sirius looked up at Remus through bedraggled hair, it fell into his eyes and he slowly lifted himself up onto his elbows. "Remus?" He muttered in surprise.

"S-Sirius…" Remus replied, his wand shaking in his numb hand. The water seeped through his patched cloak and soaked his skin, he was chilled to the bone but he didn't feel it as he stared down at the man laying in a puddle at his feet. His eyes slid to the mask that now lay on the ground, he watched as rain poured across its surface and swallowed a large lump that had grown in his throat.

"It's been two years." Sirius breathed, his voice so soft it was barely audible under the sound of the rain.

"A little less than that, actually." Remus replied automatically before flushing as he realised how it made him sound. "Not…not that I've been counting." He rectified and saw the ghost of a smile flit across Sirius' mouth. He forced away the intense wave of confused feelings the sight gave him, somehow he steadied his wand and forced his face into a frown. "What are you doing here?" He asked firmly, giving Sirius no chance to avoid the subject.

Sirius' face darkened as he eyed Remus' wand warily. "You know damn well what I'm doing here. I shouldn't need to state the obvious." He lifted a hand out of the water and waved it vaguely in the direction of his mask.

Remus rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I mean what were your orders? How come you ended up here of all places? How did you know?"

"You really think that the Dark Lord would entrust that kind of information to me? Merlin! I'm barely even worth acknowledging at meetings yet, let alone allowed to listen in on the big plans. I'm here because this is where I was told to be." Sirius scoffed impatiently. "Can I get up now? I'm wet enough as it is."

"No!" Remus snapped, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. He watched as Sirius realised the situation and his face twisted in grief, his eyes seemed to go dull as more lightening tore the sky asunder above their heads.

"I shouldn't have expected anything different." Sirius muttered and sighed. "What do you intend to do with me now?" Sirius' voice wavered as he considered the many possibilities to his question.

"I…" Remus faltered, he bit down on his bottom lip and closed his eyes. "I have to take you in." He replied finally, he opened his eyes again to see Sirius nodding slowly.

"Yeah, I understand." He said and smiled wearily. "I'm…I'm glad it's you who found me, you know."

Remus opened his mouth to give voice to some reply but before he could speak there was a loud, course shout from somewhere down the street. "Shit!" He swore and began searching the area for some means of escape, Sirius watched him with dead eyes for a moment before climbing to his feet. "Stay down!" Remus hissed but Sirius ignored him as he went to a large, solid metal door built into the wall of the alley.

"Follow me." He said and tapped the door firmly with his wand, it opened to reveal a dark interior. Sirius paused and looked back at Remus over his shoulder, he lifted an eyebrow questioningly. "Or do you want to die that badly?"

Remus bit his lip in indecision before cursing himself for being an idiot and following Sirius inside the building. Sirius shut the door behind them and sealed it with magic before taking Remus firmly by the wrist and dragging him up a set of rickety metal stairs, they went forward in silence and Remus had plenty of time to dwell on the touch of Sirius' frozen fingers. It was like coming home, he felt warmth explode in his chest like a brilliant firework and had to force his face into a neutral expression. Sirius had changed since he had last seen him at school, his shoulders were wider, his face had matured and now Remus could clearly see the lines formed by his cheek bones and the firm, enticing cut of his jaw. His hair had grown a little longer and now brushed his shoulders, he had also grown much taller in their time apart. The only part of him that still vaguely resembled the Sirius he had come to love at school was the soft, almost absent smile that had graced his handsome face moments before. In that expression Remus had seen years of devoted love and deep, unfettered affection. It had made him feel queasy, it was as if he had been ripped into two parts. He wanted to take the hand that now gripped his wrist and wrap his own fingers around it. He wanted to stop Sirius' determined ascent upwards and pull him close, he wanted to once again feel his fingers in those jet black locks. The feelings were so intense it made him a little breathless. He had thought that he had long ago given up his desire for Sirius, he had pushed it all under a heavy mental rug and forgotten about it but now it returned to haunt him.

Sirius led him upwards until they reached an empty, dilapidated room on the opposite side of the building. Here Sirius finally came to a halt and reluctantly released Remus' wrist, he didn't turn to face him, instead standing perfectly still with his back to Remus. "There's a fire exit through that door, follow it back down and you should find yourself a street over." He whispered softly.

Remus froze, unsure what to do. He shouldn't trust Sirius, not now. Not after he had so obviously declared his allegiance to the Dark. He shouldn't allow himself to walk blindly into what could be a trap but what choice did he have? Slowly he took a step towards the exit but a firm hand on his arm halted him.

"I…I need you to stun me." Sirius muttered, much too close for comfort. Remus resisted the urge to shiver as goose bumps prickled their way up his arms. "It can't look like I've let you go free…I'll be punished."

Remus heard the bite of bitterness in Sirius' voice and it was this more than anything that made him turn around, he said nothing as he lifted his wand, only met Sirius' bright silver gaze with a steely one of his own. When he sent the stunning spell towards him, he saw a tiny smile cross Sirius' face before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed forward. Remus caught him and slowly lowered him to the concrete floor before rolling him onto his back and taking a moment to look into that familiar face, he gently brushed hair from Sirius' closed eyes before standing and breaking into a fast jog towards freedom.

_~Always Pure~_

The question that plagued him most was; Why? Why had Sirius chosen the path he had? Why had he decided to lead a life of death and destruction when he had always fought tooth and nail against his family's views? Why had he chosen to walk away from his friends when he had so badly needed them at school?

James had no answer to any of those questions. He sat in silence at the large table as the Order of the Phoenix began to get up to leave. His eyes were out of focus as he contemplated Remus' news, he had told them everything that had happened and most people agreed that Sirius had obviously been ordered not to harm any of the Order, perhaps to lull them into trusting him so that he could worm his way back into their fold. James, along with Remus, Dumbledore and even Lily all agreed that Sirius had been acting against his orders. James insisted that by allowing Remus to escape Sirius was placing himself in grave danger, he had tried to convince Dumbledore that they should go and rescue him as they were obviously holding him against his will. Remus however insisted that Sirius had not seemed under the influence of the Imperious Curse, he had seen it himself. Lily had refrained from speaking, her hand resting gently on James' and their fingers entwining as the meeting went on.

Finally, when only a few people remained Remus settled down beside James and put a consoling hand on his shoulder. "Look, James, I really don't think that Sirius was under any curse or potion…we have to accept that he is doing this off his own back."

James looked up, revealing the depths of his pain in his eyes. "But you know what will happen if they ever catch him! If he's doing this because he wants to then he'll be sent to Azkaban…unless…"

"Unless he fights." Remus agreed and grimaced sympathetically. "In which case as you know we all have orders to use equal force."

"There are not many here who would take it easy on him." James muttered.

"And he won't go down without a fight." Remus said and sighed heavily. "They'll kill him." He said finally and James winced.

"If only there was a way we could be sure…" James let his head fall onto his girlfriends shoulder and Lily responded by placing a soothing hand on the back of his head and kissing the top of his messy hair.

"James, I know it's difficult but try not to think about it. What happens will happen, we can't change anything now. We can only continue on down our own path."

"And hope they never cross Sirius' again." Remus whispered, his voice strained in unwanted pain.

"No. If our paths cross you know I'd never kill him." James said quietly.

"But he might kill you." Lily said softly, worry in her bright green eyes. James lifted his head and shook it.

"He wouldn't. His actions with Remus last night are proof of it; he can't bring himself to hurt us! I know that somewhere deep down the real Sirius is trying to get out…and if I see him again I will knock him out and bring him back _alive_."

"James, what if he doesn't want to come back?" Remus said, voicing his own fears.

"Then we'll lock him up until the war's over and he has nothing to fight for anymore, then we'll talk some sense into him…if that doesn't work I'll smack him one." James' face creased into a determined frown. "I don't care if the Ministry arrest me, I will never, _ever_ allow my friends to be hurt, either by themselves or by others."

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius lay on his bed gazing at a photograph he had stuck to his wall, he had one arm behind his head as he remembered the day it had been taken. Soft footsteps broke him from his depressing musings and he turned to look at the door. Bella stood in the doorway smiling, she moved into the room without invitation and sat down at Sirius' side. "You look unhappy, Cousin dear." She cooed and brushed an errant strand of hair from Sirius' face, he batted her hand away and sat up, one arm dangling casually over his knee.

"What do you want?"

"Well, I came here with a gift. I thought it would cheer you up." She withdrew a photograph of her own and handed it to Sirius who stared at it for a full minute before realising what it was. "Oh yes," Bellatrix said softly as she saw the expression on Sirius' face. "We found out that recently two of your friends were married. It was, apparently, quite a beautiful ceremony and the Mudblood looks quite ravishing."

Sirius blinked down at the picture in his hand before looking up and glaring angrily at Bella. "I thought they were _safe_! I was told they wouldn't be harmed!" He growled as anger filled his heart.

"We agreed that as long as you did as you were told that no harm would come to them, however the Dark Lord wished to give you a little reminder of what disloyalty will cost you." She chuckled at his horrified expression. "You cannot, unfortunately, be fully trusted. Even after all that I've done for you. All those months wasted as I tried and ultimately failed to bring you over to our side and make you see sense. Not that it matters anymore, the Dark Lord has you now as fully as he has any of us…you only need a little extra persuasion every now and again."

"I said I would do anything so long as my friends were protected and I stand by that promise!" Sirius said firmly.

Bella raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Oh really? In that case the Dark Lord has a mission of utmost importance for you." She leaned closer and smirked deviously. "He wants you to tail the Minister for Magic's best friend, gather as much information on her as possible. He wants to know every detail, from where she shops to when she goes to the toilet, do you understand?" Sirius nodded slowly, Bella held out a piece of parchment and he took it and crumpled it in his fist. "There's the name of the last place she was seen, find her and once you have, bring her in. We want information that only she can give us, if you fail in this task you will not only be punished but one of your treasured friends will die. Do we understand each other?"

Sirius gazed down at the parchment before nodding slowly. "I understand." He breathed and sat still as his cousin embraced him, he stiffened in her arms and stared over her shoulder, not really seeing the posters, only a familiar face twisted in hurt betrayal. "I'm sorry, Remus." He whispered under his breath as Bella pulled away.

_~Always Pure~_

Sirius sat alone at the bar of the Three Broomsticks, he sipped at his drink and allowed his mind to drift. He ran a finger absently around the lip of the glass and stared into the deep amber liquid desolately, he had his hood pulled low over his face and sat in the darkest corner he could find. He had no wish to be recognised, he was on an important mission and couldn't let himself fail…no matter how much he wanted to. It wasn't merely his life at stake, if that were so he would leave and damn the consequences. He felt satisfyingly numb as he drank, he couldn't even feel the burn of the alcohol as it slid easily down his throat. He let the chatter wash over him in a wave of friendly warmth, a warmth he no longer felt a part of.

He looked up each time the door opened and repeatedly checked his watch, he done his duty and watched the woman he was supposed to be kidnapping and she was supposed to have been in for a drink after visiting her parents who lived further down the road. He frowned at his watch and brought it up to his ear to listen to check if it was still working. Finally, as he was about to leave, the door swung open once again and this time the woman walked in. She was laughing happily at someone behind her and when the figure at her back followed her into the pub Sirius felt his insides freeze.

"Take a seat Miriam, I'll get us some drinks." James Potter said as he pulled out a chair for the woman who smiled at him and blushed.

"My my, it's so lovely to see that manners aren't dead. Such a nice young man, no wonder Dumbledore chose you to act as a guard…although for the life of me I cannot think why."

James grinned. "He did explain that you could be a target for Death Eaters and the Minister herself asked that you be put under guard, I know it's annoying but just bear with it for now."

The woman waved an airy hand. "I'm old, boy, I don't have that much to live for…why waste such essential resources on me?"

"There's a lot you could inadvertently tell them, I'm sorry but it's safer for everyone that you be guarded." James' face fell into a serious expression, Sirius felt a jolt somewhere in the region of his stomach as he saw the boy he had known evaporate from James' face, he watched in fascination as he realised that somehow he had become a man. James went to the bar and ordered their drinks before returning to the woman's side, he sat down and passed her a cocktail.

"I heard that you married that girl…Evans?" The woman asked after sipping delicately at her drink.

James grinned, his eyes lighting up behind his spectacles, the expression transformed him. Sirius felt a pang of regret and guilt and deep love for his friend as he watched him describe his wedding, as he did so he fiddled absently with the ring on his finger. Slowly Sirius sat back down, he chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to think of a way he could avoid hurting James to get to his intended target and realised with growing dread that this confrontation could not be avoided. He had to hurt James to ultimately save his life, he sighed and closed his eyes, his hand sliding into his pocket and slowly withdrawing his wand. It occurred to him suddenly that this had probably been the Dark Lord's intention all along, it was a test to see if he would be true to his word. He gritted his teeth and used his free hand to pull his hood further down his face. He sat still and patiently waited for James to leave the pub.

_~Always Pure~_

James finished his drink and waited for his charge to do the same, finally they stood up and he grabbed the old lady's handbag and cloak. She smiled as he helped her into her cloak and handed her her bag. "You've been ever so good to me, dear. I do hope you find great happiness with your wife and please, don't let this war destroy the goodness in your heart." Her smile faded and she gazed at him sadly. "So many young men and women, all dying because of some mad man who wants to rule the world. You should live, live and raise a family."

James smiled softly. "Thanks, I have every intention of doing just that. I'm too young to die."

"Sadly, you're never too young." The woman sighed before straightening her shoulders. "Ok, let's go."

James took her arm and led her out into the cool night, they began making their way towards the train station as the woman had never learnt to Apparate, she insisted that it was a fool's way to travel. She liked trains much better. As they reached a deserted section of the street James heard footsteps behind them, he listened carefully, acutely aware of the woman leaning on his arm. He frowned and slowly reached for his wand, he drew it just as a flash of light shot between their heads and hit the train masters hut. It exploded into violet flames, James spun around and pushed the old lady behind him. He lifted his wand and pointed it at a dark figure hiding in the shadows. Come out so I can see you!" He called, slowly herding the woman back onto the platform, still ensuring she was well hidden behind him. The figure didn't move, he merely stood there in silence. James frowned, it was an odd thing for a Death Eater to do, normally they would have already declared themselves and he would be embroiled in a duel for his life…but this one seemed shyer than the others he had faced.

Sirius raised his wand and sent another warning spell, it hit the platform and created a huge hole. He had no choice but to speak, he had to be able to offer James a choice. "Let the woman go." He said quietly, hoping that his voice was disguised enough. "You can live if you give her to me, we don't need to fight."

James frowned in confusion, he had never been offered his life before. "What kind of Death Eater are you?" He asked. "You know who I am I suspect, my reputation has a way of preceding me…so why would you let me go?" He frowned thoughtfully; there was something very familiar about the way the man moved.

"I don't want to hurt you! Please, give me the woman and you can go!" Sirius' voice wavered a little and he hoped that James wouldn't recognise him.

"You really should do as he says." The Ministers friend said softly. "You don't need to die for me!"

James laughed softly. "No offence but this isn't solely about you, I'm not doing this to save your life, even if I do like you. I'm risking my life to save the lives of countless others. I'm risking my life for my family to be and for a…a special friend who's strayed…" Sirius froze when James' eyes met his. "Sirius, don't bother hiding from me. I'd recognise you anywhere."

Sirius sighed and slowly lowered his hood to reveal his face, James saw the disturbing flatness in his eyes and had to prevent a shudder. What had they been making him do? What did they have on him that he would betray everything he had claimed to stand for? Unlike the other members of the Order he was convinced Sirius was either being magically manipulated or blackmailed, he insisted that there was no other way he would have joined the Dark. He was so certain in his best friend's ultimate loyalties that almost everyone considered him stupid, he didn't care. He trusted all his friends implicitly, and he knew deep in his heart that none of them would betray him.

"James…I…I'm begging you for the last time; hand her over! It's not worth losing your life over. I don't want to fight you! I…I don't want to be forced to hurt you." Sirius' voice took on a note of utter desperation but his wand was steady as he aimed it at his best friend. James smiled.

"You know you'd never beat me in a duel, Sirius. Who won that one we had back in third year?"

"Y-You did but this isn't school! This isn't some stupid play fight in which we only bruise each other! This is _real life_! Jamie, you need to do as I say."

James' face sobered and he sighed. "I'm sorry, old friend…I can't do that."

"Then we have to fight. I'm sorry, I don't have a choice!" Sirius said desperately, his face twisting in pain. He took a breath and moved into the light coming from the purple flames he had conjured. "Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Padfoot." James replied with a smile.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I hope you enjoy this next chapter, even if has been a while since my last update.  
**_~Always Pure~_

Sirius' wand moved almost faster than the eye could see, James knew how quick his friend was and was fortunately ready with his defence before the spell hit him. He threw up a hasty shield and stepped backwards, herding Miriam back a few steps. He felt the woman flinch and managed, with difficulty, to avoid looking back to see if she was unhurt. He kept his eyes firmly upon those of his best friend, Sirius was always one to take advantage the second his opponent became unwary and James refused to make the mistake of underestimating him. They had both fought each other in the past but he wasn't stupid enough to believe that Sirius hadn't learnt a lot more since their school days, he also knew Sirius would have been taught some Dark spells. James wasn't entirely certain if Sirius would actually use his Dark knowledge on his former friend but he would have liked to believe not, he was plagued by Remus' stern voice each time he tried to tell himself that Sirius would never risk damaging him that badly.

_You can't trust anyone James! Not even me! Just because we were friends once, doesn't mean Sirius hasn't changed. Dark Magic is not without its effects, he was unstable before all this, just imagine what the corruption of the magic would have done to him since…_

He swore mentally and pushed the voice of reason from his head, he had to be able to trust his knowledge of his friend. He had to be able to trust that he knew Sirius better than Sirius knew himself, or he may as well lose all hope in ever winning this war. If he couldn't trust his friends, he could trust no one and from there he knew he may as well become like Voldemort himself; loveless and alone. "Come on Sirius, I know you're taking it easy on me!" He called, attempting to rile his friend up enough to bring his old self back. Sirius replied with a sudden volley of curses, James was forced to deflect them and one very nearly got past his rapid defence. "I know you can do better than this!"

Sirius was forced backwards under a sudden barrage of bright light, he gasped and almost stumbled but somehow managed to stop himself from falling over. "Bastard!" He growled and forced away the sudden, random urge to grin. There was a loud crack as he fired a spell at the sign for Hogsmeade Station, it fell towards James who, with impressive dexterity, grabbed Miriam and pulled her out of the way just in time. Sirius internally sighed in relief, he had no wish to actually kill the woman. That was not his job.

James returned to his fight without a word to Miriam who watched with mounting horror, two young boys, barely adults themselves, fighting for two completely different ideals. She lifted a hand to her face as James was driven backwards by the sheer force of Sirius' spells, she looked away, unable and unwilling to watch. Her eyes moved to a set of shadows lingering around a large bush beside the railway station, she frowned as one of them moved out of sync with the plant. Her eyes widened slowly as several black robed figures appeared to materialise out of the shadows and move slowly towards the fight. She almost screamed a warning to James Potter but something stopped her, she realised that they weren't after him. Slowly she backed away, her hand going to her wand. She lifted it but paused before firing a spell. She turned to take one last look at her guard, remembering how nice he had been to her and smiled sadly. She wouldn't put him in anymore danger than he already was, by protecting her he was distracted and would never be able to win a duel with his mind only half on the task. On the other hand she couldn't allow herself to be captured as she would probably end up spilling her guts to the Dark and tell them all the secrets of the weaknesses of the Ministry…she made her decision.

A train was approaching, James heard it and saw the light moving towards them. When he returned his concentration back to his opponent he was surprised to see Sirius' eyes wide in his pale face, his lips parted and he made to run forward.

"No!" He cried and James turned, following Sirius' gaze.

Hot blood spattered his face, his mouth fell open in shock and his wand hung limply at his side. The train screeched to a halt, it's breaks screaming like a tortured banshee. Silence fell, smoke drifted from the rail tracks bringing with it an acrid, burning smell. James opened and closed his mouth a few times before a figure ran past him and stopped at the edge of the platform. He blinked slowly feeling like he was dreaming, his mind was still trying to process what had happened.

Sirius stumbled backwards, tripping on the hem of his cloak and falling to his backside with a strangled 'oomf'. He stared at the mess in horrified fascination, he had seen corpses before, it was all a part of being a Death Eater, but he had never seen anything quite like this. His eyes found the remnants of the old lady's hat, he could still see the once brightly coloured flowers fluttering in the breeze. His stomach twisted and he had to swallow repeatedly to keep down his dinner as it tried to come back up. He realised that he much preferred death by Avada Kedavra, it seemed a lot less messy.

"Oh." Sirius turned to find James standing behind him, his face white and spattered with little spots of crimson. His hands shook and he had a limp grip on his wand. His breathing was a little shaky and his mouth twisted in horror. "M-Merlin…" He whispered hoarsely and took a few steps backwards.

Slowly Sirius climbed to his feet, he turned his eyes away from the scene and saw what had scared the old woman into jumping to her death. He ignored the train driver's shouts and the confused chatter of his passengers as they disembarked, he ignored the confused horror of the scene as people began to scream and gasp all around him. He turned back to James who was staring, seemingly unable to look away, at the bloody train front. His head snapped back to the Death Eaters standing calmly by the bushes, hidden in the shadows so that no one had yet noticed them. He swallowed and without another thought ran back to his friend. He grabbed him, shaking him violently until James blinked rapidly and looked at him. "Run!" He gasped and gave him a hard push in the chest.

James stood where he was, unable to do anything more than stare vacantly at Sirius as he shouted at him. Sirius turned to where several of his comrades were now moving towards him and bit down hard on his bottom lip. "Fuck." He whispered and without another thought grabbed James' arm in a vice-like grip, he lifted his wand and spun on the spot. The last thing he heard as he dragged both himself and James into the tight, suffocating vacuum of Apparition was his cousin screaming obscenities and threats at him.

The pair of them stumbled as their feet touched solid ground; Sirius was dragged on top of James as he fell onto soft grass. He gasped in a lungful of sweet, fresh air and rolled off of him. He gazed up at the star spattered sky and closed his eyes briefly, terror swept through him and made his insides squirm uncomfortably, he grimaced and slowly forced himself upright. He turned to find James sitting with his face buried in his hands, he lifted one of his own and made to touch his shoulder but withdrew when James flinched away. "I…I'm sorry…" He found himself whispering.

James lowered his hands and looked warily at Sirius. "D-Did…did you…?" He croaked, terrified of the answer to his unformed question.

Sirius frowned irritably at him. "Of course not! Why would I kill someone who was supposed to be taken in for questioning?!" He snapped. "I'm not stupid enough to deliberately risk torture for some random woman I don't even know."

"But you risked it for me." James said quietly, he tried to still his shaking hands but was unable to. The incident continued to flash through his mind, no matter how he tried to force his memory elsewhere it always seemed to return to the red liquid dripping steadily from the front of the train.

Sirius stood up and absently swept dirt from his robes, he couldn't bring himself to look at James' face. "I've risked more than torture, Jamie." He muttered and turned his back.

"Sirius, don't tell me you're thinking of returning?!" James said as his numb shock slowly began to wear off. "You can't! That would suicide!"

"I have nowhere else to go, James." Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. "I have to go back and face whatever punishment they have for me…I…I let the woman die and the Dark Lord is not going to forgive that."

"What have they got on you? Why are you doing this? Come with me, come with me and let us protect you! Dumbledore will be able to help you."

Sirius laughed caustically and turned to face his old friend, his eyes glittered behind his fringe like diamonds. "Yeah, I'll just go back and everyone will forgive me!" He hissed sarcastically. "Did you lose your brains back there? If I go back with you the Ministry will have me arrested, I'll be taken straight to Azkaban! There isn't any chance of reprieve, not for people like me. My name alone is enough to lock me away forever, let alone all the things I've done! 'Acting on orders' is not an excuse the Ministry will accept. I promise you James Potter, I will die before I ever see the inside of Azkaban!"

James seemed taken aback by the ferocity with which Sirius spoke, his face was twisted in a vicious snarl and his hands shook in the curled fists at his sides. "Dumbledore would never let you go to prison, not if he understands why you did it! I'm sure he could help you."

"Dumbledore doesn't have the power to undo what I've been forced to do!" Sirius shouted back, his face was white, it looked ghostly in the darkness and James had to force himself not to step back. "The Dark Lord has me tightly leashed! There is no escape from this for me!"

"There's always a way out." James replied tiredly, he reached out and took Sirius by the arm. "I don't care what you've done, Sirius. Nothing will ever change the fact that I trust you with my life. Just tell me why you're doing it and we can work it out together." He pulled his friend into a tight embrace, he held him even as he struggled to get away.

"James…Jamie, stop it!" Sirius muttered, he finally managed to yank himself free of his friend and immediately regretted the loss of contact. He stared into James' concerned eyes and sighed softly, taking a step back he smiled sadly. "We're enemies, Potter. Just accept that as the truth and next time we meet in a fight, you might want to think very seriously about aiming to kill me."

"Sirius, wai-" James lunged forward to attempt to grab his friend but all he got was a handful of black cloth where Sirius' robes had torn away in his hand. He sat on his knees and stared at the little fragment of cloth and sighed heavily. "It'll take more than that for me to attempt to kill you Sirius, you idiot."

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius lay in a shuddering heap at his master's feet, his fingers twitching occasionally and his hair falling over his face like a death shroud. He watched the Dark Lord's feet move back and forth slowly before him through a haze of agony, his mouth was dry from screaming and he was unable to prevent the violent shudders that tore themselves through his abused body. His breath rasped in and out of his throat as he tried to prepare himself for the next bout but it didn't come.

"You allowed the woman to die, Black…I am most disappointed." Voldemort's cold voice hissed through the fog in Sirius' brain and made his stomach twist in fear. "For this I have punished you but I am very aware of how little you care about your own personal safety. You were warned, Black. Bellatrix assures me that she gave you the ultimatum in very clear terms. You have disobeyed my instructions; the woman was supposed to live until I myself disposed of her when she was no longer needed! How did she die, Black? Tell me this at least."

Sirius closed his eyes and forced his body to move so that he sat on his knees with his head down, he stared blankly at the floor for a few moments as he tried to prevent himself from fainting. "She…She k-killed…killed herself…M-My Lord…" He gasped finally.

Voldemort seemed to consider this and Sirius watched his shadow pause before him. "I am a merciful man, Sirius Black but remember if you push me too far you will see your friends demise…do we understand each other?"

"P-Perfectly…" Sirius whispered and lowered his head even further. "T-Thank you…M-My lord…"

"Do not assume that this is the end of your punishment, I will make sure you truly do understand my intentions. I must remind you just who holds the power in our order." He lifted his wand and Sirius gritted his teeth, his eyes snapping shut tightly. Even so, he still saw the flash of red behind his eyelids and screams still managed to wrench themselves free of his lips.

_~Always Pure~_

"What happened, James?" Remus asked as he raced across the street to his friend who looked as if he had been electrocuted. His hair stood on end, his eyes were wide behind his glasses which were cracked and his hands trembled. Blood spattered his face in a random pattern but with one sweeping glance Remus could see that he was unhurt. "Where did all this blood come from?"

James shook his head, he looked as if he was about to throw up. "I…I need to speak to Dumbledore…" He muttered and pushed past Remus who turned and followed him back to the HQ building.

Once inside James was accosted by Lily who grabbed him and pulled him down into an almost brutal kiss, he gently pushed her away with an exhausted smile before lifting his eyes and spotting Dumbledore standing in the hallway. "Albus, we need to talk." He said and Dumbledore nodded and indicated that he come into the dining room where meetings were usually held.

Everyone around the table listened in silence as James recounted his story, Remus went pale at the mention of Sirius and everyone gasped when James described how Miriam had died. Finally he fell silent after explaining how Sirius had saved his life yet refused his offer of protection. "He's probably going to get himself into serious trouble." James said finally and lifted his bowed head to meet the venerable old headmaster's eyes. "You should have seen him, Dumbledore, he looked like he was walking to his death! Isn't there anything we can do to help him?"

"Are you absolutely certain it wasn't Sirius who killed Miriam?" Dorcas Meadows said softly from where she sat at the other end of the long table, James looked up and shook his head emphatically.

"No. I know when Sirius is lying, if he said he didn't then I believe him. Also, she was a big source of important information so I'm sure Voldemort would have wanted her alive. What would Sirius gain from killing her?"

"In this I have to admit that he is probably innocent." Dumbledore agreed. "However, I regret to admit that if he doesn't want our help then we cannot force it on him. I'm sorry James, but until he decides to come to us we are helpless to stop his spiral of self destruction."

There was a sudden noise as Remus stood up, his chair scraping along the wooden floor behind him. He was pale and sick looking with the effects of the coming of the full moon, he turned away and walked out without a word. James made to stand up but Lily's hand on his stopped him, she gave him a small smile. "I'll go, you stay." She said softly and planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

**END NOTE: To ****AlaciaMarie: Remus is not seventeen in these latest chapters, it's 1978 so that would make him about eighteen. I'm sorry you feel he's being a 'little bitch' although I personally don't see it. I have made him as close to canon as possible. Here's a little excerpt from HP Wiki that describes Remus accurately based entirely upon the views of JK Rowling: '**_**True to being a Gryffindor, Lupin was quite courageous. Nonetheless, he suffered deep-seated feelings of shame and fear of rejection which, in certain situations, led him to consider backing down. His greatest weakness was that, in his desperate longing to belong and be liked, he was neither as brave or honest as he should have been at times. Remus once claimed that he was cowardly, because he was unable to bring himself to tell Dumbledore that James, Sirius and Peter were Animagi, as it would have meant that he had betrayed Dumbledore's trust, which meant everything to him. His love of James and Sirius also led him to not do anything to stop their bullying other students. Perhaps the most critical example of this was his temptation to join Harry, Ron and Hermione on Dumbledore's mission and abandon his wife and unborn son because he was afraid that her family would be ashamed of him being a werewolf.' **_**I hope that now you understand why I write him the way I do. Thank you for leaving the review but next time, if you could sign in and we could do this privately, that would be great. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Yes, somehow I managed to write another chapter! :O I surprise myself sometimes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. I wanted to convey a proper sense of fear in the characters in this one. I'm sorry for people who believe that humans shouldn't feel fear, I think that's stupid. War is NOT fun. War is horrible, it's destructive and causes nothing but fear and grief…as far as I'm concerned the Marauders and friends would not have gone through it without some emotional damage. No one comes out of a war unscathed. So, anyway, please enjoy. :)**

_~Always Pure~_

Lily found Remus standing in the living room by the window, the curtains had been drawn back to reveal the street highlighted in the brutal orange glare of the street lights. She alerted him to her presence by stepping firmly on a floorboard which creaked beneath her weight, he turned and gave her a cursory glance before returning his eyes to the view. "He'll die." He whispered softly, the words spilling from his lips and almost by passing his brain completely.

"Not necessarily." Lily replied as she reached his side and placed a hand on his arm.

"He'll never let himself get captured, he's more afraid of imprisonment than death. You don't know him like I do."

"Remus, maybe there's a chance he will come to his senses. Maybe he'll come back to us…"

"I only…I…" Remus sighed heavily and closed his eyes, he pressed his forehead against the cool glass. "I hope you're right, Lily. I really do."

Lily smiled. "Even if Sirius decides that he's not going to come home to us, remember that James will never allow him to be sent to prison. No matter what crimes he has committed, James is determined to make sure he survives and we have Dumbledore to vouch for him."

Remus looked at her steadily for a moment in silence. "While we were at school Sirius nearly got Snape killed…" He said slowly. "He told Snape where I hid during the full moon and i…I nearly killed him. If it wasn't for James I would have. I swore to myself that I would never forgive him, that I would always hold it against him but I can't. I just can't." He looked away from her piercing green eyes, giving himself time to think before sighing heavily. "I never got to tell him the truth before he was forced to leave school. I never got to explain how I really felt about him. I let anger control me and now if either of us dies he'll never know the truth."

"And…what is the truth?" Lily asked curiously, she had had an inkling as to what Remus and Sirius truly were to each other but was too respectful of Remus' privacy to ask out right.

Remus smiled at her. "It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" He said softly and walked away, leaving her to ponder his words.

_~Toujours Pur~_

"Ow!" Sirius winced as pain lanced down his arm, his brother gave him a dark glare as he tied the bandage tightly.

"Stop being a wuss." He said imperiously and earned himself a slap round the head from his brother.

"Then stop being such a fucking sadist!" Sirius snapped back.

"It's a tiny cut; it's even stopped bleeding already."

"A tiny cut?! It was caused by a curse, you idiot. It hurts like a bitch." Sirius reached for a glass of whiskey he had placed upon the coffee table, Regulus watched him down it in one with a raised eyebrow.

"I'd slow down if I were you, you don't want to be too wasted for the wedding ceremony."

"All the more bloody reason to be as drunk as humanly possible." Sirius replied and promptly poured himself another glass.

Regulus picked up the bottle and snatched the glass from his brother's fingers, earning a loud whine in response. "Stop acting like a bratty child! You're getting married whether you like it or not, suck it up and deal with it like a man!"

"Don't wanna." Sirius muttered mulishly and sank low in his seat, his chest was bare and he wore black trousers with smart, shiny shoes. His crisp white shirt was flung carelessly over the arm of the chair he was sat in. His breath stank of alcohol and Regulus could see the bandage he had wrapped securely over his left forearm turning slowly crimson.

"I don't understand what you did to earn that mark." Regulus said softly, the jealousy in his voice obvious.

Sirius looked from the bandage to him and pulled an ugly face. "It's not exactly because I'm trustworthy, is it? Quite the opposite in fact. I'm easier to control if I have his mark, aren't I?"

"I suppose so." Regulus sighed and sat in a chair opposite his brother. "When do you think they'll let me have mine?" He asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

"If I had my way; never." Sirius hissed angrily, his hand covering the bandage. "But If Bella gets her way, which she usually does, probably not long. You'll have to prove yourself to them though."

Regulus looked irritably at his brother. "I deserve it more than you do! Haven't I proved myself already? I've devoted my whole life to the goal of serving the Dark Lord and yet he chose to bestow his mark on you not me!"

Sirius' face softened briefly and he rubbed tiredly at his eyes. "Reg, if I knew you would listen I'd give you all the many, many reasons why this is a bad idea. I wish you had listened to me when you joined the Death Eaters in the first place! This isn't the kind of thing someone like you will be able to cope with! You haven't even done anything that dangerous or hard yet, it's not easy taking a life."

Regulus straightened his shoulders defensively and sneered. "If it meant that I could get that mark then I'd gladly kill a filthy mudblood!"

Sirius gazed at his brother and sighed sadly. "I hope you never have to know what it's like to take a life, little brother. Hold onto that innocence because it doesn't last forever." He stood up and put on his shirt, he buttoned it and was glad to hide the bandage and reminder of what Voldemort had done to him. He sighed as he straightened out his hair with his fingers and turned to Regulus who was glaring angrily at his back. "Come on; let's get this stupid farce over and done with. You got the rings?"

Regulus sighed and took out a little box containing two silver rings. "Yeah." He said and followed his brother out the room.

The wedding was a hurried affair, the officiator spoke in short, sharp sentences before wrapping everything up by announcing them married. The guests were few, only Sirius' parents, the girls parents and his brother acting as best man. The girl he had married appeared to be utterly uninterested in the whole thing, she seemed bored by the ceremony and when it came to the end she sighed in obvious relief. Sirius shared her feelings. After a brief, tentative kiss on the lips they broke apart and signed the appropriate documents, Sirius' signature was a little shaky as he signed away his freedom. The ring on his finger felt too heavy and when they sat in the pavilion set up for the reception he had to force himself not to remove it, his parents gave a perfunctory toast to the 'happy couple' before striding away to speak to the girl's parents. Regulus sat slumped in his seat as music played from a grammar phone in one corner. Overall it was a miserable affair that culminated in Sirius being forced, almost at wand point, by his mother to take the girl up to his room.

They sat on his bed in silence, Sirius gazed around feeling awkward and yet having no idea what to say. His new wife, who was called Martha, fiddled absently with the sleeve of her ivory dress. Sirius cleared his throat and drummed his fingers on his knees as he avoided looking at her, he could almost feel the weight of her blue eyes boring holes into him and had to force himself not to get up and run. He wished desperately that he had some kind of intoxicating liquid near at hand, at least it would give him something to do.

"I think we're supposed to consummate this marriage now." Martha said hesitantly.

Sirius glanced at her and looked away again. "Er…yeah…I know…I um…I…" He stuttered himself into silence and inwardly grimaced at his pathetic attempts at speech.

"If we don't it's not official, you know." The girl continued nervously.

"I know…" Sirius replied in a rough voice, nerves made his stomach flutter uncomfortably.

"Look, I know you don't know me and I…I don't know you but maybe…maybe we can learn to like each other? I mean, it'd make things a lot easier."

Sirius finally made himself look at her, she had short hair that was clipped to just below her jaw. He sighed heavily and looked down at his hands. "I suppose I have to confess now, don't I?" he muttered to the carpet.

"Confess what?"

"That…That I…I don't actually like women…not…not in _that_ way." Sirius risked a glance up at his new wife and watched her digest his news, she screwed up her face for a moment before sighing heavily.

"Well…I don't exactly know what this means for us. My parents are expecting grandchildren." She sighed heavily.

"Yeah, mine too…" Sirius rubbed his hands over his face and fell backwards onto the bed. "Sorry." He muttered softly and heard Martha giggle, he turned his head and watched her fall beside him, she smiled.

"On the plus side, maybe we can be friends at least." She grinned and held out her hand.

Sirius felt a smile of his own tug at his lips and took her hand in his own. "Sounds like a good deal, better than I expected at any rate."

"We'll work something out and maybe find a way to give both our parents what they want without actually having to sleep together."

"It's worth thinking about." Sirius replied with a shrug. He smiled and thought that perhaps married life wouldn't be quite as bad as he thought it could have been.

_~Always Pure~_

The air was chill. Remus tucked his hands beneath his arm pits in a poor attempt to keep them warm, his breath steamed before his numb lips as he shivered inside his worn old cloak. He walked slowly with his head down and spent time counting his steps, it was an excellent way of preventing his mind from dwelling on the coming evening. Without his permission his eyes drifted helplessly up to the sky, he watched the weak sun hovering just above the horizon and forced his eyes away again. He stared down at his feet and continued counting his steps as inside he grew colder, he tried not to think about where he was going or what he was supposed to do when he got there. He kept his mind firmly blank. It was much easier to walk that way, if he thought about it all he would simply come to a stop and not move. He shivered and tried to wrap himself tighter in his cloak, it did no good, he still felt the keen bite of the wind. It whirled around him, playing with his grey streaked hair and nipping at his exposed skin.

Finally he found himself in the shadow of a large building, he lifted his head and looked up at it and felt shudders run down his spine. The place reeked of animals, he could smell them all packed together like so many dogs in one cage. His face twisted and he unconsciously snarled at the dilapidated building, its roof had half fallen in and he crunched over the broken tiles as he drew in every ounce of his courage and took the first few steps closer. The door loomed out of the low hanging mist like a wonky monster, he felt his heart beat speeding up and lifted his arm. He knocked three times as loudly as he could and waited with baited breath. After a moment the door opened to reveal a face ravaged so badly it barely even looked human, Remus swallowed his fear and straightened his shoulders. "I'm here to see Greyback." He said as firmly as he could, the man standing at the door grinned to reveal teeth that had been filed to vicious looking points.

"Come in then, friend." He said in a voice that was more like a growl than that of a human being, Remus stepped past him into the dim light of the building, he took one longing glance back outside before the door closed and trapped him.

Remus stood before the Werewolf who had begun his own life-long misery, his eyes followed him as he paced back and forth. He could sense others moving around cautiously, he could smell them and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He ignored them and focussed his whole attention upon their leader. Greyback finally stopped pacing and looked Remus directly in the face, he moved forward and began sniffing at him. Remus flinched back, unable to hide his revulsion and it took all his will to prevent his fingers from closing on his wand.

"You stink of Wizards." Greyback growled angrily.

Remus swallowed the tight lump in his throat and clenched both his hands into fists at his side, he did it to prevent them from shaking. "Yes, I admit I've tried to live with Wizards." He said hoarsely and Greyback lifted his lips back from his teeth in a wolf-ish sneer.

"And what did you think of them?"

Remus closed his eyes and repeated what he had been told to say. "I tried and I failed. I was treated like a second class citizen, I was treated as less than human." He forced his words out through clenched teeth, he was terrified that his true intentions would be sniffed out. He was terrified that Greyback would smell his fear and his fury on his skin. He couldn't afford to allow his emotions to rule his actions, he had to stay calm and ingratiate himself with these werewolves. He had to do his job for Dumbledore, he owed the man everything.

"The moon is rising, I'll be quick; are you prepared to throw off the chains Wizarding society has bound you in? Are you willing to welcome us and become one of our pack? Would you be willing to do whatever I say as pack leader?"

Remus managed to force away all his feelings and meet Greyback's eyes with his own. "Yes." He said softly, his whisper carrying through the deserted building for all the gathered Werewolves to hear.

"Then welcome to our little pack." Greyback grinned horribly as all around them his fellows howled and barked in greeting.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius slipped down a steep hill, his breathing caught in his throat as he was pitched forward into an unstoppable roll. He crashed into a stump at the bottom of the hill and winced as he leapt to his feet, ignoring the flare of pain in his ankle as he looked back up the way he had come. He saw the figure standing there and gazing down at him and fired a flash of green light up at them, they dodged aside and Sirius turned to continue his sprint. He ran towards a shadowy graveyard, the nearby church rose above him out of the low hanging ground mist like a monolithic crippled Giant out of some twisted child's fairy story. He felt searing heat as light whooshed past his ear and he dived behind a broken statue of what must have once been an angle, he gritted his teeth and tightened his grip on his wand as he heard voices shouting in the darkness. Another stray spell hit his hiding place and he leapt from behind it, his eyes narrowed behind his concealing mask as he fired a well aimed stunning spell at his pursuer. The man grunted and collapsed. Sirius gasped in a deep lungful of air and let himself fall backwards into the statue, he tipped his head back and looked up at the moon. It was massive and tinged a nasty blood red, he shuddered and lifted his hand. He pulled off his mask to reveal a face bathed in sweat as he slipped down to the cool grass and hung his head, his hand reached down and gripped his twisted ankle. It was a miracle he had managed to get so far on it.

"I will admit that you impress me somewhat."

Sirius let out a yelp of surprise and fear as his hand flew upwards, gripping his wand and aiming it at the person who had spoken. "Fucking _hell _Snape!" He gasped, putting a hand over his pounding heart and dropping his wand arm.

Severus Snape smirked in an irritatingly self-satisfied manner as he gazed down Sirius. "Apart from that ankle you escaped that trap rather well…I assume the other's weren't so lucky?"

Sirius snorted derision. "They stayed to try and kill those people from the Order…as far as I'm concerned my job was done. We killed those Ministry workers and got their papers, what need was there to stay and fight the Order?"

"I'm sure the Dark Lord will congratulate you." Snape turned away at a noise from the man on the floor, he moved over to him and roughly kicked him onto his back. "Longbottom." He said quietly.

Sirius gazed at Frank for a long moment before struggling to his feet. "Come on, let's get out of here." He said. "He's not our problem."

Frank gave voice to another long moan and began to stir fitfully. "We need to make sure he doesn't follow us." Snape said and lifted his wand but a hand grabbed his wrist and he turned to raise an eyebrow and Sirius.

"Don't bother. We'll be aparating, he's in no fit state to follow."

Severus sneered before lowering his wand. "This once, Black. Only this once." He hissed venomously. "I have no grudge against Longbottom." He turned away and walked towards the far side of the Graveyard, Sirius took one last lingering look at Frank before turning and following Severus.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius stared up at the moon, the strange reddish colouring reflected in his eyes as he leaned against the low wall surrounding the doorstep to Number Twelve. He was unable to tear his eyes away from it, almost as if he was hypnotised. He felt someone step up to his side but didn't bother looking around.

"Missing your Half-Breed lover?"

"Fuck off, Avery." Sirius muttered as he forced his eyes away from the moon and turned to the man at his side. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm here to bring you your next orders." Avery muttered bitterly, he forced a piece of parchment at Sirius who took it reluctantly. "I'm not a fucking messenger, my talents are better used elsewhere…"

Sirius smirked darkly and crumpled his orders in one fist. "Ah, obviously not good enough to be trusted with real work? Poor little Avery." He watched with satisfaction as his cousins face darkened ominously. "Obviously the Dark Lord doesn't regard you as good enough to do anything more than menial work, usually reserved for House-Elves. How does it feel to be so downgraded?"

"Shut up, Black."

Sirius laughed softly and straightened. "You've done your job, now get out of my sight. You taint the air." He waved an airy hand and opened the door to his house, before disappearing inside he glanced back to see Avery seething and smirked to himself.

_~Always Pure~_

James sat on his doorstep and looked out into the dark street, the lamp flickered violently on and off and gave everything a surreal dream-like quality. He sighed softly to himself as he absently played with a spare Sickle he had found in his pocket, it flowed across his knuckles rapidly as he repeated the process over and over. He heard the door open at his back and turned to look up, he spotted his wife and smiled. "Hey." He said and stood up, he dusted himself down and swept her into his arms, his face buried deep in her auburn hair and his eyes closed tightly.

"James? Are you alright?" Lily whispered and felt him sigh against her throat.

"As alright as I can be." He muttered, slowly running his fingers through her hair and brushing his lips against her skin. She shivered in his arms and tightened her embrace. "It's just…well..Frank and the others should be back by now."

"I know. Alice is losing her mind."

James didn't pull away, he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and drew himself as close as possible to his wife. "What…what would you do if…if I…if something happened to me?" He whispered, fear obvious in the gentle shake in his voice.

Lily drew away gently, looking up into his eyes and adjusting his wonky glasses. "That isn't going to happen." She insisted firmly. "I would never let it."

James smiled and drew her close again, he tangled both hands in her hair and pulled her to his lips in a deep, passionate kiss. "I love you Lily Potter." He breathed against her mouth and she responded in kind.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: The following fight scene could have been a lot better but seeing as I'm exhausted nearly constantly I have had great difficulty in getting into the characters shoes. I understand if you have issues with it, I know I do but I have re-written it several times tonight and I really don't think it's going to get any better. :( I apologise for that, I hope you enjoy it as the scene is essential to the rest of the story (and yes, it is basically canon, I know.) I haven't written a decent fight scene in a while, please enjoy and I love all your reviews. :) So much love for you my fellow Potter-nerds!**

_~Always Pure~_

The whole street was filled with chaos. Spells hit concrete, making it explode and send debris in every direction. Screams and shouts filled the dusty air, figures ran back and forth, almost dancing as they fought desperately for survival. Sirius sent a purple jet of light towards one of many dark figures hiding in the mist, he was unable to tell if it had reached its target as bright green light filled his vision and he was forced to duck behind a great slab of broken pavement. A shout from behind him made him spin around, he fired another spell randomly and watched a person fall. He had no time to dwell on whether it was friend or foe as he climbed back to his feet and tore off into the dust cloud. He tripped on something that felt like a body before scrambling desperately back up, he glanced back once but could no longer see the fallen. The air was thick and difficult to breathe, he could hear nothing but an odd ringing noise and his sense of balance was shot. He rapidly blinked away blood as it ran into his eyes from a cut on his forehead, he had been too close to an explosion and he knew it had damaged his hearing. Somehow he had lost his mask, his cloak was torn and he released the clasp so it fluttered forlornly to the floor. He left it there and let his legs carry him in a random direction.

He had lost all sense of direction, he had no idea where he was or who was still fighting, all he remembered was walking straight into an ambush. He and a few others including Snape and Avery had been accosted by a group of battle hardened Aurors, they had been embroiled in a fight for their lives but just as they thought they were winning a tall, white haired figure had materialised from nowhere. At the sight of Dumbledore several of his companions had fled, they hadn't got very far before Moody had ordered his Auror's to take them down. He had managed to survive only by the skin of his teeth, he had rarely come so close to death before.

"REMUS! TO YOUR LEFT!"

The shout forced Sirius to stop mid-step, his eyes widened and he spun on his heels to find himself face to face with Remus Lupin. He stepped backwards, his hands lifting in supplication. He looked straight into his old friend's eyes and realised too late that he didn't recognise him, he opened his mouth to speak but no words left his lips. He was blasted off his feet and had a sudden feeling of utter weightlessness before he came crashing back to earth with a strangled grunt. His wand flew from his numb fingers and clattered a few feet from him, he felt something snap as he attempted to break his fall with his hands. He cried out in agony as fire raced through his arm and forced himself to roll onto his back, he cradled his injured limb to his chest and hissed air through tightly clenched teeth. He heard footsteps close in on him from several directions and forced his eyes open so he found himself staring up into Remus' face. Sirius spat blood to the floor and tried to go for his wand but a boot came down on his grasping, desperate fingers and he looked up into Moody's scarred face.

"I think we've found your little lost puppy." Moody growled and pressed his boot harder into Sirius' hand, he felt the bones creaking ominously and winced.

"Sirius!" Remus gasped, lowering his wand and staring down at his friend with wide eyes. "I thought you were someone else! I didn't recognise you!" He moved forward, almost as if he were going to go to Sirius' side but was stopped by a strong hand on his arm.

"I wouldn't, boy." Moody said firmly. "The Ministry has to deal with this one."

Remus' eyes widened and he looked at his comrade. "But they'll send him to prison!"

"Aye, they will. It's where he belongs, don't you try and deny it. No matter what Dumbledore says he's still a Death Eater and justice must be served. Now back off or I'll knock you unconscious until after his bloody trial."

Dread and hopelessness seeped into Sirius' heart and he let his head fall back to the shattered pavement with a sigh, he closed his eyes and waited. The next words were ones he had never expected, they filled him with bright, painful hope.

"No." Remus' voice was soft but firm, he moved over to stand beside his friend and confronted Moody with straight shoulders. "I won't let him go to prison! I can't allow you to throw him to the Dementors! He didn't join Voldemort because he believes in their ideology; he joined because they have obviously threatened him! Alastor, please, I'm begging you, let James and I deal with him."

"His fate must be decided by the Wizengamot, we cannot appear weak by letting off a known supporter of Voldemort! If the proper authorities deem him innocent then he will be released."

"But they won't." Remus said in a voice that sounded beyond exhausted. "You know that Crouch won't let him go free, he'll crucify him before even hearing his side of the story. The Ministry need convictions, they won't grant his freedom."

"I'm sorry, Laddie, I can't let him go. It's my job to catch Dark Wizards, Sirius Black is a wanted criminal."

Remus sighed and seemed to be debating furiously with himself. His internal battle was fierce; he knew Moody spoke complete sense. He understood that Sirius had to be apprehended and tried for his crimes, he was a Death Eater after all but there was a deep part of him that refused to accept it. The thought of Sirius in the clutches of Dementors tore his heart to shreds, he knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he just stood back and let it happen. However, by helping Sirius escape he was not only endangering himself but he would also be betraying Dumbledore and the idea of that made bile rise in his throat. He was stuck between two hideously difficult choices and found himself wishing he could simply run from the burden of making a decision. Did he choose to betray one of his best friends or the Headmaster who had given him a life?

Sirius watched several expressions cross Remus' face in quick succession, Moody continued to put pressure on his hand until it throbbed painfully. He remained silent as he awaited his doom, he had no idea which course of action Remus would take but he didn't want him to help him escape. It would only add another layer of guilt to the massive weight in his chest if he was the cause of his friend landing himself a cell inside Azkaban. He would walk gladly into the arms of the Dementors if it meant Remus could live free.

Remus turned to look down at Sirius, he saw that he had a huge cut on his forehead that was bleeding profusely. His arm was twisted at a disturbing angle and his eyes glazed with pain, he saw a little trickle of blood seeping from one ear and bruises covering what little skin that was exposed beneath his torn and tatty robes. He could almost hear Sirius begging him not to help him escape and he bit his lip, still unable to decide the right course of action. Slowly he licked his dry lips and his face twisted in pain, he sighed heavily. "I-"

Before Remus could speak the world went silent. Moody's foot left Sirius' fingers as he limped back a step, his eyes lifted to the sky which began to darken ominously. "What's going on?" He asked roughly, seeming to speak to no one in particular.

Remus' eyes followed Moody's and he frowned in confusion. "I don't know." He said and his hand tightened its grip on his wand.

"JAMES!"

The terrified scream shattered the silence like a gong, Remus gasped, his eyes widened and he spun in a circle, searching desperately for the direction of the call. Sirius dragged himself painfully to his feet, he grabbed Remus' arm in his good hand and pulled him around so they were face to face. "That was Lily! Where's James?" He gasped, terror blatantly visible in his eyes.

"Last time I saw them they were fighting Snape…I…I haven't seen them since."

"LILY! GET BACK!"

Sirius flinched violently as soft, sadistic laughter drifted almost lazily through the dense dust that acted like fog. He knew who that voice belonged to and it made his hackles rise and terror sweep through him, he met Remus' gaze and together they broke into a run. Sirius forgot about his injuries, he forgot about the fact that he was working for the other side now as he raced towards his friend's voice.

Three figures emerged from the dust, their shadowy forms easily recognisable. Sirius came to an abrupt halt and automatically grabbed Remus' hand in his own. They shared a terror filled glance before turning back to the scene spread out before them.

James stood before the tall form of Lord Voldemort, his wand held high and pointing directly into his face. Lily stood at his side, her fingers tightly entwined with her husband's and her own wand raised. Voldemort surveyed them both with cold crimson eyes, he stood slightly elevated on a pile of rubble and had a small, satisfied smile upon his lipless mouth. "So, you must be the Potter's." He said in his high, cold voice. It carried through the battle ground as if he had shouted. "You know who I am." He continued in the same soft tone, the voice of a man looking to buy an object to add to a collection.

"We know." James said clearly, his voice as steady as If he was simply speaking to someone he hadn't seen in a while, rather than the Dark Lord himself. He lifted his wand higher, using the movement as a silent threat. "What do you want?"

"What I want, James Potter, is to offer you a very lucrative deal." Voldemort's smile widened. "I offer you both your life and that of your little wife…" His eyes moved to Lily who frowned in confusion. "I ask you both to join me."

James looked at Lily in utter bewilderment. "What? Why?"

"I have an eye for potential, you two are exceptionally gifted and I need those with power and gifts like yours. If you join me I can not only offer you power, I can give you your best friend back." His smirk widened as his eyes moved from James and Lily to Sirius who stood, unconsciously gripping Remus' hand in a death grip. "I am sure he would be most pleased to be reunited with you. What do you say, James Potter? Will you accept and become one of my most prized pupils?"

The silence stretched on for too long, Sirius shifted uneasily from one foot to another as James appeared to think about it. "What if we refuse?" He said slowly, as if trying to buy time.

"Then you will die. You will watch as I destroy your friends one by one until there is nothing left. You would choose the losing side, Dumbledore and the Ministry are not strong enough to defeat me and neither are you."

James turned and looked behind him, he spotted Sirius and their eyes met. Sirius began shaking his head rapidly but when James smiled he knew what he had chosen. He would rather die than work for a man who was intent upon destroying everything. Sirius felt Remus' fingers tighten on his own and they looked at each other.

"I can tell you now, Voldemort; I refuse your offer. You can threaten my wife and I all you want but we would both rather die than join you." James' voice rang as clear as a bell through the quiet street, Sirius sighed softly and closed his eyes as cheers erupted from the gathered Order members. He felt Remus' pulse racing against his own as the first flash of acidic green light illuminated the battle field.

"Then so be it!" Voldemort hissed, his wand lifted and pointing directly at James. "You will both die!"

James leapt just as a curse rushed past his head, he pushed Lily beneath him and covered her with his own body. After a second she pushed him off with a gasp and rolled out from beneath him, she roughly pushed hair from her face and glared at him. "I can fight as well, I don't need you to protect me all the time." She muttered irritably before spinning around and moving her wand in a series of overly complicated motions. James grinned and leapt to his own feet and began firing spells towards Voldemort who screamed in fury.

All eyes were glued to the battle before them, no one was able to look away. Sirius watched his best friend duel the Dark Lord, he was utterly amazed by what he was witnessing but with each spell fired he fought hard to stop himself from flinching. Terror for James' welfare clung to him and weighed him down, he felt sick every time Voldemort attacked, he winced each time a jet of green light scorched the air. Yet all through the fight his hand remained wrapped with Remus', he was unaware of the intimate contact but still drew comfort from it.

Together James and Lily Potter backed Voldemort into a corner, James was sweating and his teeth were gritted. Lily's hair was a tangled mess around her head and she was panting heavily but somehow they were managing to keep their feet. James had a cut along his cheek and his robes had holes singed in them, Lily had burnt hair and bruised hands from where she had taken a bad fall.

Finally Voldemort gave voice to another desperate scream of fury, with an abrupt swirl of black cloth he disappeared.

The silence that followed was absolute. Sirius watched James fall to his knees, Lily knelt by his side and gently pushed her fingers into his hair. She pressed her forehead against her husband's and whispered something in his ear, he looked up at her and they smiled into each other's eyes.

A loud pop snapped Sirius out of his trance and he tore his eyes away from the exhausted but elated couple before him, he turned to see black robes figures popping out of existence to horrified shouts from their various opponents. He felt Remus' fingers tighten on his own and looked at him, he stepped close and without asking permission he pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. "I miss you…every day." He breathed before breaking free of Remus' warm touch and spinning into darkness.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: A little teaser chapter here. :p I do hope you enjoy it.**

_~Always Pure~_

The bottle hit the wall and shattered into jagged pieces, liquid ran down the wall and wood and soaked into the carpet. Sirius stared at it through the haze of intoxication, he took a shuddering breath and pushed both hands into his hair. He heard his mother's startled call but ignored it as he fell backwards onto his bed and closed his eyes. He realised his mistake when the world began to spin, he felt his stomach twist painfully and re-opened his eyes and blinked rapidly to attempt to stop the room from whirling. He had been drinking since three o'clock that afternoon, he had locked himself in his bedroom to escape his parents' judgmental stares and muttered insults. His eyes moved to the broken mirror, his fist still throbbed from where he had smashed it into the glass. His reflection was of a man he no longer knew, every time he tried to find the boy who had played pranks with his friends at Hogwarts, he was unable to see anything but the face of a murderer. With a heavy groan he rolled onto his side and drew his knees to his chest, his stomach rolled back and forth as if he was at sea and he knew he was very close to throwing up.

A knock on his door made him sit up, he stared at it through the veil of his fringe before a voice startled him out of his drunken musings.

"Sirius…it's me…Martha…I…I heard something break, are you alright?"

"'M fiiiinee…" He said as he swayed where he sat. "I jus'…jus' wan' time…on me own…" He hiccoughed and shivered.

"Well, alright then. I'll see you later." Martha sighed and turned away from her husbands door but before she could take a step away she heard it open and strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist. She shuddered as hot breath caressed her neck.

"You can…you can stay here tonight…If…if you want to." Sirius whispered, his breath stank of alcohol and Martha turned around in his arms so she could look up into his face. He had dark circles beneath his eyes like bruises, his skin was deathly pale and he looked much thinner than when she had first met him. Pity stirred her heart and she stood on tip-toe to place a chaste kiss onto the corner of his mouth.

"If you want me to, I will. Come on, let's get you cleaned up and go to bed." She smiled but he didn't return it as he allowed her to take his hand and lead him into the bathroom.

That night Sirius was woken by terrible nightmares. Nightmares where he held his wand and pointed it at innocent people. Nightmares where he was forced to kill. Nightmares that were really only memories in the form of dreams. He woke several times to find himself surrounded by soft, fragrant arms and as he allowed the terror to dissipate he allowed himself to take comfort in them.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Remus stood in the abandoned building where the Werewolves gathered, he crouched by the wall and listened intently to the discussion going on nearby. He tried to divine the meaning behind what was said but so far he had only encountered unwavering support for Greyback's plans. He sighed heavily and tipped his head back against the wall, he gazed up through a crack in the ceiling and watched the star strewn sky slowly revolve above him. It was not a full moon as the pack wanted to meet occasionally while they were in their human forms, it was a good chance to get to know each other as something other than wolves and a chance to listen to Greyback preach about what a better world they would live in under Voldemort. His missions were becoming harder by the day, sometimes he struggled to disassociate himself from the Wolf within. He fought with himself each night as he dreamt, with increasing frequency, of fresh blood. It was torture each time he went out into the world as a wolf, he expected to one day wake up and find himself surrounded by the corpses of children. He spent days torturing himself as he wondered if he had bitten anyone or killed anyone, he was living in a constant state of terror and he could feel his sanity slowly slipping through his fingers like water.

As the crescent moon drifted lazily overhead he realised that everything had fallen quiet, his head snapped up and he stood. His eyes were drawn up to where a rickety mezzanine had been erected by the buildings previous owners. His breathe stopped in his throat as he found himself looking up at a tall cloaked figure flanked by two others in silver skull masks. His eyes widened and he slowly backed into shadow so that his face wouldn't be seen and potentially recognised.

"My friends!" Voldemort lifted his hands and the few mutters that had been rippling through the crowds fell silent. "Lord Voldemort is pleased to see such a large gathering of potential allies." He paused and smirked beneath his hood. "As Greyback has explained I intend to bring the Wizarding world into a new and exciting age…an age where we are no longer forced to hide away! An age where we may show our true colours in the bright light of day! I intend to bring Wizarding kind back to where we belong; above those magic-less muggle scum!" He paused again and waited, no one clapped but a few people muttered with their neighbours. Voldemort seemed undeterred as he continued; "As for your place in this new world order, well, you, of course, would be by our sides! Never again shall you be forced to suffer under the heavy boots of those less worthy! Never again will you be treated like animals, like creatures not worth the attention of so called superior people. I will give you all the rights you deserve, I intend to give you your long-desired freedoms…" When he paused this time the crowd erupted into screams and wolfish howls of excitement. Remus felt a heavy sense of foreboding sit in his gut, he glanced around at his fellows and saw the feverish light of excitement in their eyes. He stifled a sigh as he realised just how difficult his mission would be. "Now then, all I ask of you is that you stand by my side and follow me. All I wish is for you to help me achieve this great new world! Are you with me?"

The crowd screamed once again and Remus bit his bottom lip in worry as he watched Voldemort move swiftly away from the Mezzanine, he was followed by his two guards. Remus watched and ignored Greyback who took over from Voldemort's speech, he watched the figures move through the crowd, the guards following Voldemort at a respectful distance. He frowned as it dawned on him that he recognised the way the one on the left moved. They drew nearer, the guards having to push the werewolves back occasionally as they pushed forward to get a better look at the Dark Lord. Remus withdrew deeper into the shadows as the group finally drew level with him, he lifted his head and caught the eye of the left-hand guard. He jerked his head once towards the exit but the object of his attention made no sign he had noticed.

Later, as the moon was close to setting, Remus found himself leaning against the wall by the exit of the building. He stood there and silently berated himself for being a fool. He managed to half-convince himself that Sirius wouldn't turn up but each time he tried to leave he realised that he couldn't, he would wait there all night if he had to…he needed to see him. The desire was so strong it took his breath away, he had never wanted anything more in his life. He had no idea what he would do or say, he only knew that he had to see Sirius' face. He had to reassure himself that he was alive and still walking the same earth that he was. He had to make the terror leave him, even if only for a minute and Sirius was the answer. If he was with him, if he could just see his face one more time he would feel as if everything was ok again. He knew that Sirius would make everything feel alright, even if it was all lies.

A soft crack made Remus' head jerk upwards, he took a sharp breath and a painfully familiar scent set his heart pounding desperately in his chest. He pushed himself away from the cold wall and turned around. Sirius stood in the shadow of the doorway, his hood was pulled low over his eyes and he had his wand drawn but it was pointing limply at the ground. "Sirius." Remus breathed and before his brain could catch up to his body he found himself flying towards his lover, he realised too late that he had almost literally launched himself into Sirius' arms. He barely heard the soft grunt as he forced Sirius violently against the wall, he ignored the stuttered gasp as he crushed Sirius' lips with his own. He ignored everything as he lifted both hands and pushed them deep into thick black hair. Joy exploded in his chest when he felt Sirius' lips begin to respond to his own, he pushed his tongue into Sirius' open mouth and smiled into the kiss when he felt arms sliding around his waist and pulling his hips closer. They could hardly breathe, he could feel Sirius' heart fluttering against his own like a butterfly trapped in a cage. He felt a wave of exquisite dizziness sweep through him as his body begged for air, if he could have he would have never pulled away, but he had to. He disengaged the contact slowly, leaving a trail of blazing kisses over Sirius' stubble roughened jaw as he raked his fingers through his hair. Finally he opened his eyes and looked into bright silver-grey, Sirius was panting heavily and had a dazed, slightly confused look to his face that suggested that he had never expected such a reception.

"R-Remus…" Sirius managed to gasp and lifted a trembling hand to his ex-boyfriends face, he ran a finger slowly down his neck as if making sure he was real. "Merlin, Remus…What a greeting." He managed a shaky grin which Remus returned.

"I…I missed you." Remus said quietly. "Even though we've been banned from having contact with known Death Eaters I…I couldn't stand the thought of never seeing you again. I don't care if I get arrested, I don't care if the Ministry send me to Azkaban…not if it meant that I could share one night with you." He looked into Sirius' eyes and saw them soften, a pain lingered there that had been absent in their school days. He found himself wondering just what Sirius had been forced to do, it must have been truly horrible if it showed itself so blatantly.

"Remus, we can't." Sirius muttered, slowly trying to pull away. He took hold of Remus' wrists and pried them from his hair. "This is suicide. If either of us are caught we'll be in serious trouble…I won't be responsible for your imprisonment. I…I'm sorry…"

"Being the voice of reason was my job." Remus growled, his eyes flashing angrily as he yanked his hands away from Sirius' grip and slammed them into the wall beside his ex's head. He watched in satisfaction as Sirius' pupils dilated and he licked his lips slowly. "Tonight I've decided to follow your example and be a reckless fool. I realised that I can't live never knowing from one day to the next what could have happened if I hadn't allowed my fears to stop me from taking our relationship further. I hate waking up every day wondering if you're still alive. I hate myself when I remember the times I refused you. Please, Sirius, just…just give me this one night."

Sirius watched Remus curiously for a long moment in silence before he let out a soft chuckle, his face was transformed as a smile lit his features. He lifted his hand and wrapped it around the back of Remus' neck, he pulled him gently forwards until their lips were brushing. A light filled Sirius' eyes as a playful smirk lingered around his mouth. "Alright then…one night, Remus. Just this one night."

"That's all I ask." Remus replied and their lips met in a slow, almost lazy kiss.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Lily and James sat in the meeting room with their fingers entwined, the atmosphere was tense as they awaited the arrival of Remus. James had increasing difficulty in pushing away the morbid ideas that crossed his mind as he tried to find a reason why he was so late to the meeting, he knew that Remus had been called to a meeting of the werewolves he was currently trying to turn to Dumbledore's cause but since he had left no one had heard anything from him. Moody continued to clear his throat and check his watch, Dumbledore sat perfectly still with his chin resting on the tips of steepled fingers as he frowned into space. Lily kept glancing at the door as if she expected Remus to walk through it any second; James had his forehead resting upon the table top as he counted down each minute in his head.

Finally they all heard the door open and feet running on carpet, Remus burst into the dining hall and gave them all an incredibly guilty look. "I…I'm sorry…" He panted and moved over to where James sat beside Peter and Lily, he took his seat and James had a sudden waft of distinctly male cologne. He lifted an eyebrow but Remus was ignoring him. "The meeting overran, I apologise Albus."

Dumbledore relaxed visibly and smiled. "Not at all dear boy, not at all." His blue eyes sparkled as they bored into Remus who flushed pink and looked away, James frowned suspiciously and Lily hid a smile in her hand. No one else seemed to notice anything was amiss as Moody began the meeting.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius stepped into his house and shrugged off his cloak, he had a tiny smile on his lips as he threw it casually in the direction of the cloak stand and missed it by inches. He ignored it and strode down the hall and up the stairs towards the drawing room, he pushed open the door and paused when he saw his brother curled up cosily beside Martha who was giggling madly with a bright pink blush on her cheeks. Sirius' grin widened and his eyes sparkled knowingly, both his brother and his wife had glasses of wine in their hands and a photo album open between them. Regulus looked up and when he spotted his brother he went pale, he quickly shuffled away from Martha who looked disappointed. "Please, don't stop on my account." Sirius said and grinned. "You two looked like you were enjoying yourselves. I'll give you some privacy." He winked at his brother's shocked face and Martha's wide smile before bowing out of the room and returning on his journey up the stairs, he skipped a few of the top steps and reached his room just as his brothers hand fell on his arm.

"What did you mean by that?" Regulus asked, an almost painful hope in his face.

Sirius smiled softly and reached out, he ruffled his brother's hair affectionately. "Martha needs someone who's going to love her, Reg. If you're that person then so be it."

"B-But…I…I don't…I didn't…we…"

Sirius laughed. "It doesn't matter, you know that I can't be the husband she needs or wants. You know I can't physically be with her so why don't you two give things a go? If it works, well, who knows what will happen in the future?" He turned back to his door and pulled it open but paused as his brother's soft, scared voice came from behind him.

"Siri…? What…what are you planning? You're not going to do anything stupid are you?"

Sirius looked back at his brother over his shoulder, a serious expression on his face. "Reg, you know better than anyone that my time is limited. I only have until my usefulness runs out and then the Dark Lord will be able to get rid of me…I don't know when that'll be but I'm not stupid enough to think I could out fight him." With a last, slightly sad smile, he turned back to his room and entered it. Regulus watched the door close softly and took a moment to gaze at the swinging plaque with his brother's name engraved upon it. He knew that his brother and sister-in-law wouldn't be able to get a divorce but he did know that the contract would be dissolved the second one of them died, he felt sick at the thought of losing either of them and had to force the ideas away before turning from his brother's door and returning to the girl he was rapidly falling for.

**END NOTE: Yes, I WILL be writing the sex scene, don't worry. I just wanted to do things a little differently for this chapter. I do hope you enjoyed what I wrote and please, any thoughts would be most welcome. Thank you for your continued support.**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: I liked this chapter and I hope you do to. I have moved it on a little from where it was in regards to the timeline so things can start heating up a bit more. Thanks to all my readers, you're really wonderful.**

_~Toujours Pur~_

The rumours were rife, even though no one actually spoke of them in the company of the Dark Lord or his closest lieutenants. Sirius listened to the whispers, whispers that spoke of fear and awe. Two couples had continued to defy the Dark Lord, they had escaped three times from his clutches, admittedly they had been close calls but they still lived. Voldemort himself made no mention of the matter but all could see just how angry he was, it seeped from his very pours at every meeting as he sat at the head of the table and drummed his fingers on the wood. He paced, he began to take his anger out on any who made even the tiniest mistake. Sirius was careful to avoid him and only managed to encounter his wrath once since he had been defied by the Potter's, he had known it was coming the second the rumour reached him and he faced it with as much dignity as he could. Even as he lay on the floor, writhing and screaming under Voldemort's assault. Voldemort had only done it because he had once been friends with James, he had used him to make an example to the rest and when it was over Sirius was forced to thank him and limp away. The only thing that kept him going was the memory of Remus. He held onto the feel of his skin, the pounding of his heart and the soft muttered whispers in the darkness. He used it to remind himself of why he was doing what he was doing, of why he went out every day to murder, steal and torture on the whim of his Lord. He continued to tell himself over and over that the only thing keeping Remus alive was his absolute obedience. He knew that now James and Lily had both escaped Voldemort and insulted him each time that there was no way he could protect them, but the deal still held in regards to Remus. He kept this thought in his head as he slowly destroyed himself each time he acted on an order.

Regulus and Martha had become close, Sirius could see the worshipful way his brother watched her and he delighted to see his wife smile the way she did when around him. He was glad that someone was able to find happiness. At home he had taken to avoiding his mother who had been particularly bad since their father had fallen ill, she took to blaming Sirius for everything that went wrong. After the initial pride that both her sons had joined the Dark Lord and his mission she had reverted to antagonising her eldest. Sirius lived with constant anger; it throbbed and pulsed behind his eyes like a migraine until he was forced to leave the room if his mother entered. Orion's condition rapidly degenerated, Regulus began spending more and more time at home to nurse him as Walburga was grief stricken. Sirius avoided going near his parent's bedroom he had no wish to see his father, even if he was dying. His hatred for his family grew like a poisonous plant that began to strangle the very last of Sirius' ability to love, he was trying desperately to hold onto the vestiges of his feelings for Remus which were helped by the night they had spent in the abandoned building the Werewolves were using as a hideout. Every time he took a life he felt another part of himself die along with his victim, each time he made someone scream in agony he felt himself grow colder. Each day seemed to last a life time and by the time he went to bed he suffered from horrendous nightmares from which he woke with a scream on his lips, he fought hard to hide his slow collapse from his brother so that he didn't disturb his happiness.

Sirius took to drinking heavily, getting drunk near enough every night simply so that by the time he did fall asleep he would be unconscious and would avoid the nightmares. He tried to get out of the house as often as possible which led to his mother throwing accusations at him about cheating. He came home to find himself being verbally attacked, Walburga accused him of doing everything from whoring himself out to sleeping with animals. He brushed her comments off when he could but most times he ended up embroiled in a loud screaming match. Regulus attempted to calm the situation down but failed more often than not, he would end up standing between his mother and brother and forcing his brother to put away his wand. Walburga's constant sniping, Orion's illness and Sirius' torn loyalties were all creating a whirlwind of emotions far too confusing for him to cope with.

One night Sirius was lying in the grass beside Antonin Dolohov, he peered through the long vegetation, parting it with his hands as he watched several members of the Order of the Phoenix gathering just down the hill. It was easy for him to pick out Remus, James and Lily who were gathered in a tight group around Peter and the Longbottom's. Sirius felt his heart twist in his chest as he realised he would end up having to attack a group of people which included his friends. Half of him hoped that somehow he would get hit by a stray spell and would have a perfectly valid excuse not to hurt any of them. "It's time." Dolohov hissed in Sirius' ear making him cringe slightly, he blew hair from his eyes before moving into a crouch but a hand on his shoulder made him pause. "You're going in alone." Dolohov said with a grin. "I'll join you when I can but the Dark Lord wants you to take out as many as you can…call it a test, if you will."

"But that's not part of the deal!" Sirius replied, his voice rising a little too much and Dolohov was forced to put a rough hand over his mouth.

"I don't care what deal you supposedly have with the Dark Lord, he has given his orders and you must follow them!"

Sirius swallowed as bile rose in his throat before reluctantly nodding, he reached into his pocket and removed his mask but Dolohov grabbed his wrist in a bone crushing grip. "You're not wearing that this time, mate. I want to see your friends faces when they realise who's attacking them." He grinned sadistically and finally released Sirius. "Filthy Bloodtraitors the lot of them…look at them, parading around with Mudblood's and filth as if they own the place! You're just as bad as they are, just because you work for our side doesn't mean we don't know your filthy little secrets. Anyone who degrades themselves by fucking Werewolves is as bad, if not worse, than those fools down there. The minute the Dark Lord is finished with you, Black, I'm gunna enjoy killing you."

"You won't get a look in." Sirius replied angrily. "Bella'll want me all to herself, you know how she feels about my lack of loyalty."

Dolohov grinned. "Oh yes but she plays with her victims before hand, maybe she'll let me have a little game with you too?"

"Maybe." Sirius said as he began crawling through the undergrowth, he looked back over his shoulder at Dolohov who was watching him with bright interest. "But who knows what the Dark Lord wants done with me? Maybe he wants me to die quickly, get it over and done with so he can forget about me…" He sighed and withdrew his wand from his pocket, with a small smirk he turned around and shot a bright red stunning spell straight between Dolohov's eyes. He watched in satisfaction as he fell on his face with a soft grunt. "Or maybe he'll have to kill me himself as I ruin his plans." Sirius muttered and returned his attention back on the people below him, he watched as eyes began turning in his direction and smiled softly to himself as he watched James, Remus, Lily and Peter all running up the hill towards him. He watched for as long as he dared as they drew closer and he was able to see their faces, when Remus reached his hiding place he disapperated with a soft pop.

"What happened? What was that flash of light?" James asked as he reached Remus' side, they searched the grass and spotted a black robed body lying still. James kicked him roughly onto his back and peered into his slack face. "Stunned…" He muttered with a frown. "Who could have done it?"

Remus didn't answer, his eyes were focussed on a patch of dented grass where it appeared another had lain not seconds before. Over the scent of crushed greenery and the soft scents of the night he could also smell lingering cologne. He smiled to himself and looked up at James. "He's not a traitor." He said softly and James, after a second to work out who he was speaking of, smiled.

"No, he's not."

_~Always Pure~_

Remus found the note pinned to his front door, on the doorstep was a basket covered with a blanket. He recognised the handwriting instantly and a bright smile spread across his prematurely lined face, he lifted his hand and took the letter off his door and opened it.

_Remus, _

_I know that you're not supposed to meet with me but I can't take it anymore. It's been months since that time in the derelict building and it's torture not seeing your face. Please, I know it's dangerous, it's stupid and ridiculous, but please, come meet me. I've thought of nothing but you and that night, don't make me wait any longer. Damn the consequences, Moony, I want you._

Beneath the short note was the name of a park that Remus remembered spending a few nights in with James, Sirius and Peter when they had been at school. He smiled and crouched to uncover the picnic basket, it revealed a bottle of the most expensive Champaign, an assortment of cheeses, two crystal glasses, various types of bread, grapes and strawberries. He dug further into the basket and discovered, to his pleasant surprise, a big block of his favourite Honeydukes chocolate. Each item was labelled in Sirius' impressively extravagant handwriting with little sayings like; 'Eat me', 'Drink me' like the bottles of strange potions in Alice and Wonderland. He hefted the basket into his arms and, with his free hand, managed to extricate his wand from the pocket of his jeans. He spun on the spot, concentrating on the park.

_~Always Pure~_

"Sirius, where are you going?"

Sirius turned to see his brother standing at the bottom of the stairs and looking utterly exhausted, his hair was messy and unbrushed, his robes unusually wrinkly and he had the air of someone who was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. "I'm going out, don't worry, I'll be back in the morning." He shrugged his coat on and smiled to himself.

"You can't!" Regulus said desperately. "I'm not going to stay here and look after father again! Please, Sirius, he's dying! At least go and see him."

"No." Sirius snapped irritably, annoyed that his rare good mood was being spoiled by his brother's whinging. "I don't have to see him, Reg. He'll still be alive in the morning anyway, it'll take him weeks if not months to snuff it."

"How can you be so…so…callous?!" Regulus' voice rose an octave as he fought with his emotions, he was tired after having spent the whole night with his father who had been vomiting violently, he had then been forced to give his mother a calming potion as she had begun to scream and cry again. "You're never here anymore, you don't pull your weight when it comes to mum and dad! I'm only asking you to stay here for one night! I can't do this alone!"

Sirius paused, his hand shaking a little as it hovered above the door handle. It was a moment before he spoke in a rough voice; "You're doing fine, Reg. If I tried to help Mum would curse me, you know that…I'd just be a hindrance. Look, I'm sure Dad'll sleep for the rest of the night now, after all he was up most of last night and must be tired."

"What if he wants to see you? What if he dies while you're out doing whatever it is you're doing?"

"Then…then he'll probably die happy." There was bitter bite in Sirius' voice which he failed to cover so he pulled open the door and stepped out into the night.

"Sirius! Sirius, wait! Damn it!" Regulus cursed as the door was slammed in his face, his hands curled into tight fists at his side and he let out a breath he had been holding. "You bastard." He breathed softly into the musty hallway.

"Master Regulus, would you like a nightcap?"

Kreacher's bull-frog voice made Regulus blink and look down. "Yes, thank you Kreacher…" He paused and crouched before the elf, inspecting him closely. "Kreacher…I want you to do something for me."

"Kreacher will do anything for Master Regulus."

"I-I…" He bit down on his bottom lip before smiling. "I've been asked by the Dark Lord himself to lend him your services, he needs an elf for a very important mission…would you be willing to do it?"

"If Master Regulus orders it so."

"Thank you, Kreacher." Regulus stood up and heard a sudden scream from somewhere high above his head, he looked up as if he could see through several floors and sighed heavily. "Could you also bring me another dose of calming potion, please? Oh and a mug of hot milk and father's medicine."

"Of course, Master." Kreacher bowed low before turning and running off down the hall, Regulus watched him go feeling distinctly lost.

_~Always Pure~_

Remus lay on the blanket and looked up at the stars strewn above his head like millions of tiny diamonds; he smiled serenely to himself as he waited for Sirius. He had set out the two glasses and opened the bottle of Champaign and set out the cheese, grapes and bread in what he hoped was a nice, cosy arrangement. He waited patiently as time ticked by but it was an hour before he heard the tell tale noise of someone Apparating, he felt his throat constrict and his heart skip a beat as he turned in the direction of the noise to see a figure approaching. He smiled and stood up.

"Remus." Sirius said softly in greeting and smiled brightly, Remus went to him and yanked him into a rough embrace. "You can't know what it means to see you here." He whispered as he pulled away, his hands pressed to either side of Remus' face, they gazed at each other in silence for a while before Remus pulled Sirius' hands from him and moved in to kiss him. Sirius returned the gesture gladly and let bliss wash away all guilt and worry about his brother from his mind.

"How could I refuse such a lucrative offer?" Remus said with a smile as he pulled away. "I never took you for a romantic, Padfoot."

"I'm offended!" Sirius said as he let Remus pull him down onto the blanket. "I can be very romantic when I want to be…romance tends to lead to things a bit more…interesting." He smirked devilishly and ran a finger down Remus' chest. "So, what do you say to starting on the Champaign and then getting down to business?"

"Slow down there Mr. Horney." Remus replied softly as he gently pushed Sirius' hand away from him. "Let's just…enjoy each other for a while."

Sirius whined petulantly and threw himself down onto the blanket, his hair splayed about his head in a dark halo and the pout on his handsome face was so reminiscent of his old self Remus had to giggle. "Only if you feed me."

"Alright, I think I might be able to consent to that." And he picked up a grape and put it between his lips, he leaned over his lover and Sirius smirked as he lifted himself up onto his elbows and took the grape between his teeth.

Sirius swallowed and pushed a hand into Remus' hair, slowly he kissed him. "I miss this. I can't believe how stupid I was…to risk throwing this away over some stupid prank!" He sighed and closed his eyes, nuzzling Remus' nose with his own. "I lo-OW!" He winced as agony raced up his left arm, he reacted instinctively and grabbed the mark as it burned savagely. "I-I…I have to go!" He gasped and struggled out from beneath Remus. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" He withdrew his wand from his pocket and gave Remus an agonised look before spinning into suffocating darkness.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Yes this story is veering towards Canon again but don't worry it won't be totally canon, give it time. I just love the back story behind Kreacher and Regulus so I couldn't help but write it in. Hope you enjoy. :)**

_~Always Pure~_

Sirius hadn't seen Remus for months, since he had been called away from their impromptu picnic he had been forced on almost continuous missions. He was rarely at home and when he was he was usually sleeping. He didn't notice his brother's rapid decline, and he ignored his mother's descent into madness. Martha began spending more and more time away from Grimmauld Place, she had had enough of Walburga's constant insinuations that she was infertile and she should go to St. Mungo's to get herself looked at. She said her farewells to Regulus who missed her company deeply but he had much more worrying things playing on his mind. Without Martha as a distraction he was becoming more aware of his brother's slow deterioration, he watched him drink himself into a stupor every night, he lay awake and listened to his desperate mutters when he slept. He hadn't been on a mission since his father had fallen ill but now he no longer desired to go, he had the mark but the Dark Lord had given him permission to stay at home and look after his family. He had never been more grateful in his life, after watching Sirius and realising the awful affect of the things he had been forced to do he realised that he would rather stay at home and protect his family. At night he lay gazing up at his ceiling as he tried to work out what he could do about everything. He had never been so afraid before, everything he knew was falling apart around his ears and he could no longer say that he agreed with the actions Voldemort was taking. It was dangerous and he didn't like the sheer number of deaths and disappearances.

It was Kreacher who gave him the idea of what to do, his old house elf told him what had happened when he had been 'borrowed' by Lord Voldemort and Regulus felt the first stirrings of rage mingle with his fear. He knew that he could not go to his brother, Sirius was too impulsive. He would probably do something stupid and put everyone Regulus loved at risk, no, this job needed a plan that was subtle. He had to do something that no one would notice, something that would somehow damage Voldemort without his knowing. Slowly Regulus came up with a plan.

_~Always Pure~_

It was a cold December morning when Sirius woke to grief stricken screams, he sat up in his bed and listened as his mother wailed. Slowly he got up and threw on his bed robe before opening the door and peering cautiously out into the hall, he looked upwards to see Regulus standing at the foot of the next set of stairs. "Reg? What's going on?" Sirius called and his brother turned his pale face towards him.

"I-It's Dad…He…he's dead."

Sirius licked his lips slowly and averted his eyes. "Oh." He said and went back into his room and closed the door, he leaned heavily against his door and took a deep breath. His father was dead. Surely he should feel something? After all the man had helped create him. But Sirius felt nothing. Inside was simply empty, he pictured his father's face, twisted with hate and shook his head. It was useless, he had never cared about the man, he didn't care now he was dead.

The funeral was quiet with only Sirius, Regulus and Walburga in attendance. Sirius watched as his father was placed deep inside the family tomb and shut away forever, he could only feel a great sense of relief that it was finally over. Regulus and Walburga comforted each other as Sirius walked away and left them to it, he returned home and got himself a drink.

When Regulus returned home after the small, quiet wake he found his brother passed out on a chair before the fire. He watched the light of the flames dance across his handsome face and for the first time noticed the strain that resided just below the surface, he had lost weight and he had dark circles beneath his eyes that resembled bruises. With a heavy sigh he turned to find his mother, dressed entirely in a black mourning dress, standing in the door way. "Your brother never did care." She whispered venomously. "Bella told me how he is always in trouble with the Dark Lord because of his constant rebelliousness. Although he is a product of my loins I hope that someday the Dark Lord puts an end to him, I can no longer abide having him in this house."

"Mother, please go upstairs, you need rest."

She turned blank eyes onto her youngest and took his head in both her hands, she kissed his forehead affectionately. "My dear Regulus, you were always the best. So loving, so caring…not like your brother, he has always been a useless waste of space. It grieves me everyday to think that I gave birth to such a disgusting traitor but you, you make all my suffering worth it." Her smile was weak and so full of sadness Regulus felt grief well up in his chest until it threatened to suffocate him. "You do this family proud, child." She released him and turned towards the stairs. "Kreacher, please bring a phial of dreamless sleep, I will be in need of it."

"Yes, Mistress." The old elf bowed low before moving towards the kitchen.

"Kreacher?" Regulus spoke but didn't move his eyes away from his brother's unconscious form.

"Yes Master?"

"When you've given mother her potion I want you to take me to the place that the Dark Lord took you."

Kreacher paused, eyes wide in his face as he regarded his well-loved master. "B-But Master Regulus, that is a dangerous place, full of evil things…why would you wish to go there?"

"I…I have something important to do…" Slowly Regulus turned to look at the elf, his eyes held a mixture of terror and a hard determination. "This is an order."

"Of course, Master."

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius woke where he had fallen unconscious, he groaned heavily as a headache pounded its way through his body like a hammer on an anvil. He winced as he forced himself into an upright position, he looked out the window and saw the grey light of dawn in the heavily clouded sky. His mouth tasted of old mothballs and he grimaced as he righted himself. "Kreacher!" His voice was commanding in the silent house and he waited for the old elf to appear, he sat there for fifteen minutes before realising the elf wasn't coming. "Oh for Merlin's sake…where is that bloody creature?" He sighed and forced himself to stand up, slowly he inched his way carefully around the table in the centre of the room and began making his way downstairs towards the kitchen.

When he was stood in the door way to the kitchen he gazed around curiously, there was no sign of the elf and he frowned in confusion. Slowly so as not to make his headache any worse, he made his way to the cupboards and began rummaging through them for a hangover cure. His fingers closed on a bottle of the greenish liquid just as there was a loud crack from just behind him, he almost leapt out of skin, his fingers releasing the bottle so it rolled away beneath a chair. He yelped in shock and spun around with wide eyes to find Kreacher standing beside the fireplace. The elf was panting desperately, his bare chest heaving and his eyes wide and watery, abruptly he broke out in loud, terrified sobs. It was a moment before Sirius saw something gold glittering in his hand, he dismissed this and frowned. "Kreacher, where were you when I called earlier?" He shouted over the noise the elf was making.

Kreacher didn't seem to hear as he continued to ball, his nose running and his eyes leaking as he sat on the floor and began rocking back and forth. Sirius lifted an eyebrow at this strange display of emotion, he turned and grabbed the bottle before sitting up and pulling the cork as he waited for the elf to calm down enough to answer his questions. Finally his sobs turned into little snuffles and Sirius could feel the affects of the potion, he sighed in relief and turned his attention back to the house elf. "Kreacher, where were you when I called?" He demanded harshly.

"K-Kreacher was…Kreacher was busy, M-Master." Kreacher gasped, avoiding Sirius' eyes. "I am most sorry for that…what is it you were wanting?" He finally looked at Sirius, he was more aware than ever of his resemblance to his most loved Master but he still felt the low bubbling of utter dislike for the elder Black.

"I've got it myself. Next time I call you answer, it's your job." Sirius stood up and with one last suspicious glance back at the elf he walked away.

_~Always Pure~_

James fidgeted nervously with the sleeve of his robes, his eyes darting around as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Peter eyed him suspiciously, he had been acting strange for a whole week now and it was disturbing. "Where's Remus?" He asked in an attempt to bring James out of his heightened state of nervousness.

"Who? What?" James jumped as if only just noticing his old friend's presence.

Peter rolled his eyes. "What on earth is wrong with you? You've been acting weird for ages."

"No I haven't. I've been perfectly normal." James replied and jumped violently when Remus appeared at their sides.

"Hello, have you been waiting long?"

"No, we haven't." Peter replied in James' stead as his hazel eyes gazed off thoughtfully into the distance.

"Good…erm…James?" Remus frowned in worry as he placed a hand on James' shoulder, causing him cry out in surprise.

"Oh! Remus! Don't scare me like that."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to…Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, fine…never better…" James' eyes clouded over again and a small frown of worry creased his brow.

"Where's Lily? I haven't seen her in a while."

"Oh she's…she's not well…being sick a lot…" James said vaguely and winced. "Oh Merlin…" He sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes behind his glasses. "I suppose it can't hurt, can it?" He whispered to himself before finally lifting his head and looking at his friends. "She's preg-pregnant."

Remus' eyes widened and a grin split his face, the transformation was eerie, he looked younger. He grabbed James and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "Congratulations, Prongs!" He cried as joy overwhelmed him.

James smiled weakly. "Thanks…it was a bit of a shock to be honest." He breathed. "She went to a Healer to see why she was so ill all the time and when they did the diagnostics they found out…Oh Merlin…I-I'm going to be a father…" His knees went weak and Remus had to hold him up. "I'm going to be rubbish! I just know it!"

Remus laughed as he guided his friend down onto the door step of the Order's current HQ. "You'll be an excellent father, James." He said softly but James still looked pale and terrified.

"This is…this is worse than spending my life fighting Death Eaters!" He groaned and pushed his hands into his hair. "I had to practically lock Lily in the house to stop her from coming today, I can't stop myself from worrying that she'll get hurt or-or die…I mean, she can't fight anymore, can she? She can't put our child at risk anymore."

"I'm sure she understands." Peter said in an oddly blank voice, the response seemed to be automated as a dark shadow crossed his pudgy face.

"You know, I really don't think she does." James grimaced. "We had a blazing row before I left this morning, she's determined to keep fighting until she has the damned baby! I can't have that. It's bad enough worrying every time she steps out the door but now she's carrying a baby I…I can't let her do it."

"She'll realise eventually, Prongs." Remus said consolingly and put a hand on his friends shoulder, he was still beaming like a mad man. "If she's really that ill she won't be up for anything strenuous anyway, by the time you go home tonight she'll have forgiven you."

James laughed. "Yeah and I'm a Hippogriff!"

Their laughter broke off as more people began arriving for the meeting; the boys stood up and shared brief smiles before greeting the others.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius sat in a hard backed chair and drummed his fingers on the table absently, all around him his fellow Death Eaters sat and talked in low voices. His eyes gazed into the distance; he was unaware of his surroundings as he wondered just where his brother had gone. Regulus hadn't been seen for nearly two months now and it was worrying him, his mother had retreated to her room and sometimes he would hear her screams. Kreacher would abruptly break out into random fits of hysterical crying, the house was slowly falling into disrepair as he neglected his chores. Sirius had been forced on more than one occasion to get his own food which now consisted of mostly sandwiches as he had no idea how to cook. Not that eating was particularly high on his priority list. He had contacted every member of the family he could think of asking if they had heard anything from his brother, not a single one of them had. Fear sat like a weight in his stomach as he was slowly being forced to confront the only truth left available to him; his little brother was dead.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: A bit of romantic slushyness, a bit of angst and a bit of Remus/Sirius action. (Not smex, unfortunately, I have yet to find the inspiration to write it…every time I try it feels stale and cliché, god knows why. For this I apologise.) Right please enjoy what I have written and if anyone has any comments or concrit please feel free to leave me a little review, I do enjoy hearing from you. :) Love you all.**

_~Toujours Pur~_

The wind was cold as it gusted through Sirius' hair, he stood before the family tomb with his hands deep in his pockets as his eyes lingered on the Latin inscription above the door. His mind dwelled helplessly on the fact that his brother wouldn't get a funeral, his body was lost somewhere and Sirius had no idea where so he couldn't even attempt to retrieve it. He sighed shakily and slowly withdrew his wand, in silence he moved it in a circle and conjured an arrangement of white carnations. It slowly fell so it was resting beside the door and Sirius returned his wand to his pocket before finally turning away, he could find no words to say and so he left the lonely graveyard in silence.

The second he stepped through the door of number twelve Grimmauld Place he was accosted by his frantic mother, she grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him violently. "Where were you?! What were you doing? Why did you leave? Did you find your brother?" She screamed the questions at him, her face twisted in desperation, Sirius pushed her away from him and she stumbled back a step, she fell silent and looked at him through tear filled eyes.

"You know as well as I do that he's dead." Sirius said in a voice made rough by grief. "He's gone! He's never coming back! Get it into your head!"

Walburga snarled at him, her hands curling into things that resembled claws. "He will return! He's a good son, not like you! He'll come back to me, you just wait."

Sirius gazed at her in silence for a long time before releasing his breath in a long, drawn out sigh. He closed his eyes and pushed his fingers into his hair. "Whether you want to accept it or not it's true. Regulus is dead. I don't know how and I don't know why…I…I don't even…I don't even know where his body is! We can't even bury him."

"If there's no body then that can only mean he's still alive, I can feel it. He'll come home to me, I raised him to be a good boy. He was always a good boy." She turned away from Sirius and he heard the sound of a broken sob. "It should have been you." She whispered and walked away, leaving Sirius in the hall feeling as if he had been punched in the stomach. He fell into the wall and slid down it until he was perched on his haunches, he put his face in his hands and sat there in the dusty silence.

_~Always Pure~_

Remus stepped out of his front door and made to close it but he stopped when he heard footsteps on the path leading to his home. Slowly he turned around to face the intruder, he recognised Sirius immediately and knew by the look on his face that something awful had happened. "Sirius." He stepped away from his door and covered the distance between them in two strides, he grabbed Sirius and pulled him roughly into an embrace. "What happened?" He asked softly as he felt Sirius' arms surround him and hot breath on his neck, his shoulders began to shake violently and so Remus ran fingers through his hair consolingly.

"He's dead, Remus." Sirius breathed, his voice hitching with suppressed emotions. "He's dead and I-I don't know why…or how…I-I don't even know where he died."

"Come on inside." Remus said softly as he pulled away, he smiled into Sirius' face and gently pulled him into the house. "I'll get you some tea and we can talk, if that's what you need."

"Moony?" Sirius paused just as they reached the top step, Remus turned around and looked questioningly at him. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For being you." Sirius leaned towards him and pressed a kiss to his lips, he slid one hand deep into Remus' greying hair and let its texture relieve some of the pressure that had been growing inside him since the conclusion he had reached about his brother. They stayed like that for a long while as the stars above them twinkled coldly in their dark mantle.

"Come on, it's cold." Remus finally broke the contact but he wrapped his fingers with Sirius' and gave him a reassuring smile as he pulled him gently into the house. "My father's out so it's just us."

"Good. I don't think he'd like to see his son with a known Death Eater." Sirius replied absently as he gazed around the hall with interest, he saw a photograph of a man with a stunning looking woman who had a bundle of blankets in her arms and was beaming as if she had just won the lottery.

"No…I suppose not. It's bad enough that I'm a Werewolf, let alone that I'm sleeping with a man who is working for Voldemort." Remus said a little bitterly.

"Remus?"

"Yes?" They had reached the kitchen and Remus had gently pushed Sirius into one of the chairs at the breakfast table.

"Do you…do you hate me?"

"What on earth would I hate you for?" Remus asked as he began pulling down the tea jar and putting the large iron kettle over the fire to boil.

"Well…because of what I did. Because of the choices that I made…I hate me, I would understand if you did too."

Remus sighed heavily and turned to see Sirius looking forlorn and lonely, his eyes had a blank sheen to them and he looked as if he had not slept in a long time. He moved towards him and took both his hands in his own. "Sirius, I'm a stupid man." He began softly, his eyes boring into those of his friends. "I'm not brave when it comes to you…I could forgive you anything."

"How can you forgive someone who's murdered countless innocent people?" Sirius asked in a dead voice, he watched as Remus lifted his hands to his lips and kissed them.

"I've taken lives too, none of us are innocent anymore. I won't pretend that what you've been forced to do doesn't appal me a little, of course it does, but I don't think you've done any of this because you wanted to. I trust you enough to believe that you're being blackmailed somehow." Remus looked down at their entwined hands and a small frown creased his brow, his fingers moved so that they found the silver band that decorated his left ring finger. "Sirius…" He began slowly, his eyes moving to meet his friends. "What is this?"

Sirius jerked his hand away from his touch abruptly, he averted his eyes and looked at the floor. "Nothing. It's meaningless." He muttered.

Remus' frown darkened. "You're married." He said quietly, the hurt obvious in his tone.

"Well…Kind of." Sirius looked at him sheepishly. "It's not exactly what one would be able to call a conventional marriage."

"Who?"

"A lovely pureblood girl by the name of Martha…she…she was chosen by my parents, we've been married for a while now. Remus, please, listen to me before you go off on one!" He grabbed Remus' hand tightly before he could pull it back. "I don't love her. I can't love her. I'm gay, I promise you that. I had no choice but to marry her, I had to keep my parents as happy as I could so…so I agreed…it was that or end up on the streets in some random country. Please, understand why I did it. I didn't want to and I never touched her! I swear I didn't."

"You're…married? To a-a girl?" Remus' eyes filled with hurt but he still couldn't get his hand out of Sirius' tight grip.

"Yes but it's meaningless, like I said." Sirius leaned across the table earnestly, silently begging Remus to understand. "I don't love her."

"Is she pretty?" Remus was helpless to prevent his voice from turning cold as jealousy replaced his earlier elation at being reunited with his lover.

"Remus, don't be a prat!" Sirius snapped. "How can I love her, no matter how pretty she is? How can I feel anything for her when It's always been _you_?" Sirius' breath caught in his throat as he realised what he had said, he watched Remus consider him carefully and could almost hear the cogs turning in his overactive brain. "Always you, Moony." Sirius breathed and tightened his grip on Remus' hands, he leaned even closer over the table, his stomach aching as it was squashed against the hard wood. His lips brushed Remus' and he closed his eyes. "I love _you_; I can never love anyone else."

Slowly a small smile spread across Remus' face, he tipped his head to the side and increased the pressure of their lips. "That makes it a little better." He breathed and pulled Sirius closer by the hair, his fingers tangling in it as their kiss began to degenerate into something more passionate. "Just…don't understand…" Remus muttered between each kiss. "…Why…didn't you…tell me…?"

Sirius pulled himself away reluctantly, his stomach felt bruised but he had been enjoying Remus' kiss far too much to care. "I…I was scared." He admitted and smiled weakly. "I didn't know how you'd react."

Remus searched Sirius' face for a moment. "If it's something you had no choice in how could I object? After all, it's not even as if we're exactly a couple, is it?"

"No…no of course not." Sirius sat back down, his fingers reluctantly releasing Remus'. "I should have thought…"

The kettle began screaming at that moment and Remus turned away from Sirius to tend to the tea, he could feel Sirius' eyes boring into his back like knives and it made him acutely aware of the way his body moved. After a moment of silence, as Remus was adding sugar to his tea, Sirius spoke in a halting voice; "Regulus is dead."

Remus turned around, almost spilling scolding liquid over his fingers. He saw Sirius sitting with his head buried in his arms, his shoulders shaking as he fought with grief. "Oh…oh Sirius…I'm so sorry." He breathed as he put the tea down and moved to his lover's side, he pulled him gently up and wrapped him in an embrace. Gently he kissed the top of his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I didn't know it was Regulus you were talking about."

Sirius buried his face in Remus' worn old jumper, he took a deep breath as his hand curled into a fist in the rough wool. "I don't even know how he died, or where…he'll never get a proper burial." Remus said nothing, he couldn't think of anything that would ease Sirius' pain. "It's…it's all my fault."

"No! Don't be stupid." Remus said sternly. "How is it your fault?"

"Because I…because of the choices I made. Because he watched me choose to work for the Dark Lord and decided to follow in my footsteps."

Remus disengaged from Sirius' embrace and took his face in both his hands. "You told us at school that Regulus was showing an interest in the movements of Voldemort from an early age, how can you be responsible for that?"

"I…" Sirius paused and his eyes cleared of a little of his guilt. "Yeah…that's true…" He said and managed a small smile.

"No matter what path you chose, Regulus would have gone his own way. I'm sure that he would never blame you for what happened to him."

"I don't know about that, I was never the best big brother…" Sirius looked away from Remus and picked up his tea, he took a sip and sighed as warmth spread through him. "That's good. Kreacher hasn't bothered making tea since my brother went missing and I'm rubbish at it."

"Some things haven't changed then." Remus teased affectionately as he took a seat beside his lover, their fingers entwined between them and they drank their tea in companionable silence for a moment. "Sirius? Stay here tonight."

Sirius looked up and frowned. "But if someone sees us together-"

"Then I'll deal with that if it happens. I think you must be a bad influence on me, I'm feeling rather reckless."

Sirius smirked playfully, the pain over his brother's death easing just a little. "Oh Moony, I do love it when you get reckless…let's do it right here, in the kitchen."

Remus grinned brightly before grabbing Sirius by the front of his shirt and yanking him to his feet, he turned him around and slammed him backwards into the table. "It's something I've always wanted to try." He breathed and dragged Sirius' lips to his own.

_~Always Pure~_

"Lily please, you have to stay here! It's not because we think you're going to hold us back it's because you're pregnant!" James said from where he sat on the stairs putting on his boots, Lily stood above him with her arms folded and a determined frown on her face.

"I'm not sick, just because I'm carrying a child doesn't mean I can't be of some use! I'm not made of china, I'm not going to break the second I step out of this door."

James tied his laces and stood up, he moved to his wife and took her by her thin shoulders, his fingers gently massaged them in an attempt to calm her down. "No one thinks that." He said softly and lifted her head so she was looking at him. "I just don't want you putting yourself at risk anymore, it was hard enough when it was just you but now we've got the little one to think of too." He rested his hand across the small swell of her stomach and felt her tense.

"I know but I hate sitting here alone and never knowing if you're going to return! I feel so impotent."

"Lily Potter, I'll always return to you." James whispered and smiled as he placed a kiss on the bridge of her nose. "No matter what happens I'll always come home."

"If you're dead you can't." Lily whispered, her green eyes widening with her fear.

"Not even death would stop me." James grinned brightly and pulled her hips into his, she wrapped her arms tightly around him and buried her face in his throat. "It'll be fine, Lily. Just remember why we're doing it and if the waiting gets too much then why don't you invite Alice Longbottom round for a chat? She's had to take early maternity leave as well."

"Ok…I suppose I don't have a choice."

James drew away and ran his thumb over her cheek bone. "I'm sorry…I wish things could be different."

"I understand, I just hate it." She smiled and pressed her lips to her husband's. "Go James, go and save the world."

James laughed and pulled away reluctantly. "I'm not going to save the world, Lily, our child will." He winked at her and moved away, he grabbed his cloak and pulled it down from its peg before swinging it over his shoulders and opening the door. "I love you both; I'll see you tomorrow for dinner."

Lily watched the door close on her husband and sat down heavily on the stairs, she buried her head in her arms and let go of her pent up emotion. She was constantly plagued by terror that James would not return one day and she would end up receiving a cold little note full of false condolences, she was afraid for herself, her baby and everyone she loved. The darkness was closing in on them all and it seemed to her as if no matter how hard she tried to hold it back it was going to roll over her and crush her.

_~Toujours pur~_

"Sirius…mmm…Sirius, I have to go…Merlin, you're making this so hard…"

"I intend on making something else hard if given half a chance." Sirius whispered seductively into Remus' ear and was rewarded by a soft moan. "Come on Moony, skip whatever it is you have to do today and spend it with me. I don't want to go home. I can't stand it there."

"I'm sorry, Padfoot." Remus pulled away from Sirius' embrace and looked into his eyes. "I have to go, Dumbledore's expecting us."

Sirius sighed in defeat. "Fine…but when you're done I'll kidnap you."

Remus smiled softly, leaving a soft kiss on Sirius' jaw. "You need to shave and you smell of sex." He whispered, earning a low rumble of satisfaction from his lover.

"Oh…oh I'm definitely kidnapping you." Sirius muttered, eyes sparkling behind the curtain of his fringe. "It'll be fun to watch James and Peter running around like headless chickens wondering what kinds of terrible torture you're going through while I tie you to my bed and-"

"Hush, Pads." Remus put his finger to Sirius' lips and smiled, they were hidden behind a large clump of bushes, the Order's Headquarters were just visible through the barbed foliage. Sirius was unable to see it but because Remus had brought him there he knew it's general location. "We'll see each other again as soon as I can get away but I don't know how long this mission will take, the Werewolves are becoming agitated and if they continue to smell humans-"

"You ARE human." Sirius said firmly and frowned irritably when Remus gave him a shake of his head.

"If I continue to go to them smelling of Wizards then they'll eventually turn on me, it won't take much for it to happen. Things are very tense." He looked away as they heard a loud greeting, by the Order's front door stood James with Peter, they were laughing about something. When he turned his attention back to Sirius he saw the longing in his eyes. Gently he put a hand on his lover's cheek and gained his attention, he sighed softly. "If we're going to keep this up it's going to have to be kept absolutely secret, do you understand me?"

Sirius nodded slowly. "I know. I'm putting you at risk by doing this but I…I just can't be apart from you, not anymore."

Slowly a frown of concern marred Remus' brow, "Sirius, do you know Occlumency?" He asked slowly and watched as Sirius flushed and looked away.

"I-er…I've always been crap at it to be honest…I've never been able to control my emotions, you know that."

Fear tugged at Remus' heart and he glanced back at the Order's hideout, he bit his bottom lip before lifting his wand. "I can't put the Order at risk." He whispered and looked into Sirius' eyes which widened and he backed off a step. "Sirius, it's fine, I won't Obliviate all your memories, just those of where we are."

Sirius looked very doubtful. "I don't want my mind tampered with."

"I can't let you go back to Voldemort with this kind of information in your head, I trust you not to say anything but what if he forces it from your mind? Think of the consequences."

"I've had my mind searched by Him before, it's like being raped! It's…it's awful! I won't let it happen again, trust me."

"I'm sorry, Padfoot." Remus said guiltily and aimed his wand.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: A little bit of smut in this one, nothing major though as I'm still hating everything smutty I attempt to write at the moment. I have no idea what's wrong with me! :( Anyway, I hope you like this latest chappy, I would really appreciate any reviews you may wish to write, thank you in advance.**

_~Always Pure~_

It was spring, the flowers were out in abundance coating the world in bright, vivid colours. The air was fresh and fragrant, heavy with the scents of new growth. Sirius stood before the huge house and squinted into the bright sunshine, the manor was quiet but he knew that within were the closest circle of Voldemort's Death Eaters and for some reason he had been invited. Slowly he lifted his wand and tapped upon the large oak door, it swung open to reveal a large, almost palatial entrance hall with a set of sweeping wooden stairs glowing with fresh polish. He stepped inside, his boots squeaking on the wooden floors, his eyes moving around warily as if he were expecting an attack any second.

"Dearest cousin, how good of you to come."

Bella's cold voice made the hairs stand up on the back of Sirius' neck, he looked at her and put away his wand. "Why did you invite me?"

"The Dark Lord has granted you the honour of sitting in on this particular meeting." Her smirk told him that this wasn't for his own benefit. "Come on in and we'll begin." She gestured towards a door leading off the entrance hall and Sirius followed her directions reluctantly, his feet dragging. The door opened seemingly of its own accord and Sirius was pushed gently into the room, he looked around as faces began turning in his direction. He spotted Lucius, for once without his wife who now had to stay at home because she was pregnant, sitting near the head of a long ornate table. At his side was Severus Snape looking surprisingly ill considering his prominent position, further down the row he saw Lestrange and his brother beside an empty seat which Bella pushed him roughly into. The head of the table was empty, Bellatrix took her place at the side of it and silence fell as everyone waited.

Another door to the left of the room opened to reveal Lord Voldemort, he swept towards his seat and sat down with all the grace of a serpent. "Now then, I am sure you are all wondering why I have called you here." He began softly, his eyes moving around the room before finally coming to rest on Sirius' face, he smirked briefly before continuing. "I have come by some rather…concerning information. Severus, if you would be so kind…" He gestured to Snape who stood up and cleared his throat.

"I was in the Hogshead pub a week ago when I overheard a conversation between Albus Dumbledore and a woman he was interviewing for the Divination teaching position." He paused and his eyes darted towards Voldemort before coming to rest upon Sirius. "At first it was all irrelevant questioning and answers until…Until the woman's voice became strange, it was rough and completely at odds with her usual tone. She said; _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…_Unfortunately I was thrown out of the pub at that moment when the owner caught me eavesdropping." Snape sat down abruptly but his eyes continued to dart in Sirius' direction.

"Thank you, Severus." The Dark Lord stood and began pacing. "This has the ring of true prophecy-"

"But my Lord, no one could have the power to destroy you!"

"I thank you Lucius, but Lord Voldemort is not one to take unnecessary risks." He continued. "A prophecy of this kind is rare but not unheard of, therefore I intend to put an end to this possible threat before it has a chance to come to be."

"How can you know who it is?" Someone Sirius didn't recognise asked.

"There are only two couples who have defied me three times…as loathe as I am to admit it. Both couples are expecting children due in the same month and both are members of the Order of the Phoenix. These are; Frank and Alice Longbottom and…" Voldemort turned crimson eyes to Sirius who felt a frozen finger run down his spine. "The Potter's." He smirked as Sirius' face went white, his eyes widened as horror filled him.

"Lily's pregnant?!" He gasped and automatically stood up, he felt a hand grab his sleeve and he was yanked roughly back into his seat.

"Indeed." Voldemort said softly. "My sources inform me that the child is a boy." Sirius looked down at his hands, his heart hammered violently in his chest and he wondered why on earth Voldemort had invited him there. "Now then, how must we decide which child poses the greater threat? Out of both sets of parents the only one's who have shown the greatest skills are the Potter's, I surmise that a child born to them would indeed be powerful enough to attempt to stop me. I cannot, unfortunately, allow this. The Potter's must die."

Sirius felt his world go grey and his nails dug deep crescents into the wood, he uttered a strangled gasping noise that made people turn in his direction. "M-My Lord…surely…there has to be another way…" He whispered desperately. "Please, you cannot seriously be considering m-murdering a-a child?"

"A child who is prophesised to overthrow me." Voldemort corrected. "I understand your reluctance, Black, but I cannot allow even the smallest threat to my plans. As for you, I cannot allow the chance that you will warn them of my plans…bring him closer."

Sirius was grabbed from both sides, he kicked out violently but felt hands tangle in his hair and his head was yanked roughly backwards. He was dragged painfully towards Lord Voldemort and thrown onto his knees before him, he lifted his head and watched as the Dark Lord lifted his wand. "I must silence you, I will ensure that that tongue does not wag too much."

The meeting was adjourned with everyone given orders to find the Potter's and give Voldemort as much information on them as possible. Sirius was left sprawled in a heap by Voldemort's chair until someone grabbed him roughly by the hair and he was pulled into a sitting position. "Ow…" He groaned and put his hands to his face.

"Well, what did you expect when you were so outspoken?"

"Snape?" Sirius looked up into Snape's pallid face.

"It's only a tongue-tie curse…" He took out a bottle of light blue potion and forced it into Sirius' shaking hands. "This will ease the effects of the Cruciatus, now get up and come with me. We need to talk."

Sirius tried several times to pull the cork from the bottle until Snape made an impatient noise and did it himself, he forced Sirius to drink every last drop before pulling him to his feet and out of the room. Sirius followed at a fast trot, curious as to why Snape had decided to help him.

"I'm not doing this because I wish to be your friend, Black. I would rather swallow live eels than attempt a friendship with you-"

"The feeling's mutual." Sirius muttered with a frown.

"I'm sure." Snape said as they stepped out into the early evening sunshine, he pulled his hood low over his eyes and continued on at his fast pace. They reached the boundaries of the house and Snape stopped before whirling on Sirius. "I know you can't talk of it but just listen; I made a horrible mistake." His said it as though he had eaten something bitter and his face twisted momentarily before smoothing out once again. "When I gave the Dark Lord the information about the prophecy I was not aware that he would target the Potter's, but he has…I will tell you now that Dumbledore is fully aware of what the Dark Lord is planning and has begun to put in place safe guards. He has given me his word that he will protect them." Sirius raised an eyebrow curiously but was, unfortunately, unable to speak. "They are probably going to put them in hiding, the Fidelius Charm…It is what I would do." He paused, obviously agitated as his eyes darted nervously around. They were hidden by huge bushes on either side of them and their voices muffled by a charm Snape had cast before stopping. "I understand that working together will be…difficult." He sneered in obvious disgust that he was being forced to attempt to work with his long-time enemy. "But needs must and we share similar goals. Will you help me protect the Potters?"

Sirius frowned suspiciously before slowly nodding. He felt Snape relaxing visibly and he turned away. "Then I shall see you again when I have gained more information. Oh, and Black?" He turned his head and glared at Sirius. "If you dare betray any of this to the Dark Lord I will hunt you down and kill you myself, I will not accept accidents as an excuse."

_~Toujours Pur~_

Dumbledore looked gravely across the kitchen table at the couple, they shared an uneasy glance and their hands clasped as they returned their attention to the Headmaster. "I have some rather grave news." He began slowly. "A reliable source has informed me that Voldemort intends to hunt you down and murder you all."

Lily's fingers tightened convulsively on James', her free hand covered her bulging stomach protectively. "E-Even Harry?" She asked in a tiny voice.

"Even Harry." Dumbledore replied sadly. "However, all is not lost." He smiled reassuringly. "We have been given ample time to whisk you all away and place you in a secure hiding place."

"Where?" James asked.

"A rather lovely little village called Godric's Hollow, it is a mostly Wizarding village and the neighbours are very friendly. I suspect you will like it very much."

Lily nodded stiffly and leaned forward with difficulty. "What then? How can we protect ourselves after we've moved? If Voldemort is aware of the child then he would surely not find it impossible to discover where you've hidden us."

"I would suggest that you use the Fidelius Charm."

James looked at Lily and smiled softly. "Don't worry, I'm sure it'll work." Lily could only nod, she felt sick with the thought that there was now a mad man targeting them specifically, a mad man who would happily murder an unborn child. James returned his attention back to Dumbledore. "Ok, so we disappear and use the Fidelius Charm…who would be our secret keeper?"

"I offer you my services, if that's what you wish." Dumbledore replied.

"That's very kind of you, Albus but I think we'll find someone on our own. You have so much to worry about as it is, and you're Secret Keeper for the Order, I don't want to overburden you." Lily said to her husband's nods.

"If that's what you want, I will leave it up to you to decide while I make immediate arrangements for your relocation. I must go now, good day." He nodded his head in farewell and Lily stood to see him to the door, when she returned she sat down awkwardly at James' side again.

"Who can we use for Secret Keeper?" James asked heavily.

"Well, what about Remus?" Lily suggested.

"I dunno, he's got a lot of stuff on his plate already. I wouldn't want to put this burden on his shoulders on top of all that, also he's working far too closely with the enemy. It would only out us that much closer to danger, what if he was caught and tortured? No. Someone else would be better…" James frowned thoughtfully. "I would have gone straight to Sirius, he would never betray us. He'd die…I know he would but…but he's working for the other side now and he's too close to the enemy."

Lily sighed sadly. "I know you miss him." She whispered softly.

"He was like my brother." James muttered. "You know, that only leaves one person who I would trust to become Secret Keeper." He said slowly and met Lily's eyes. "What about Peter?"

_~Toujours Pur~_

The alley was dark as Sirius ran down it, he could still hear spells being fired and felt one tug at a lock of his hair as he dived around the corner. He paused, panting heavily as he tried to look for an escape route, he was at a dead end. He swore violently and looked up, hoping to see a fire escape or something but was disappointed. He heard hurried footsteps as someone followed him, he spun around and lifted his wand only to find himself face to face with Remus. "It's me!" Remus gasped, holding up his hands and Sirius relaxed instantly, he ran forward and shoved Remus roughly into the wall, their lips met in a breathless kiss. When Sirius pulled away he smiled into his lovers eyes. "Hi." He breathed and Remus returned his smile.

"This is suicide, if we're caught-"

"We won't be, I think I can hear them going in the opposite direction." Slowly he ran his tongue up Remus' neck and elicited a soft groan from him. "Mm, stop it…Please, Sirius, we can't do this here."

"Why not? I'm busy tonight, I have to do some crappy recon stuff. We're supposed to be watching Frank and Alice Longbottom in case they know where James and Lily are hiding…" He felt a finger pressed to his lips and looked up into Remus' eyes.

"Why did you just tell me that?" He breathed.

"I…" Sirius flushed guiltily. "Shit." He muttered and pressed his forehead into his lover's chest. "I'm an idiot."

"Yes, yes you are. I can assure you that Alice and Frank have no idea where Lily and James are hiding."

"Telling me that won't do me any good, I still have to pretend I think they do."

"True, so long as it really is only recon…?" Remus trailed off doubtfully, too afraid to finish his sentence.

"I think so, I haven't been told otherwise." Sirius tried to kiss him again but Remus pushed him away gently.

"What…what would you do if it's not? What if you've got to capture and torture them?"

Sirius heard the tightness in Remus' voice and sighed heavily. "I have no choice, I have to do as I'm told. I-I'm sorry." Remus tensed under his grip.

"What if they told you to kill me?" Remus asked, lifting Sirius' head with a finger under his chin so he could look into his eyes.

Sirius smiled. "They would never ask that of me." He replied and kissed Remus gently.

Slowly realisation dawned on him, Remus stepped away from his lover and gazed at him. "It's me, isn't it? You're protecting _me_."

"Well, it was supposed to be James and Lily as well but…but-" He felt the awful sensation of his tongue curling in on itself and winced, finally it returned to normal again and he was able to speak. "For certain reasons I can't discuss that part of the deal was nullified."

"Why?! Why would you do this to yourself? I've been wondering why the Death Eater's never target me! I've been terrified that they know about my meetings with the Werewolves and that they think I've actually joined them! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because there wasn't any need for you to know." Sirius replied quietly. "Remus, I would die for you and James. This is nothing, trust me. So long as you're alive I know I can live on and do whatever the Dark Lord asks of me, as long as I know that somewhere in the world you're breathing and happy I can sleep a little easier. Don't you understand yet? I love you! I've loved you since the first time we kissed! I've loved you for years! Doesn't that mean anything?"

"But it's killing you." Remus whispered, moving close to Sirius and pushing his fingers deep into his hair. "I can see it in your eyes…and…and when this war is over, no matter what side wins you will either end up in prison or dead. Do you really think I could live with myself if that happened?"

"You could and you would." Sirius replied, his fingers wrapping themselves around Remus' wrist. "I know you, you're the consummate survivor." He smiled affectionately. "You'd continue on because you'd have James and Lily and their baby at your side, you'd have a duty to help and protect them. Remus, I know you. I know that you could live happily without me, but for me…for me you're all I have. James has Lily, you have them and they have their baby, I have no one. I have only you to live for and if I have to destroy myself to do it then I will and I will smile about it because every day I know that you're alive, that your heart's still beating."

"Sirius…" Remus sighed softly and pulled his lover into a deep, probing kiss. "Don't do this. Come over to our side, come back to me. I can't take all this secrecy, it's killing me. I hate looking into Dumbledore's eyes every day knowing that I'm betraying him, I can't stand the knowledge that he's trusting me and I'm lying to him! And James…James misses you. He keeps talking about you, wondering what you're doing and I can't even tell _him_!"

"If I go over to your side, you'll be murdered. I couldn't live with myself if that happened." Sirius replied sadly. "If I went over I'd be thrown to the Dementors, would you really want to see me in prison? I'd never survive Azkaban, not with the things I've done."

Remus fell silent and leaned heavily against the wall at his back. "I wish things could have been different." He breathed as Sirius moved close and began nipping at his exposed throat, he let heat wash through his body and he shivered in delight.

"So do I. I wish it every day I'm away from you." Sirius growled in response and abruptly dropped to his knees, Remus' eyes widened in surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"Hush, just relax." Sirius breathed with a playful smirk, his fingers pulled down Remus' fly and then moved to the waist band of his trousers, Remus' robes fell open and he watched in numb fascination as Sirius pushed his hand inside his underwear.

"S-Sirius…ah…W-we're supposed to be in the middle of a-a battle…" Remus pushed his fingers into Sirius' hair and tugged on it in a poor attempt to get him to stop the gentle, rhythmic suction he was applying to his erection. Sirius pulled away briefly and looked up with a devilish glitter in his eyes.

"All the more reason for me to continue." He breathed and ran his tongue over the tip, Remus' knees threatened to throw him to the floor but he held himself upright and bit down hard on his bottom lip as his head tipped back against the wall.

_~Always Pure~_

James ran down the road, leaving the battle behind as he went in search of Remus. He had long ago disappeared and he had seen him go around the corner but now could find no sign of him. He frowned and slowed to a trot, the fight had petered out with the capture of a couple of Death Eater's and the rest managing to flee. He paused and cocked his head to the side as he heard strange noises coming from the alley way just ahead of him, he frowned and moved quietly closer, each step drowned out by the noise of the traffic. He pressed his back against the wall and peered cautiously around the corner, his eyes widened in his face and his jaw slackened in shock.

Sirius was on his knees before Remus who had both hands plunged deep into his hair, he was moaning and hissing through his teeth and seemed oblivious to his surroundings. James pulled his head back and bit down on his bottom lip, his cheeks felt hot and he felt a little queasy, he had never wanted to witness his friends actually getting it on, even if he did accept it. He had had no idea that Remus had contact with Sirius and he felt a rush of hurt that he had been lied to all these years, he could understand why he had lied but it stung none the less.

Slowly James backed away, he smiled to himself as the shock of the scene wore off and he finally turned back to where they had been fighting. Remus was safe, that was all that mattered.


	20. Chapter 20

_~Always Pure~_

Sirius knelt at his master's feet, watching him pace up and down before him from beneath his fringe. Voldemort paused and pointed his wand between Sirius' eyes. "Give me one good reason why I should not kill you right here." He said softly, his fury almost palpable.

"I can't, My Lord. You must do as you see fit." Sirius replied, lowering his head and closing his eyes.

"Death does not scare you?"

"It scares me as much as it does anyone, My Lord."

Voldemort considered him for a moment. "It is such a shame that you turned out to be so disloyal, I am sure that you could be so much more useful…" He paused and smiled. "And I suspect that you still could be, tell me, Sirius Black; are you in contact with the Werewolf?"

Sirius froze, his fingers tightening on the fabric of his robes as he averted his eyes. "M-My Lord I-"

"Do not worry, I have my answer." Voldemort resumed his pacing, his robes flying out behind him majestically. "If only I could trust you enough to use you to your full potential. You are in the perfect position to be used as a spy, someone who would be able to worm his way deep into their ranks. So many of them trust you, especially that Werewolf of yours." Sirius remained silent as he followed the Dark Lord with his eyes, he had no idea where the conversation was going and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to find out. Abruptly Voldemort stopped before Sirius who slowly looked up. "Not to worry I have found another who is perfectly suited to that job, I have no need of a second. Frank and Alice Longbottom have no idea of the Potter's whereabouts, you say?"

"Yes My Lord." Sirius said, jumping on the change of topic eagerly. "I heard it from…from the Werewolf."

"Of course you did, and you are absolutely certain that he was not lying to you?"

"He wouldn't." Sirius said with utter certainty. "I trust him with every ounce of my being."

"Then you are a fool. My source has told me that the Longbottom's are fully aware of where the Potter's have been hidden, in fact they were overheard discussing it by my faithful servant."

Sirius felt as if the earth had dropped from beneath his feet, he gaped up at Voldemort, feeling like a fish out of water. "I-It can't be true! It…it has to be false information!"

"The Werewolf has much more sense than I have given him credit for, he was right not to place his trust in you." Voldemort smirked down at Sirius as he bowed his head, unable to look into those smug eyes. "You were perfectly happy to give up Longbottom and his pregnant wife if it meant that your friends could live, I am sure your friend will not be pleased to hear when I have them tortured."

Sirius lifted his eyes, forcing himself to meet the Dark Lord with some semblance of dignity. "I didn't betray them." He said softly, defiance clear in his voice. "You stole the information from my mind."

"Ah, sometimes truth can be twisted to one's advantage." Voldemort replied softly as he ran long, pale fingers down the length of his wand. "Once I have leaked the tale that you gave me information on the Longbottom's your little friend will never want to see you again."

Sirius went pale, he swallowed as a hard lump grew in his throat before he bared his teeth furiously. "You'll never get away with this!" He growled. "You'll die! You'll be defeated! The Order and the Light will win! I hope that when that day comes you regret everything in your final moments!"

"You dare threaten Lord Voldemort?" The Dark Lord hissed softly, his wand lifting until it pointed directly at Sirius' heart. "Do you have a death wish?"

Sirius' shoulder's straightened even as fear twisted his stomach into knots. "Perhaps I do." He breathed. "Maybe it would have been better if you had killed me the moment Bellatrix offered you my soul."

"Lord Voldemort is merciful but I would advise you not to push your luck." Voldemort lowered his wand and turned away for a moment. "You may still be of some use, if only as a scapegoat…but if you continue to speak to me in such a fashion I will have no qualms about ending your pathetic life. I have no need of Bloodtraitors who refuse to do as they're told. Perhaps yet another dose of pain will remind you who is in charge?" He turned and with movements faster than a striking snake hit Sirius with crimson agony.

_~Always Pure~_

"He's going to pin the Longbottom's disappearance on me!" Sirius gasped and buried his face in his hands, he was still shaking violently from head to foot from the after affects of the curses Voldemort had thrown at him.

"I cannot say that I am unsurprised." Snape replied coldly as he yanked Sirius' hands away from his face, he pushed his head to the side to reveal the large cut that ran down his chin and throat. "I can heal it but it will most likely scar." He said and lifted his wand; Sirius winced as a weird, tingling sensation rippled across his flesh as the wound healed itself. "Now then, get out of my house." He said as he stood up from where he had been crouched by Sirius' side, he turned his back and moved towards a glass fronted cabinet that held several dusty crystal decanters and two tumblers.

"Wait…aren't you going to help me? I need to find a way to get out of this…I need to be able to prove my innocence! If the Dark Lord is defeated I-I'll end up in Azkaban for certain!"

"And?" Severus turned and lifted an eyebrow, his face was the perfect mask of indifference.

"And…well…I…" Sirius sighed heavily and stood up on unstable legs, he stumbled a little and put a hand to his head as the world swam before his eyes. "Ugh…" He blinked away the worst of the greyness before attempting to move towards the door of Snape's living room. "Fuck…" He felt his knees give way and he fell to the floor, his face hit the carpet and caused agony to explode through his nose.

"Most interesting, I have not yet witnessed the effects of such an intense bout of Cruciatus before. You make an excellent guinea pig it seems."

"Fuck off…Snape…" Sirius mumbled from the floor as he forced himself onto all fours, he managed to reach his knees as the world see-sawed around him and his stomach did sickening somersaults.

Snape's face twisted before he sighed heavily and pointed his wand in the direction of his pantry, through the open door a potion bottle came whizzing towards his open hand. He caught it smoothly and put the bottle on the floor before Sirius who grabbed it eagerly. "I would hate to watch you vomit on my floor, do be careful and drink that slowly. Then you can get out of my house."

Sirius downed the contents in one swift draft and gasped in a breath, he hung his head as he felt the awful tingling sensation in the tips of his fingers and toes slowly fading. "Thank Merlin." He breathed in relief.

"I do not have any sympathy for your dilemma." Snape said softly from the shadows. "My only concern is the fate of the Potters, we are only working together to ensure that they live. I do not care about you or your pathetic problems, would you not die to protect your friend?"

"Of course I would!" Sirius snapped in reply, turning to glare furiously at Snape. "What do you take me for? I didn't go through all this for nothing. I joined the Death Eater's with the sole purpose of ensuring my friends lived."

"Then why do you care what rumours the Dark Lord spreads?"

"Because it would mean that Remus...a-and James would never speak to me again! I'd be sent to Azkaban without even the love of my friends! I…I would die alone a-and un-mourned! I can't do it. I won't." His eyes flicked away from Snape's and he understood that Sirius wasn't speaking the whole truth.

"I would suggest you become used to the idea of being hated, Black. It is something that comes from willingly taking the Dark Mark…it is like a curse, one that will eventually destroy you from the inside out."

Their eyes met and the silence was heavy with unspoken understanding, Sirius stood up after breaking the eye contact and strode towards Snape's door. "Contact me if there's any news." He said quietly before leaving the house.

_~Toujours Pur~_

"Alice and Frank have disappeared." Remus said softly, his eyes on the rug as he absently turned the mug of tea in his hands around and around.

"What?" James looked up, startled from his silent contemplation of the Daily Prophet.

"Dumbledore said that the Death Eater's thought they knew where you're hiding." He winced as James groaned. "I'm sorry, I thought you should know."

"Merlin, I hope they're alright. Alice is heavily pregnant."

"I…" Remus paused and sighed, he put down his mug and pushed his hands into his hair. "It's all my fault."

"Don't be stupid." James said with a shake of his head. "How can it be your fault?"

"Because…because I lied. I've been lying to everyone." He took a shaky breath and felt James' eyes boring holes into him. "I've been meeting up with Sirius, we've been…been having a secret affair. I…I assumed it was ok, I thought…I trusted him."

"You told him that Frank and Alice knew about us?" James asked, astounded.

"No! No of course I didn't. I trusted him but I didn't trust Voldemort to not read his mind…It turns out that Sirius worked out I was lying, he was the one who…who kidnapped them."

"No." James shook his head almost violently. "Impossible."

Remus looked up and gave James a sad but slightly patronising look. "James, we have to accept that Sirius has been so deeply embroiled in the Dark Arts that it has corrupted him. He's always been unstable, unable to control his emotions…particularly his anger. Maybe…maybe it's time we realised that he's not the boy we used to know, maybe it's time we accepted that he's truly a Death Eater."

James' eyes hardened in determination. "I won't believe it until I see it for myself. Remus, Alice and Frank can't tell them where we are, because they're not our Secret Keepers, I'm sure Sirius would have been intelligent enough to work this out for himself. Why would he kidnap people who he knew would be physically unable to give him information? Why would he put an unborn child at risk like that? I know Sirius, and so should you. I think that maybe these rumours have been spread by someone else, perhaps someone who doesn't like Sirius or…or maybe Voldemort himself as some kind of sick punishment."

"James, he doesn't know we're using the Fidelius Charm! No one does! As far as Sirius is concerned Alice and Frank will be able to give him what he wants."

"I'm sorry Remus, I will never, ever distrust my friends without absolute proof. Sirius would never do something so evil, he would never hurt a child."

"But he's perfectly happy to go about murdering innocent people, torturing them into insanity and tearing apart families; all the time using the excuse that he's acting on orders!" Remus felt searing anger flash through him and was forced to take a calming breath, Sirius' betrayal hurt worse than anything he could imagine. It was as if someone had reached deep into his chest and ripped out his heart. "A man who is so deep in the Dark Arts is capable of anything, you need to accept that."

James' eyes moved to a set of old photographs that sat on a shelf in the living room, he stood up and went over to them and picked one up. It showed himself, Remus, Sirius and Peter all standing in a group and hugging. James was in the middle, wearing the gold and crimson of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, he was holding a great big silver cup in one hand while the other was wrapped firmly around Sirius' shoulders. Both of them had massive grins on their faces, their foreheads were pressed against each other and he could hear the remembered roar of the crowds. He turned around and held out the picture to Remus who took it automatically. "Do you remember that?"

"Of course I do, it was the first time you won the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor in third year."

"Yes. Do you remember what Sirius was like back then? All the times he would take a Slytherin curse for one of us, every time he planned a prank in revenge if someone dared to insult any of us? The boy in that picture would die before hurting any of us, even if it's by hurting our friends."

Remus gazed down at the picture sadly, he ran a finger down Sirius' laughing face slowly as he allowed himself a small, nostalgic smile. Finally he looked back up at James. "But Prongs, Sirius is no longer the man we knew back then. Trust me, I've seen it. He's changed in some fundamental way that not even I can put finger on, he's much more dangerous, almost out of control. It was he who approached me and began our secret meetings, it was him who…who seduced me and made ignore my instincts in favour of keeping him by my side." He sighed heavily and stood up, replacing the picture back on its shelf. "I'm just too weak, James. I couldn't say no to him…I never could."

"Remus, if we can't trust in our friends, what is the point in continuing?" James asked softly, taking his friends arm in his hand and forcing him to turn to face him. "We have to trust each other or Voldemort's already won."

Remus looked away, gazing down at a spot on the carpet with a small frown. "I can't do it. I can't take the risk…I…I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because I was stupid and let something slip to him. I'm sorry, I can't trust him anymore." He pulled away and moved towards the door. "I'll let myself out, Thanks for the tea." He left and James stood there, gazing at the door before turning his eyes back to the photograph.

"Sirius, what are you doing? Why won't you come back to us?" He whispered into the quiet house.

_~Always Pure~_

"Mother, I'm back!" Sirius called through the house as he hung up his jacket and limped towards the stairs. His hand touched the banister as he heard the now familiar sound of sobbing coming from somewhere above him. With a heavy sigh he began trudging up the stairs, wincing each time he was forced to put weight on his leg. Somehow it had been hit by a stray spell when he had been attacked by members of the Order of the Phoenix for the millionth time. It was becoming increasingly dangerous to leave his house. It had been months since he had discovered Voldemort's plan to use him as a Scapegoat and distraction, and it was working marvellously, much to Sirius' continued irritation. Snape had heard nothing from Dumbledore, or so he said and so they could only wait. He reached the first floor landing and continued on upwards, he knew where she would be, she was always in there these days. He reached his brother's bedroom door and pushed it open, he looked around and spotted his mother on her knees before Regulus' wardrobe and clutching one of his baby outfits close to her chest. He sighed and stepped into the room, his foot landing on a particularly creaky floorboard.

Walburga spun around, here eyes wide in her white face and tears streaking her pink cheeks. She uttered a strange gasping noise before launching herself at her eldest son, she knocked him off his feet and wrapped both arms around his neck. He felt her sobbing into his shirt and felt a violent surge of revulsion before he squashed it. "Oh! Oh my dear boy! I knew you would come back! I always had faith. I knew you weren't dead, no matter how many times your filthy brother tried to tell me you were! I'm so glad to see you! Where have you been all this time? Why didn't you let me know you were safe? Oh Regulus, I love you so much my dear, sweet boy."

"M-Mother…" Sirius said roughly and pushed her away from him a little harder than was probably appropriate, she gasped in shock as he backside hit the floor and stared at Sirius with huge, watery eyes.

"Why? Why would you push me away? Are you hurt? Have you been fighting with your brother again? If so I will punish him! I will lock him up in the cellar and he can starve there for all I care, no one hurts my baby!"

"Mum, it's me! It's Sirius!" Sirius shouted over her loud ramblings. He was used to her mistaking his identity by now, she had done each time he came home since Regulus' death.

"S-Sirius?" Walburga whispered, a small frown creasing her brows. "You!" She screamed, lifting a finger and pointing at him accusingly. "You did this! I know you did! You drove your brother away! You made him disappear! Bring him back! Give my baby back to me!" She lunged forward but Sirius stood up and backed away from her grasping hands, with a scream that sounded as if it had torn her throat she fell forward and began sobbing into her arms, her robes splayed about her like a black sea. Sirius stared at her coldly for a long time before turning away and leaving her to it, he stepped into the hall and summoned Kreacher, when the little elf appeared he bowed low but Sirius saw the hatred in his eyes. "Kreacher, get mother some Dreamless Sleep and a draft of calming potion…she'll wake the whole neighbourhood." Sirius ordered dismissively and Kreacher bowed again.

"Yes Master." He croaked and disappeared.

Sirius looked back once to see his mother still screaming and weeping loudly before he went into his bedroom and cast a silencing charm to shut out her incessant noise. He sat down on his bed and put his head in hands.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: I do hope people are still enjoying this story, please feel free to let me know how it's going. :) **

_~Toujours Pur~_

"They escaped?" Sirius looked up at Snape from where he had been staring at his shaking hands.

"Indeed. Someone told the Order where we were hiding them…" He paused briefly and Sirius would almost see the smug satisfaction on his face before he continued. "It is an unfortunate incident. They were both relatively unharmed and now have a perfectly healthy baby boy."

"Good…that's good…" Sirius muttered, his eyes moving back to his hands as they trembled violently. He clenched them into fists before putting his head in them.

"You do not sound very pleased." Snape observed coldly, he had noticed how Sirius had been slowly falling apart since he had been blamed for the capture of the Longbottom's who were well loved and respected by the Order and Wizarding community at large. He had been attacked on a regular basis, the Order intent on capturing him and getting the location of the Longbottom's from him, he was a mess. His hair was getting long and unkempt, his eyes were dark and no longer held any vestige of the previous steely glitter. Snape was coldly fascinated at what continued hatred could do to a person who was so used to being loved by others, although he was fully aware that Sirius had had a tense relationship with his family he knew that he had always been able to find solace in his friends, but now he was alone. Alone and forever tainted in their eyes.

"I am, I just…I…" Sirius sighed heavily and stood up. "It doesn't matter. I'll get out of your hair now." He said and moved towards the door, Snape watched him go and wondered how much longer Black would be able to continue before succumbing to the pressure's building up on his shoulders. When Sirius had left Snape shrugged and walked towards his kitchen, a cup of strong tea was in order and perhaps he would finally be able to get some sleep knowing that Lily was safe and under the protection of Dumbledore.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius stood in the street, his fur soaking up the rain as he awaited some sign of movement from his target. He was supposed to be watching members of the Order and, as a sick joke, he had been assigned to watching Peter. He hid in the shadows, only his eyes moving restlessly as he fought the urge to stand up and shake off the water that fell in a steady drip onto his head. A car passed, spraying water over the pavement in a huge wave, Sirius stood up and retreated further back to avoid getting even wetter. In typical English fashion, the weather was playing games with the human's, it had decided to rain continuously for four days straight and the roads now resembled rivers. A soft whine escaped the massive black dog as he waited for his target to emerge from the small café across the road, Padfoot's silver eyes gleamed in the shadows.

Finally Peter emerged but Sirius was shocked to see that someone was with him, the man wore a coat with a hood that was pulled down low over his eyes. Sirius got up and began padding silently after them, ensuring he remained a safe distance away so that he wasn't spotted. He drew close enough to overhear their whispered conversation, he was immensely glad that he had the acute hearing of the dog.

"He has asked that you attend him as soon as possible." The man Sirius didn't recognise hissed from within the deep shadows of his hood.

"It's not easy to find the time to get away." Peter replied in an equally quiet voice, Sirius could hear the note of fear and it made his hackles rise.

"It wasn't a request, Pettigrew. He has demanded to know the secret you possess. If you don't go to him he will come to you. You promised to give him something in return for his protection, you must now hold up your part of the bargain."

"I know. I was just waiting for a time when I wasn't busy…"

"He won't accept any pathetic excuses, you made a vow, Pettigrew."

Peter glanced away, causing Padfoot to linger behind some overflowing bins. When he was certain Peter's attention had moved on he continued to follow. "I can't just disappear! If I do they'll know and I can't take that risk. I need more time…"

"The child is a year old, how much longer do you need?" The other person hissed irritably.

Sirius' ears perked up, he began to get an inkling as to what was going on and the thoughts that were running through his head made his lips peel back from his long, dagger-like teeth. A low, formidable growl rumbled through his chest as a car passed, luckily masking the noise as the two men turned a corner and disappeared from Sirius' sight. He ran forward and caught up to them just as they hovered outside a small house. "Tell him I'll come to him. I don't want him anywhere near my mother…she's…she's delicate enough without that." Peter fidgeted with his robes and his eyes darted around nervously.

"As Secret Keeper only you can give him the information he craves. Do not attempt to back out now, he will know and you will be punished. His protection and patience only stretches so far."

"I said I would come, didn't I? I have to go in case someone comes…" Peter moved towards the door and the other man dissaparated with a loud pop.

Sirius watched the door of the little house close, the rain continued to fall but he could no longer feel it as red fury heated his veins. He growled again, his teeth flashing in the growing gloom. He suddenly knew what he had to do, he didn't like it but what choice did he have? He turned, tail flicking as he bounded away from Peter's house, water spraying from his paws and fur as he ran.

_~Always Pure~_

It was night time, the sky clear and the air cold as Sirius stood under the cover of trees in a deserted park. He shivered and wrapped his cloak closer around his body, he waited as hope and terror made war within him. Finally he heard someone walking towards him, he backed further into shadows and lifted his wand, the wind picked up and lifted his hair from his face as he spotted the familiar tall, cloaked figure. "You wished to see me, Sirius Black." Dumbledore said softly as he lowered his hood, he gazed at Sirius with those penetrating blue eyes.

"Dumbledore…" Sirius whispered and lowered his wand.

"Why have you called me here? The only reason I came was because you said you had information in regards to someone I am protecting, I assumed you mean the Potters?"

Sirius nodded, he was unable to speak of it so it was all he could do. After a second of attempting to sort out what he was going to say he took a breath. "There's a spy amongst you." He whispered hoarsely.

"Of that I am fully aware." Dumbledore replied calmly. "I assume you did not bring me here to inform me of things I already know about."

"This spy…it's Peter. Peter Pettigrew." He said finally, forcing the words out through clenched teeth. He felt anger rise like bile in his throat, his lips peeled back from his teeth in a dog-like snarl and a low growl of fury escaped him. "Peter's been spying for the Dark Lord, I don't know for how long but I was tasked to watch him for any signs of unsual behavoir…he met up with another Death Eater and I overheard them talking of-of-" He felt his tongue curl up and stick to the roof of his mouth, he choked and gagged a little before shaking his head. "Of thing's I've been forbidden to talk about." His eyes widened as he sought desperately to tell Dumbledore everything without speaking, the old Headmaster gazed at him for a long moment in silence before nodding slowly.

"I see. Has he given his information to Voldemort?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen or heard from anyone since I was tailing him. Please, Dumbledore, I'm begging you…protect them! You have to stop them from being murdered!" His voice took on a desperate, pleading note and Dumbledore nodded in understanding.

"I will do my utmost to ensure that the Potter's remain unharmed, I promise." He assured the distraught young man before him, he watched as Sirius relaxed visibly and slumped against the tree at his back. "I will also offer you what little protection I can afford to give you, you do not need to return to Voldemort's side. He will know what you have done the moment I ruin his plans and Peter is apprehended, he will kill you."

"I-I know." Sirius replied and pushed hair from his eyes. "I know what I've done and I'm going to face the consequences. I'm sorry, I can't go back…There's too much I have to atone for."

"You cannot atone for your sins by dying, Sirius. Dying is easy, it is living that is hard, especially when one has committed crimes such as yours. You need to live and spend every waking moment making up for what you have done, you need to devote the rest of your life to those who you have hurt. I can help you, dear boy, all I need is for you to come with me."

An agonised expression crossed Sirius' face, one that made him look like a child. His mask cracked and broke open to reveal his vulnerability and Dumbledore sighed softly. "I can't. I'm sorry. There's…too much history, too much that I've broken and destroyed. It'll never be fixed. It's impossible. He'll never forgive me…"

"Sirius, whatever it is you have done I am certain that, given time, Remus would learn to forgive you. Love is the most powerful force in all the world, it is a more pure magic than anything that can be taught or cast by wand or potion. Love can conquer all and in time it may even heal both of your wounds, no matter how deeply you are hurt. I am sure that when he hears of what you have done here tonight he will realise that you are not the traitor he thought you were."

Sirius was shaking his head rapidly, he had backed away a few steps so that shadows hid most of his face. "Everything I touch is destroyed." He whispered roughly, his voice broken and harsh in his throat. "My hands are so soaked in blood that it'd be the biggest sin to touch him, I wouldn't taint him like that. No. I'm beyond help Dumbledore…You know I am. And even if I did come to you, I'd just be thrown into prison…I'm not going to Azkaban. I'll die before that happens."

"I may be able to prevent such a fate, or at least make the time that you spend there as short as possible. Do not be so quick to throw away your life, you can do so much more if you live."

"Just…just do me one favour?" Sirius dipped his hand into his pocket and withdrew a crumpled piece of parchment. "C-Can you…can you give Remus this? I-I…I just want him to know…" His voice trailed off into silence before he sighed heavily and handed the parchment note to Dumbledore. "I hope you do manage to save James and Lily." Sirius whispered and smiled softly. "I reckon any kid of theirs is going to be the best thing to ever set foot in Hogwarts. Goodbye, Dumbledore." He backed away again before lifting his wand and dissapperating with a pop.

Albus watched the spot from which Sirius had disappeared before sighing sadly, he looked down at the note in his hand and saw a rather smudged name on it in Sirius' elegant handwriting. He put it carefully into a pocket inside his robes before spinning into darkness in utter silence.

_~Always Pure~_

Remus sat in his room holding the battered looking piece of parchment in a tight fist, he had yet to read it but he was too afraid of what it would say. He had come back from one of his many missions to the Werewolves to find that Dumbledore had called an emergency meeting, he had explained that there was a spy amongst them and that he had had contact with Sirius Black. At his name Remus' heart had stuttered in his chest, his hands had clenched into fists as Dumbledore' bright eyes had landed on him. They had been told that the spy was now on the run and that he had already endangered James and Lily, they had to be moved as soon as possible and with as little fuss as possible so as to avoid alerting Voldemort. They would be moving them on Halloween, when they could hopefully disguise the move under the veil of Muggle's who would also be about in the streets at that time. Remus looked back down at the letter and with hands shaking almost too violently he opened it.

_Remus, I'm sat here with the intent of writing to you but now I've got quill to parchment I'm at a loss for words. There are so many things I want to say but I don't know how to write them. I suppose that by now you'll be fully aware of what I've done; in that case you'll also understand that I probably won't live for much longer. I admit, I have every intention of attempting to run but I highly doubt I'll get very far. I suppose even the Hogwarts sorting hat can make mistakes…I'm a coward. Such a pathetic coward. I don't even have the guts to say any of this to your face, I'm afraid that if I see you I'll just fall apart. If I have to see you again I'll lose the will to stay away from you and I can't do that, I'm going to be hunted, if not by the Dark Lord himself then by my cousin Bella. She'll want my head when she discovers what I've done and trust me when I say that she will also kill anyone who is in the near vicinity along with me. You won't be safe until I'm dead and your safety is the only thing that matters to me now. I don't know why I'm writing all this down, you probably won't even read it but I suppose I'm allowed to hope, right? Merlin, I can't sleep without the memory of you. You haunt me like a persistent ghost and every night I wake up and reach out for you, forgetting that you're not there. It's so cold without you, I'm sick of living my life so far away from you. It kills me to think that you'll hate me, even after I'm dead and gone. I suppose I only wanted you to know the truth; everything I did, every mistake I made, every path I took, I did it all in the hopes that it would ensure your survival. I wanted to give you my heart but seeing as that is impossible I'll give you your life instead. I don't want you to feel guilty, none of this is your fault. I chose to follow the path I did, I chose to learn Dark Magic and turn my back on all that you stood for. I only want you to understand that I did it all for you. I love you Remus Lupin, you will forever be the one who holds my heart. Everything I am, everything I was, belongs to you. My soul, my heart, my body…it's yours. It's all yours. Do with it what you will, I don't care. _

_I sound like an idiot but I think I needed to get that off my chest. Just remember, no matter what happens to me from now on; you're the moon that lit up my darkness._

Remus' hand crumpled the note up in one sweaty palm, he swallowed a large lump that had appeared in his throat as he stood up on shaking legs. He dived out of his bedroom door and ran down the stairs, he ignored his father's concerned call and grabbed a cloak from the coat hanger by the door before flinging it over his shoulders. "I'm going out!" He called before yanking the door open onto the cold night and running into the street, he closed his eyes and concentrated with all his being on his destination.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: A very, very long chapter this time! :O I am surprised at myself. I do hope you enjoy it, however I must warn you that I have slipped in a little Canon…hope you don't mind. **

_~Always Pure~_

The little village was full of chattering, excited children. They ran around, knocking on doors and filling little plastic buckets up with sweets. Parents watched the younger children from a little distance with nostalgic smiles, the children wore brightly painted masks depicting spirits, demons, witches and wizards. Sirius took all this in with one sweep of his eyes, his own face was hidden behind his Death Eater mask to disguise himself and blend in with the muggle's. Children gawked at him and giggled, pointing at his 'costume' and whispering to their friends and parents. Sirius smiled a little behind his mask, it was all so perfectly innocent he felt a brutal wave of longing to swap places with them. He wanted nothing more than to go back to being a child and once again view the world with awe and excitement, he wished that he could go back to Hogwarts and see the massive pumpkins lining the Great Hall, to laugh as James had juice poured over his head by Lily and to secretly hold hands with Remus under the table. With a sigh that was heavy with sadness he walked on, his eyes scanning the houses as he passed them. He had spent the last few days in hiding, disguised as a stray dog and had picked up enough information to hunt down Peter, he had found him closeted away in a little shack somewhere up north and he had kept watch until he had been visited by another Death Eater. It had been so easy to listen in on Peter's confession, he had spoken the name of the place the Potter's were being hidden. _Godric's Hollow_, of course, it had made a lot of sense. Sirius knew that Dumbledore had once, long ago, resided here, he had heard it from a distant family member. He was also aware that it was the birthplace of Godric Gryffindor and that Bathilda Bagshot lived nearby. But he wasn't there as a tourist, he was there for a serious purpose. The Order were supposed to be moving the Potter's at Midnight but Sirius had heard that the Dark Lord's plans would take place before they had a chance. Slowly he crossed the little village square, passing a war memorial as he went. The pub doors opened and closed as adult muggle's came and went, Sirius focussed on his destination and took a side-street that led out of the village.

He reached a quaint little house with a thatched roof, its curtains were open to reveal a living room with comfy looking arm chairs. His heart clenched painfully as he saw James enter the room, he grabbed something off of the shelves and put it into a bag before straightening and gazing around the room wistfully. Sirius took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder nervously, he pushed open the gate and stepped through, removing his mask as he went.

_~Always Pure~_

"James? Have you seen Harry's cup?" Lily called from the kitchen, he could hear Harry making rather a lot of noise as he threw his dinner around joyfully.

"It's on the side by the kettle!" He replied as he moved through the living room, packing what he thought they might need.

"Ah! Found it!"

"Ooog goo!"

"That's a good boy, Harry."

James grinned despite the tight knot of terror in his gut, his hand clenched almost painfully tightly on his wand as he surveyed what was left of their belongings.

"Mumumumumumum…"

"Harry, please don't spill your drink…no, that does not go on the floor…" Lily's exasperated voice drifted through to James from the kitchen. "Harry, let go of the bowl…No…the spoon goes in your mouth not on your head! Oh Harry…" Lily sighed heavily and James heard Harry chuckling to himself as he drove his mother to distraction.

As James moved to sit down on the sofa he heard a knock on the door, slowly he stood and removed his wand from his pocket. "James? Who-who is it?" Lily's terrified voice reached him a little before she appeared, clutching Harry against her chest protectively. James looked at her and shrugged.

"I suspect it's just Remus, he did say he would be over to help us pack the last of our stuff." James tried to assure her but it was hard when he himself was feeling scared, he tried on a smile but it felt stiff and fake so he let it fall and walked out into the hall. He heard Lily bustling around in the living room, probably picking up the bag in case they had to leave in a hurry, he took a breath, holding his wand at the ready and pointing it at the door, his hand closed over the handle and he paused before opening it. "Who is it?" He called, his voice tight and harsh with fear.

"An old friend." Came the reply in a voice James recognised instantly, even if he hadn't heard it in a long time.

"'Oo, Ooh!" Harry cried and he heard him clapping his hands. "Dada! Dada! Mamama…mmmm…"

Without another seconds hesitation he ripped open the door and found himself looking at Sirius Black, his breathing caught in his chest before he dragged Sirius into a bone crushing embrace. "Sirius!" He gasped. "Merlin, it's been so long!"

"James! You fool!" Sirius yanked himself out of his friend's arms and glared furiously at him. "I could be anyone! You could at least bloody well test me before just hugging me like that! What if I was someone who wanted to kill you? You're such an idiot!"

James grinned at his best friend, eyes sparkling with a mixture of relief and joy. "There are only two people in the world who would have a go at me like that, you and Remus. I don't need to ask questions to test you; it's all in the tone of your voice. Come in." He stepped back and allowed Sirius to enter the house. Sirius felt a soft glow of pride and great love for his friend, it was nice knowing that James knew him so well even after so much time. He paused as he stepped into the hall and looked around the cosy cottage, it was looking barren as James and Lily had obviously been packing in preparation for leaving. A large pram stood against one wall filled with blankets and toys, boxes scattered the stairs and cluttered the hall way so trying to get into the living room was like navigating an obstacle course.

Finally Sirius entered the living room to see Lily stood by the empty fireplace holding a baby, the baby had a shock of messy pitch black hair and bright, inquisitive eyes that sparkled like emeralds. Sirius stared for a long time at the baby, he must have been about a year old. He clutched at his mother's jumper and sucked contentedly on his thumb with his head pressed against Lily's shoulder. James eyed Sirius with a small half-smile before moving over to Lily and extracting Harry from her arms, Harry yawned widely and wrapped both arms around his neck, he brought the child to Sirius and they looked at each other. "Sirius Black, meet Harry James Potter." He said warmly and abruptly dumped the child into Sirius' arms, Sirius' eyes widened and he panicked, almost dropping Harry to the floor in surprise. James laughed brightly and Harry stared before joining him. "He likes you." James said softly.

"Um…yeah…He is kind of cute." Sirius said absently as he lifted Harry under the arms and looked at him. "He looks so much like you, James!" He exclaimed.

"I know, he's a little terror like me too. Can't keep him away from the cat."

Lily bit her bottom lip nervously before moving forward and taking Harry from Sirius' arms, she looked away and moved back a few steps, clutching her son protectively. Sirius smiled sadly at her, knowing by the look on her face that she didn't trust him.

"James, we need to get ready." She said quietly.

"I know, just give me a minute."

"Why are you here, Sirius?" She asked abruptly.

Sirius remembered his mission, he moved to the window and peered out into the darkening street. "We don't have much time, you need to get out of here now." He said and turned to face them. "The Dark Lord is planning on attacking you earlier than the Order plan's to have you moved. I'm here to warn you."

"Why didn't you tell Dumbledore? How did you find us?" Panic strained Lily's voice as her heart fluttered in her chest. Harry seemed to pick up on his mother's distress and began to cry.

"I didn't have time to tell Dumbledore, I've only just found out myself. I got the location of the house from Pettigrew…" His lip curled in a sneer and hatred entered his voice. "The little shit was telling Malfoy about it, I had been watching him and I overheard. I came straight here."

"Ok." James turned to Lily who trying to hush Harry. "Lily, get Harry's things together, only take what you can carry…I'll put up a few enchantments, hopefully it'll give us more time."

"James, how can we trust him?" Lily asked, sending Sirius an apologetic look. "What if it's a trap?"

"I trust him with my life." James replied simply.

"You trusted Peter too." Lily replied softly.

Sirius felt the tension in the room stiffen, he could sense that this had become a point of contention between them and shifted uncomfortably. "Look, I know I'm not the most trustworthy person and I understand your reluctance to believe me but I am putting myself in grave danger being here. The Dark Lord is after my head, I admit it, but I came here all the same! Please, Lily, I'm begging you…for your family's sake do as I ask."

"It's true, Lily. It was Sirius who warned Dumbledore about Peter, he's now one of Voldemort's most wanted for betraying them. Come on, let's get-" He broke off and spun around, facing the door into the hall way, they all heard the familiar creek of the gate. James swallowed his terror and turned back to his wife, wand in hand. "Lily, go. Get Harry out of here!"

Sirius moved into the hall, wand drawn as a figure appeared behind the glass. He watched the figure move and the door was blasted open, Lily screamed and Sirius heard feet running through the house. She ran behind him, flying up the stairs as dust settled to reveal the tall figure of Voldemort. Sirius felt his throat threaten to close over in terror as James appeared at his side. Together they raised their wands. Voldemort paused when he spotted Sirius blocking his way, he gave him a long, searching look. "I will deal with you later." He hissed and bright light exploded from his wand, in the cramped space Sirius had no time to counter, he was thrown brutally into the wall and collapsed at the bottom in a heap of robes. He lay there as darkness washed over him and obliterated all thought.

_~Toujours Pur~_

Remus appeared in the little village with several other Order members, it was quiet as most people had already gone to bed. He moved through the street lamps and down the road where Lily and James' house resided. He had had the intention of finding Sirius and stopping him from doing something suicidal but he had failed to find him, no one knew where he was and although Remus hoped that that was because he was hiding and not dead he couldn't help the worry and fear that gripped him every time he thought about it.

"Remus…what…what's that noise?" a nervous voice pushed its way through Remus' thoughts and it took him a second to hear what he had heard. It was the sound of flames, a soft, constant roar and crackling that made all the hairs on Remus' neck stand on end. He broke into a run and headed towards his friends house. When he came close he saw bright, acidic green flames licking the side of the house, half the thatch had fallen in to reveal the upper floor. The gate was open, squeaking softly as it moved in the breeze. Remus froze, his fingers going numb and his wand hanging lax by his side.

"Oh Merlin…" Someone whispered by his side but Remus could hardly hear them as he began walking towards the gate, his feet were numb inside his shoes and he felt an awful, suffocating weight dragging at his lungs. He was grabbed but he shook whoever it was off of him as he stepped onto the pathway that led up to the front door. Slowly, step by painful step, he reached the door and gazed blankly at the black scorch mark upon it. From somewhere inside he heard a noise, a sound that wrenched at his heart.

"James…Jamie…P-Prongs…Oh Merlin…oh p-please…no…no…"

Remus pushed open the door fully and gazed into the hallway, he could see the marks of spells gouged into the wall paper, bits of boxes and broken toys scattered the carpet and at the bottom of the stairs he saw a figure lying in shadow, by its side was someone else, kneeling over the prone form and emitting broken sobs. Slowly, as if he was caught in some horrific nightmare, Remus walked slowly forward, his boots crunching over glass and bits of plastic, his eyes focussed only on the two people ahead of him.

"No…no…" Sirius muttered, unaware that he was speaking at all as he pulled James' heavy corpse into his arms and buried his face in his hair.

Remus forced his lips to move, his voice came out like the croak of an old man. "S-Sirius?"

Sirius jumped, his head lifting to reveal red-rimmed eyes, they were wide in his face and his wand had lifted half way into the air before he registered who it was speaking to him. Slowly his wand fell to the carpet and his face crumpled, more tears splashed down his cheeks and onto his robes. "I-I couldn't…couldn't save them…I tried…I t-tried t-to warn them…"

Remus fell to his knees and crawled towards the corpse of his friend, he gazed down into his blank face and felt his heart stop in his chest. "James!" He gasped and grabbed his friend by the shoulders, he was as cold as stone. His body shook with the sheer force of his grief and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He heard people muttering somewhere behind him but only cared about the man lying dead at the bottom of the stairs. He heard Sirius' shattered sobs and slowly let go of James, he turned and took hold of Sirius' shoulders before dragging him into a tight, almost painful embrace. He felt Sirius' hands making fists in his robes, he felt his tears burning against his neck and held on all the tighter. He couldn't help but feel that if he let go he would drown in his own sorrow, he could only hold back his utter despair by being some form of comfort for another.

Slowly Sirius' sobs died down to soft hiccoughing as he forced his emotions back under control, he pulled himself gently away from Remus' embrace and lifted his eyes to the stairs. That was when Remus heard the soft cries of a baby, Sirius climbed to his feet unsteadily, grabbing the banister for support. Slowly he walked up, ignoring the hissing mutters at his back. Upstairs the wind blew in from the massive hold in the side of the house, he felt the cold no more than he felt anything. He moved slowly across creaking floorboards and heard an almighty crash and a couple of gasps from down stairs, he watched the floor of the attic give way and hit the ground in a flash of green sparks. He continued on, not caring if the hallway collapsed beneath him and buried him alive, he focussed only on the cries of the child. The door to the bedroom was hanging off of its hinges, it fell over at a touch from Sirius' fingers and he stepped over it and into the room. He looked around, vaguely noticing that once it must have been a bright little place. He stepped over the remains of stuffed toys and blankets with charred marks on them. Harry was stood up in his cot, grasping the bars and screaming. He blood pouring from his forehead and tears running down his chubby little face, Sirius glanced down and saw Lily's body lying at the foot of the cot but there was no sign at all of Voldemort. He had no idea what had happened but he didn't care much either as he leaned in and scooped the child into his arms. Harry immediately began to calm, his cries trailing off into soft snuffling noises as he buried his damp face into Sirius' shoulder. "Mama…Dada…" He Hiccoughed and fell silent as Sirius carried him carefully down the stairs again.

Remus looked up from where he was covering James' body with his coat, he saw Sirius standing at the top of the stairs and clutching Harry tightly, his silver eyes wide with shock that hadn't left him. They gazed at each other as Sirius stroked Harry's hair almost automatically, Remus stood up and made to move towards them but a voice stopped him and made him turn towards the front door.

"We were too late." Dumbledore whispered as he stared at the covered body of James Potter, he took a step forward and halted as his eyes came to rest on Sirius. "The boy…he lives?" Sirius gave him a sharp nod, seemingly unable to speak. "Bring him here, quickly. If he is injured I must check."

Remus watched as Sirius' eyes narrowed, he turned almost as if he were shielding Harry from Dumbledore. Suspicion was written across his face. "He's got a cut…on…on his forehead." He said harshly. "That's all."

"Sirius, Harry must be looked at…it would not do if he was damaged by what happened."

"What did happen, Albus?" Remus asked, attempting to break the strange tension.

"As yet I am not sure but judging from what I have seen so far I can assume that somehow Lord Voldemort's curse has backfired." Immediately people began to whisper, gazing up at Harry Potter with wide eyes.

"Lily's body is…is upstairs…she should-should be c-covered…" Sirius muttered, still holding onto the boy almost possessively. Remus began moving up the stairs and walked past Sirius, on his way squeezing his shoulder lightly with one shaking hand.

"What happened, Sirius? I must know what you are doing here." Dumbledore asked when Remus was out of sight.

"I came to warn them that the Dark Lord was going to make his move long before you came at Midnight to move them." Sirius said slowly, his voice thick and his back stiff. He still felt sore from where he had been attacked but it was easily ignored by the comforting weight of Harry in his arms. "Lily didn't trust me…I-I tried to get them out early…B-but I was…I was too late…" Before he could stop it, more tears began pouring slowly down his face. "The Dark Lord appeared, he blasted open the door and…and he knocked me unconscious…" Sirius' face twisted and he hid behind a curtain of his hair. "He said he'd deal with me later b-but…but he never got the chance. By the time I had come around he was gone a-and…and James was…James was d-dead…" He choked on another sob that wrenched it's self free of him.

"I see." Dumbledore sighed heavily and looked again at the body on the floor. "I am so sorry." He whispered, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears. "We must move the bodies, they must be put to rest temporarily somewhere else." He turned to some twins at his back who looked at him and nodded before moving forward.

"Wait!" Sirius ran down the stairs, being careful to support Harry and not drop him, he fell to his knees beside James' body and took a long look. "I want to remember…" He whispered, his voice hoarse but with a growing hint of fury bubbling just beneath the surface. "I want to remember what he did." Slowly, with hid free hand he reached down and straightened James' glasses before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'll never forget Jamie, never." He whispered as he drew away and nodded to the twins who lifted him with their wands and moved him towards the exit.

Remus appeared once again at the top of the stairs, he watched them take his best friends body away and had to force himself to hold onto a scream that threatened to rip its way past the seal of his lips. He put a shaking hand on the banister and forced himself to move down them until he reached Sirius' side. They looked at each other a moment before Sirius pulled him into a one-armed hug, Remus felt a smaller arm curl around his neck and more tears slipped past his eyelids.

Outside the air was so cold they could see their breaths steam before their lips, Harry shivered a little so Sirius took off his jacket and wrapped him up in it, he snuggled into it and fell asleep against Sirius' shoulder. Remus watched the way he was with the child, his touches tender and loving, it was obvious to him that Sirius obviously needed the comfort of Harry as much as Harry needed Sirius.

Dumbledore turned back to the house and lifted his wand, a strange ripple effect made the air shimmer around the house and he turned to Remus. "I have hidden the house with a charm so that no Muggle will attempt to desecrate it, for now it will have to do until the ministry can set up something a little more permanent. Now, to the next problem…" He turned to Sirius who was gazing up at the stars from where he sat on the pavement, holding Harry as close as possible without crushing him. "I have a feeling this task will much more difficult." Dumbledore sighed and moved over to crouch before Sirius who jumped a little and blinked at him surprise.

"A-Albus…" Sirius whispered and drew away from the headmaster a little.

"Sirius, I must take a look and ensure that Harry is alright."

"No." Sirius shook his head, his hair falling into his slightly blank eyes. "No. You can't take him away."

"Sirius, please, I only want to help him."

"He's fine. The wound's stopped bleeding…I…I can't let you take him." Harry stirred fitfully in Sirius' arms, forcing him to hush him gently by stroking his messy black hair.

"Sirius…" Remus knelt at Sirius' side and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let Dumbledore take a look."

Slowly, as if he were ripping his own arm off, he held the baby out so that Dumbledore could move the jacket back from his face and take a look at the damage. A frown marred Dumbledore's face as he inspected the oddly shaped wound on the child's forehead. "I see…I see…" He muttered softly to himself before straightening. "It appears that Lord Voldemort attempted to murder the child but somehow the curse was deflected and rebounded upon the caster…" He paused again and looked back up at the ruined house. "I think that it may have been…yes, yes of course…ancient magic…ancient but powerful…he would underestimate it…"

"Albus?" Remus asked tentatively, looking at the old Headmaster in some concern. "What is it?"

"Oh…oh it's nothing to concern yourself over. Little Harry Potter is fine, he is as healthy as one can be considering the circumstances." Albus straightened and watched Sirius draw Harry closer to his chest again. "Sirius, I must ask something of you…"

"No." Sirius whispered hoarsely, rocking back and forth a little as his eyes gazed off into the distance, Remus put a hand on his arm to steady him. "I'm not letting him go."

"You do not understand, Harry needs his family."

"I AM HIS FAMILY!" Sirius screamed and lowered his head, burying his face in Harry's hair and beginning to sob helplessly. "I fucked up! I fucked up big time. I-I should have stayed with James…I should have…I could have…Oh Merlin, forgive me! Forgive me please…It's all m-my fault! James and I were…c-closer than brothers!"

"I understand why you feel that taking care of Harry is going to ease your self-imposed guilt but I can assure you that in the long run it would only endanger him."

"Why?" Sirius looked up, his eyes blurred and almost vacant, Remus had to fight hard not to withdraw his hand. "The Dark Lord's gone…Look…" Sirius manoeuvred himself so that they could all see his left arm, he held it up to reveal the fading tattoo. "It's…g-going…"

"Lord Voldemort will return, I am certain of it. The only question is when. Sirius, please allow me to take Harry to his last remaining reletives."

Remus took a breath and looked at Dumbledore, his own eyes pleading. "Albus…Sirius is…Sirius is legally Harry's Godfather." He said softly, hearing shocked gasps from the few members of the Order who had remained behind.

"What?" Sirius looked up in shock at this revelation.

"Yes, I advised against it but he insisted…you know how h-he was…" Remus swallowed and soldiered on. "He went to the ministry under the invisibility cloak and had your name registered as Harry's legal guardian if he d-died."

Sirius gazed down at Harry for a long time in silence, he stroked hair from his face softly and a smile curled his lips. "He trusted me that much? Even…even after all I did?"

"He did." Remus whispered and his fingers tightened on Sirius' shoulder. "He said that…that he knew you'd come back to us eventually, it was only a-a matter of time." His voice shook as he was flooded by memories of James' smiling face.

Sirius lifted his head and faced Dumbledore, an odd kind of hardness entered his eyes as they cleared a little of his grief. "I will not allow Harry Potter to be raised by Muggle's." He said in a cold voice.

"There's little wrong with being raised by Muggle's…" Dumbledore began in shock.

"Harry is a hero. He's just defeated the greatest evil of our time at the age of one! Do you really think that Muggle's will ever truly understand that? Do you honestly think that Lily's family would even care? I heard about her sister at school…I won't let Harry be put into that kind of environment! If you want him, you'll have to fight me for his custody!" Sirius stood up abruptly and straightened his shoulders. "I'm sorry, Dumbledore, but on this I will not give way."

Dumbledore sighed as he too stood. "Sirius, you must understand that you will have to go through the courts to clear your name and if you cannot then who will take care of Harry?"

Sirius looked at Remus. "Remus will." He said firmly. "We're more than capable. If he's with us then you can count on one thing; he'd be loved."

Dumbledore smiled. "of course, that was never in question. If you are willing to take on this responsibility then I cannot stand against James' wishes, however, remember that you may still be sent to Azkaban for your crimes. I will do all I can to avoid such an eventuality but it will not be easy to sway the Wizengamot."

"That's fine." Sirius said quietly, he looked down at the child in his arms once again. "If I end up in prison, as long as I know he's safe and happy I can…I can maybe live with myself."

**END NOTE: The idea of Sirius and Remus raising Harry intrigues me, I have yet to do a fic on that idea and so I wanted to try it out for myself. Yes, I have killed off the Potters but Sirius and Remus can't raise the baby if they're still alive, as much as I love James. (I like Lily too but James is a true hardcore Marauder.)**


	23. Chapter 23

_~Toujours Pur~_

Sirius' eyes moved up to the semi-circle of tiered seats, he sought and found Remus sitting in the second row beside Dumbledore and gave him a weak smile. Barty Crouch lifted his gavel and it slammed down onto his desk with a loud bang, making Sirius jump and the crowd fall silent.

"We are here today to oversee the trial for Sirius Orion Black." He began in a hard voice. "Black is accused of multiple crimes, among which are the kidnapping of Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom, the murder and torture of multiple muggle families, the murder of Edgar Bones and his wife, the Mina family and several others too numerous to list." He paused and Sirius shifted in his seat. "Your crimes are varied and heinous, you were a Death Eater from the age of…" He paused and consulted a stack of papers, rifling through them before finding what he was looking for. "From the age of sixteen, is this correct?"

"No." Sirius shook his head, earning him surprised mutters and raised eyebrows. "I was recruited at Seventeen, when I came of age."

"But you left school early?"

"I did."

"It says here Mr. Black that your parents removed you from school because of an incident involving a dangerous animal?"

Sirius' eyes darted in Remus' direction before coming to rest upon Crouch once again. "I…well…it's complicated…"

Dumbledore stood up, attracting the attention of the crowd. "The incident in question was committed whilst Sirius Black was still a minor and has no bearing upon this hearing."

"It has bearing upon the accused's character." Crouch retorted irritably. "It shows that he was, from an early age, showing signs of miscreant behaviour."

"The incident was a singularity; Sirius Black felt remorse afterwards and regretted his actions." Dumbledore said softly, his voice calm and collected.

"Very well, very well…" Crouch sighed and cleared his throat. "So, you were recruited by He Who Must Not Be Named at Seventeen, why did you join him?"

Sirius took a breath. "My cousin…Bellatrix Lestrange, gave me to the Dark Lord…I was…given over like some kind of sacrificial lamb for the slaughter. Her intention, I think, was to make me like her b-but I…I couldn't bring myself to do it. I-I resisted…I refused until He gave me an ultimatum." Sirius swallowed hard and looked down at his knees. "He told me that if I didn't join him he would murder my friends, each and every one of them. What other choice did I have? By joining him I could protect those I loved, by murdering a-and hurting people I didn't know I could save the lives of those I did." He lifted his head and gazed at Crouch with blank eyes. "Every day I have to live with the knowledge of what I've done…e-every night I'm plagued by nightmares…At the time I never even considered refusing, I couldn't stand the idea that I would be responsible for Remus' or James' deaths. How could I have really known or understood what would be asked of me? I was stupid. I was too naive…I thought…I don't know _what_ I thought! It seemed to be the only option at the time."

People began whispering fervently with their neighbours while Sirius sat in the cold stone seat and waited. Finally Crouch lifted his hand and silence fell once again. "So you are saying that you were coerced?"

"Yes."

"I see, I see…" Crouch cleared his throat again, frowning almost angrily down at the papers in his hand. "Your family have been very outspoken about He Must Not Be Named's plans, they are well known supporters. Even your brother…Regulus Arcturus…was a Death Eater, was he not?"

"He was…I told him he was an idiot but he never listened. He was always weak."

"And he died while working for You Know Who?"

"Well…I don't know." Sirius said with a small frown. "He just disappeared one day and we haven't seen him since, I know he's dead…I can feel it."

"The rumours were that he had developed cold feet and wished to back out of the Death Eaters, however he was not lucky enough to escape." Crouch said, eyeing Sirius and waiting for a reaction.

"It's possible." Sirius said with a listless shrug.

"Now then, despite committing so many atrocities, Albus Dumbledore here has spoken up in your defence. He insists that if it were not for you, we would never have known that You Know Who had recruited little Peter Pettigrew and made him turn spy."

"It's true. When I found out that Petteigrew was going to give away James and Lily Potter's location I went straight to Dumbledore with the information."

"He has shown great courage and proved, to me, that he feels remorse for what he has done. I have seen the damage it has done to his soul and how much he regrets his folly."

"That is all well and good Dumbledore but ultimately he is still a Death Eater, someone who has used Dark Magic and committed crimes for which he must be punished." Crouch frowned in anger.

"We cannot have one rule for one and one for another. We have, after all, pardoned Severus Snape for his part."

Crouch sighed heavily. "Sirius Black, how do you plead to the accusations made against you?"

"G-Guilty." Sirius whispered, his eyes meeting Dumbledore's nervously.

"Very well then, shall we vote?" He turned to the rest of the Wizengamot and received nods in return. "All those in favour of imprisoning Sirius Black raise your hands."

Sirius' eyes closed and he lowered his head, he felt as if he was being suffocated under a thick blanket as he waited judgment. The feeling was very similar to how he had felt when he had first sat beneath the sorting hat and begged it silently not to be put in Slytherin House, it was the same awful sense of suspense. Finally he heard people begin to mutter, slowly the noise got louder and Sirius risked opening his eyes, he looked up and found Crouch glaring down at him furiously. "Sirius Orion Black after deliberating with my colleagues we have decided that you will not be sentenced to Azkaban, however, you will be put under constant watch. You will attend regular meetings with a member of the Auror office and your home will be regularly checked for any sign of Dark Artefacts. For now you are free to go."

Sirius sat, gaping up at the Wizengamot while the crowd broke out into a chorus of chatter, he sat perfectly still as if not entirely sure if he had misheard or not. Suddenly a hand descended upon his shoulder and he jumped, giving voice to sharp yelp of surprise. He found himself staring up into Remus' smiling face. "You're free, Padfoot." He said softly and slowly a large grin spread across Sirius' face, he leapt to his feet and wrapped Remus in his arms.

"I'm free."

_~Always Pure~_

Remus woke slowly, it took him a moment to remember what the heavy weight was across his chest. He rolled over within the confines of Sirius' lax embrace and took a moment to gaze at his peaceful face. With a tender motion he brushed a strand of hair from Sirius' face as it was trapped between his slightly parted lips, he felt a smile curl his mouth as Sirius stirred fretfully and frown marred his forehead. His muscles tensed and Remus felt him shiver violently as a few muttered words escaped him, he groaned and twitched so Remus placed a comforting hand on his arm and kissed his forehead. "Sirius, it's ok. It's just a dream."

"…Moony…" Sirius whispered and smiled in his sleep before settling down again, soft snores replaced his terrified mutters and Remus snuggled deeper into his arms.

"I'm not going to leave you again." He whispered and felt a hand clench on his back, fingers running slowly up his spine.

"Good. I never want to be apart from you again." Sirius replied in a voice thick with sleep, he rested his chin on the top of Remus' head and closed his eyes again.

They were woken again a few hours later by the unfamiliar sound of a child crying, Sirius yawned widely and rolled reluctantly out of the warm bed. "I'll go…" he muttered and left the room, Remus sighed and moved into the warm patch Sirius had left behind. He smiled and wrapped the duvet close about his body before allowing himself to drift off into a light snooze surrounded by Sirius' scent.

Once again he was woken up, he was given five seconds warning by the sound of Sirius sniggering before something heavy landed on his chest and little fingers found his hair. He grinned to himself before growling softly.

"Be careful Harry, you don't want to wake up the big bad wolf!" Sirius said as Remus suddenly leapt up and grabbed the child around the waist, he dragged him beneath the covers and began blowing raspberries on every patch of visible skin he could find. Harry was driven to hysterics as he tried to fend Remus off and ultimately failed. "No! Harry, I'll save you!" Remus felt the bed dip as Sirius crawled onto it, he felt bigger hands grab him and pull him away from Harry who was hiccoughing and grinning. He was rolled onto his back and found himself staring into eyes the colour of moonlight, Sirius dipped his head and planted a kiss on Remus' lips before drawing away and grinning. Harry watched for a moment before crawling over to them and squeezing himself between them, he lay on Remus' chest and yawned as he wrapped his arms around his neck. "Mine!" He said softly. "My Wolfy."

Sirius laughed again and leaned down to kiss Harry's cheek, the child squirmed and giggled. "You scratchy." He muttered and turned to give Sirius a big, slightly sloppy kiss back.

Their eyes met over Harry's head and Remus grinned, never in all his life had he felt so perfectly content. He had Sirius, he had Harry and they were safe. He reached up and wrapped his fingers in Sirius' hair before dragging him down so that their lips met. "I love you." He whispered and felt Sirius smile.

"I love you too, Moony."

_~Always Pure~_

"Harry! Time to get up, we need to get to Diagon Alley before the rush!" Sirius called up the stairs, he heard a muffled thump and smiled.

"I'm up!" Harry's voice drifted down to him and he nodded before moving back into the kitchen, he spotted Remus stood by the sink and putting in the dirty frying pan.

"I love it when you wear that apron." Sirius growled from behind him and wrapped his arms around Remus' waist, his boyfriend leaned back into his embrace and looked at him over his shoulder.

"Is Harry up?"

"Yeah, he's just coming." Sirius rested his head against Remus' shoulder and sighed. "He'll be going to Hogwarts in a few weeks…it's so weird."

"I know what you mean, I remember my first day…" He sighed wistfully.

"James scared the shit out of you when he let off a load of fireworks in the common room." Sirius giggled.

"Yes, I think that was the first time we actually spoke wasn't it?"

"Other than when you kept telling us to keep it down as you were trying to sleep. Thinking about it, you were a grumpy bastard for an eleven year old…"

"Thank you." Remus replied tersely just as they heard someone enter the kitchen.

"Eugh…what are you two doing canoodling in the corner?" Harry asked as he seated himself at the kitchen table.

"I was just about to throw Remus over the sink and take off this rather sexy apron to-mmm!" Remus planted his hand over Sirius' mouth and shot him a warning glare.

"He's barely even eleven; you don't want to corrupt him with that kind of thing just yet." He extracted himself from Sirius' grip and picked up a plate of bacon and eggs which he deposited on the table in front of Harry. "Breakfast." He announced and sat down at Harry's side. "So, are you looking forward to your first day of school?"

Harry considered the question with a small frown. "Well…I suppose I am a bit but…but I'm a little scared. I mean, I don't know any Wizarding children really…" He glanced at Sirius as he said this almost accusingly. "You won't let me."

"We didn't want you becoming too involved in that world yet…We explained that you're famous and it could have affected how you grew up." Remus explained calmly as he pointed his wand at the kettle absently, Harry watched him with an almost hungry expression.

"We let you play with Neville Longbottom." Sirius said defensively.

"Yeah, but that's one person." Harry insisted. "And he doesn't really have much to tell me about other kids." He sighed.

"Don't worry about it." Sirius said, clapping Harry on the back. "You're going to do fine, trust me. If you're anything like your father was then you'll have no problems becoming the most popular kid in school." His smile became a little stiff and he had to turn away before bringing himself back under control.

"All you need to do is be yourself." Remus said softly as the tea began to make itself.

"And don't take any shit!" Sirius said firmly.

"Within reason." Remus insisted.

"When you get there, make sure you befriend Peeves the poltergeist, he can be an extremely useful ally."

"And a pain in the backside." Remus added.

They ate breakfast and drank their tea before getting ready and leaving the house, Sirius paused and pointed his wand at the door. Enchantments closed behind them, sealing the door from the view of anyone who didn't know its location. "Remus?"

"Yes Harry?"

"Why does Sirius do that?" Harry asked with a frown. "I've never thought about it before, but it's odd."

"We have to make sure the protections on the house are strong, if not there's a chance we could be attacked." Sirius said as he stowed his wand away and turned to Harry. "I'm not taking any risks."

"You're paranoid, in other words." Harry concluded with a small smirk causing Sirius to swat him gently over the head.

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

"Great, my Godfather's old and paranoid." Harry said and his smirk widened.

Sirius laughed and ruffled up Harry's hair before guiding him forward. "Come on, we're going to get Muggle transport!" He spoke in a voice that trembled with barely controlled excitement. "The _Underground_!" He said ominously.

"Really?!" Harry turned excitedly to Sirius and smiled. "We're getting the Tube?! Good! I _hate_ Side-Along Apparition!" He skipped forward, overtaking Remus who was walking a little way in front of them.

They travelled on the Underground to the Leaky Cauldron pub and entered it, Sirius' eyes moved quickly around, as if he were looking for potential threats. His hand landed on Harry's shoulder and squeezed it gently, he leaned down and whispered; "Stay close to us, Harry."

"Yeah, I will." Harry replied with a heavy sigh.

As they entered the pub people began to turn and stare at them, eyes widened as they landed upon the boy with the two men. Mutters quickly began to spread until they reached everyone in the room, the bar man looked up and watched the three of them moving through the crowd. They reached the alley behind the pub and Sirius removed his wand and tapped it against a brick, Harry watched as the wall seemed to open before them and reveal a street full of people in bright robes, shops with fascinating objects in the windows and outside their doors. Sirius took a step forward but felt something tug on his jacket sleeve, he looked down to see Harry looking nervous about something. "What's wrong, Prongslet?" He asked, crouching down so he was level with the boy.

"Sirius…I…" Harry frowned and glanced at Remus who smiled and drifted away so that he didn't hear what Harry was about to say. "I'm worried…what…what if I don't get sorted into Gryffindor? What if I end up in Slytherin?" He forced the question out, terrified of his answer. He had first gone to Remus with the fear that had plagued him since he had received his Hogwarts Letter, he didn't want to disappoint his Godfather who had an intense hatred for Slytherin's that he never seemed to want to explain. Harry didn't want him to hate him. Remus had told him to ask and see what happened, he hadn't been able to pluck up the courage until now.

Sirius sighed and smiled, he leaned forward as if he had a secret to tell. "Harry, the Sorting Hat takes your choice into account." He whispered. "If it tries to put you in Slytherin and you really don't want to go then you can choose Gryffindor…"

"How do you know that?" Harry asked, astounded and relieved in equal measure.

"Because it was going to put me in Slytherin house but I refused." His smile widened. "I've never told anyone that, Harry, let's keep it our little secret."

"Yeah…thanks, Sirius." Harry's grin brightened and he let Sirius pat his head affectionately. Sirius stood, his knees cracking and his back aching, he winced and sighed as Harry ran off ahead of him. He reached Remus' side and their fingers entwined.

"I'm getting old, Remus." Sirius said sadly, he felt Remus' fingers squeeze his own.

"It happens to the best of us, Padfoot."

"I'm going to miss him…it's like having a little piece of James at our sides."

"Yes but he'll be back for the summer…and every summer afterwards. You need to let him go, Sirius."

Sirius sighed and smiled, he turned to look at Remus and drew him into his arms, he left a lingering kiss on his lips. "I know…as long as I have you it'll be easier."

"Come on! What are you waiting for? I want my bloody wand!" Harry called back to them. "Stop snogging, it's disgusting!"

Sirius laughed, drawing reluctantly away from Remus' embrace, he turned and ran after Harry, catching him and pulling him into a rough embrace. "You're just jealous…come here and let me kiss you too!" He tried to kiss him but Harry fought him off, laughing and making fake retching noises.

_**~Fin~**_


End file.
